


The Death of a Violin

by RandomCoil



Series: Sanders Sides- AU [2]
Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF, prinxiety-fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Child Abuse, Depression, Feelings, Gonna be cringy too, Heavy Drinking, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Worth Issues, i think at least, like a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-03-30 11:07:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 29
Words: 78,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13950288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RandomCoil/pseuds/RandomCoil
Summary: Virgil was sure he was soon going to die. He couldn’t move, couldn’t hear anything but his own blood rushing through his veins, as he stared into the darkness. 17 years of misery, suffering, and torment. But it wasn’t always like that. Virgil had once a loving and caring family, a place he could call “home”, hell, he even had dreams and goals he wished would one day come true.  But everything changed with the death of Anabelle five years ago.... Or rather, how everything is going to change for Virgil, when a good samaritan finds him unconscious in the snow and decides to save his life.





	1. 'Death of a Violin'

**Author's Note:**

> So… That’s it! Hope You like it, it is my very first fanfic I'm ever writing and publishing :P! I beg for forgiveness for my English, it's still quite sloppy and the grammar in the text is probably awful… Let's just say English is not my “mother tongue” :D… Hope you like it!... If you actually do like reading this mess, well, good for you :D? I'll try to update as much as I can (once a week I'd guess) and hopefully, it won't be that horrible. Short notice, there won't be any warnings regarding graphics-context or self-depraving thoughts... The explanation? There's just too many of those :P Until next time, take it easy ˂3
> 
> Work inspired by a YouTube video called "The Death of a Violin", by Imed Samti (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byii_k4cvm8)
> 
>  

It was at this very moment Virgil knew. He knew that he can’t go on like this.  His whole body was aching, trembling in pain and misery. He wanted it to stop, to, at last, feel something else than agony.  His mind was racing one hundred miles an hour, jumping from one painful memory to another, searching for anything that didn’t remind him of how miserable his life was. Half an hour of thinking, filled with sharp and shallow breaths and then, he gave up. He couldn’t find anything remotely nice or happy left about his whole being. Virgil’s heart was racing at a worryingly high rate, his whole body being numb and freezing cold despite sweat forming on his forehead and neck. The more time passed, Virgil found it more difficult to breathe, soon beginning to suffocate. Virgil was sure he was soon going to die. He couldn’t move, couldn’t hear anything but his own blood rushing through his veins, as he stared into the darkness. 17 years of misery, suffering, and torment. But it wasn’t always like that. Virgil had once a loving and caring family, a place he could call “home”, hell, he even had dreams and goals he wished would one day come true.  But everything changed with the death of Anabelle five years ago. His little and only sister. Someone he cared the most for in his whole life. Someone who died because of him, someone who Virgil killed. Or at least, as everyone claimed him to.

 

                                                                                               …

 

It was back in December, few days before Christmas when Virgil's whole life has fallen in ruins. Everything seemed perfect, the weather was beautiful, the house decorated for Christmas from cellar to the attic with colorful goods, freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and cinnamon bread could be smelled in the whole house, everyone… was… happy.  Virgil would joyfully play the whole day away with the violin for his little sister that demanded from him to play some of her favorite Disney songs. He would always do as she asked, both more than happy to cheer the little one up and just unable to say no to her “sad puppy eyes”. Their parents were away this very day, out in town for some “last minute Christmas shopping”, so the kids stayed home alone for what seemed only hours, but as soon as dawn the same day everything came to an end, when the parents failed to come back in time as they promised to their oldest child.  A minor accident on the road on their way home stopped them for a couple of hours in the traffic, bringing doom to their, once happy, family. If they only knew that some random burglar would appear a couple of hours after they left for shopping, they would definitely stay home and prevent everything bad from happening. But they didn’t know. And the only person that could theoretically do something in this matter was Virgil, the only person home beside Anabelle. Virgil was in the middle of “Colors of the Wind” from _Pocahontas_ when he suddenly heard the sound of breaking glass, down in the cellar. He stopped, nervously glancing at the door leading downstairs. Virgil has already been a pretty anxious kid, often having some minor anxiety attacks before rehearsals, upcoming concerts or just meeting new people. But that day Virgil was terrified as he heard someone huffing and swearing silently just merely 20 meters away from him. He spun around, looking at his sister. Virgil knew Anabelle got scared and was just about to scream so he just threw his violin on the couch and as he felt his upcoming panic attack, Virgil quickly shoved hand at Anabelle's mouth, muffling her squeal. He hugged her tightly, kissed on the forehead and nodded in the direction of a cabin. Anabelle understood and soundlessly ran towards the big, wooden kind of crate and hid. Meanwhile, Virgil, fighting the reflexes to hide along with Anabelle, ran to the kitchen and grabbed the first thing that came to his mind. As soon as he took a knife from the drawer, doors squeaked open, leaving boy frozen in place. Virgil could hear his heart beating fast, pounding in his chest, slamming at the walls of his chest. His breath shortened, choking him and sending chills down his spine as he realized The Burglar started to look around. Luckily, he didn’t see the boy, as he began to rummage through all the stuff lying around. Virgil swore that he could almost feel all of his hairs stand straight up on his body, as he hid behind the corner, looking at the man now approaching the cabin with Anabelle inside. Virgil almost fell his heart drop, as the man reached for the knob.

“I'm here, you stupid ass!” Virgil shouted in despair, ignoring the voice screaming at him inside his head. _You stupid idiot! You're going to get us killed!_ The Burglar kind of jumped at the sound of Virgil's voice clearly surprised that someone was still home. The man looked at Virgil's hand holding the knife. He laughed and pulled out a gun. Virgil knew at this point that there wouldn’t be any happy ending to this story.

“Did nobody teach you that you shouldn’t bring a knife to a gun fight?” the man laughed, slowly approaching Virgil. At this point, Virgil could only think about how close the man was to finding Anabelle, as he took a step to the right.

“You know, I already called the police, so maybe you should just leave and I'll forget you ever been here,” Virgil said with a confident voice, without shuttering or any slight sign of fear, for the first time in his whole life. Proud of himself, he circled around the coffee table in the middle of the room, keeping a constant distance from the burglar. Soon, he stood in front of the cabinet with Anabelle inside, standing almost proud and tall, protecting the little one inside.

“You didn’t, why should I believe you?” the man hissed, pointing the gun at him. Virgil felt the wave of dizziness and nausea hit him the moment he looked down the barrel of the gun, the strange tingling sensation in his stomach spreading all over his body. Virgil dropped the knife and held up both his hands, showing the man they were empty.

“We can just s-stand here like this, waiting for cops for all I effing care, or you can just grab whatever you want and r-run away before you get caught. I won't stop you, I'm not that s-stupid.” Virgil said, trying to sound confident, but he clearly had problems to remain his calm and slipped up a bit.

“You're bluffing. I can hear you rumble some made-up nonsense right there,  buddy.” The man said, coming closer.

“S-stop right t-there. Don’t come n-near me!” Virgil managed to shout, despise panic tightening his vocal cords. Both the man and Virgil froze at the quiet sob, coming right from behind Virgil.

“Who are ya hiding there, pretty boy?” the man smirked, taking few steps towards Virgil.

“S-stop right there or I-I-I swear..!” Virgil blurted out, taking a step back, feeling the cold wood on his back.

“Or what…? Gonna scream or something?! Move!” the man screamed, angrily aiming at Virgil's chest. Suddenly something jumped from behind the tv, a black cat running off to somewhere, startling the burglar.  Anabelle's cat- Ruby. Everything froze as the man startled pulled the trigger and a sound of a gun firing a round of bullets silenced the two. Virgil could feel the warmth coming from his chest, dripping down his body, staining his grey shirt crimson red. Confused and scared, Virgil raised his hand up to his now numb chest and looked down at his fingers covered in thick blood. He couldn't get a sound off of him, not even a silent shriek of pain. Honestly, he couldn’t even feel anything at this point, completely oblivious to what had just happened. The burglar, scared, dropped the gun in shock and turned around, running away. Virgil could hear the doors slamming shut, then everything went quiet. The world around Virgil started to go black, spinning around and making Virgil sick. He could taste the metal, something copper-ish, in his mouth that slowly began dripping from his chin. He coughed blood, putting Virgil's body into spasms. He began to tremble, falling down on his knees and then falling on his back, slamming at the door of the cabin. And then it hit him. Virgil realized that Anabelle went quiet. Forcing himself back on the feet despite his injuries, he opened the doors only to get the slender, lifeless body of his little sister fall into his arms. Virgil screamed. Tears began to run down his face like a waterfall, his breath stuck in his throat suffocating him, heart pounding inside Virgil's chest and rushing blood in his veins, only making Virgil bleed out faster. Virgil screamed at the top of his lungs, as he hugged the limp body In his arms. The dizziness caused by the stress, fear and blood loss, at last, got to the boy sending him straight back at the carpet, now stained with the red liquid. Virgil cried out loud, petting Anabelle, swinging back and forth as he began to realize that Anabelle was now dead. That it was his fault that Anabelle got shot.  Virgil kissed little girl head, sobbing, wrenched with agony and sorrow, slowly falling into the darkness.

 

                                                                                              …

 

Virgil; tired, hungry, thirsty, cold and numb, but mostly tired; let a quiet sigh escape his lips. Thinking back at the day his whole world crumbled in his arms made him realize how much he missed his little sister. After the feral night, Virgil woke up a week later in a hospital, only to be met by cold and disgusted stares of his parents. They no longer had happiness nor life in their eyes, only pain, and sorrow remaining. Virgil felt guilty of his little sister's death, and his parents only made him realize how true that has indeed been. The doctors said that Virgil miraculously survived being shot three times in his chest. One bullet came right through his right collarbone, shredding it into pieces. The second one got stuck in his left lung, causing a couple of major internal and open bleedings through the surgery. The last one, the one that killed his little sister, went inches away from his spine, going right through him and hitting Anabelle in the head. If he only moved a little, he could have saved his little sister. Sure, he would be stuck in a wheelchair at best, but he would save Anabelle. But no, he had to just stand there and let the bullet get through his body! A couple of months and one heartwrenching funeral later he was released back home, but nothing good came out of it. Virgil stopped playing the violin, his parents began to argue with one another, cursing and screaming and pushing each other violently until one day, they just snapped, as Virgil began yet another time to beg for forgiveness. From this point on they would blame Virgil for everything. For the burglar coming to their house in the first place, the death of Anabelle, for every argument they had, for any other issue, financial, emotional, just any reason that they could find. The parents would scream at Virgil, hit him, humiliate him, deprive him of water and food and sleep, abuse him in ways only a monster would do. But Virgil didn’t say a thing. He accepted the fact that it was him who killed Anabelle a long time ago and embraced his fate with a calm smile on his face. Every hit, every word, every glance Virgil's parents would shot at him would only tear his heart to pieces, shredding the remainings of what once was his soul. It was kind of a coping mechanism for their loss, and Virgil understood that. He couldn’t blame them. _He was worthless anyway._ Once, when the parents got finally fed up with Virgil, they took him for a ride to the middle of the woods. They left him there with nothing but the clothes Virgil had already on and just rode back home without him. They left him to death. _Virgil deserved it._ And now here he was. One year later, in the middle of Winter, lying in the snow, waiting for his long-ago promised death. Virgil's breath began to slow down, as he stared at the night sky, looking at all the stars shining like little diamonds. The cold stopped bothering him for quite some time ago, he didn’t even shiver anymore at this point. He was just lying there motionless, arms and legs spread wide in some kind of hopeless attempt to make a snow angel. Everything was dead silent, and soon Virgil couldn’t even hear his own heartbeat, something that was always there, screaming loudly and reminding him it should be Virgil and not Anabelle that died that night. He left out the last sigh before closing his eyes, feeling the death waiting to embrace him in her arms. Virgil would soon meet Anabelle and get the chance to apologize to her for everything he did wrong or just not good enough. He could finally apologize that he took her life. He would finally feel at peace after so many years of guilt eating him alive, devouring the remainings of his dark soul. He would finally tell her how much he missed her... How much he loved her... How much… Virgil gave out his last breath as someone approached him.

“Oy, kiddo, wake up! Kiddo!”

 

 

 


	2. EXTRA I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone wondered how Virgil looks like in my eyes when I imagine him playing the Violin :)

[](https://ibb.co/fykQLS)

My attempt to actually draw xD


	3. 'Really? You just totally jinxed it.'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Whaaaaaat…? What did he… just... say? I’m quite confused, Virgil.*  
> *To be honest, not only you. I'm fucked, right?*  
> *I hate to say, but…*  
> *It couldn’t possibly be any worse than this, could it?… *  
> *Well…*

_You are pathetic. Why did you wait so long to end your life? Nobody wants you, you useless piece of shit. You should have died that night. It should be you, not her. You’re a murderer. A cold-blooded murderer. You finally got what you deserved. You’ll burn in hell for everything you did wrong, Virgil. You will burn in hell for your sole existence! You’ll…_

“Kiddo, please, please wake up! We are almost there! Don’t leave me, kiddo!” Virgil heard somewhere in the back of his mind. Virgil was dead, he was sure of it, so he must have ended up in hell. But if this was hell, why did he feel the warmth on his skin, not burning and frying him alive, but gently touching and embracing him? The voice he heard was slowly getting louder, not angry or in any way distorted like it would usually do, but nice and warm, reminding him of a fireplace back home. It did not sound like the voice tormenting his mind at all. It was someone else. Virgil couldn’t open his eyes, he couldn’t move, his body felt heavy… but Virgil could swear he was moving right now. _You’re delusional Virgil, you’ve finally gone mad. Just let it go, you are not worth it. You are not worth saving! **Saving? What do you mean saving? I thought I was dead.** Well, you are technically dead, it’s just a matter of time at this point, so you just shut up and die already, you worthless piece of…_

“Logan! Logan, thank god, please help me!” someone stuttered, obviously crying. Virgil could feel something warm dropping on his face, probably tears. Virgil just realized that he was pretty much still alive, as the pain hit him right back after warming up a little bit. Cold apparently worked as some sort of painkillers, that as fast as Virgil began to get warmer, stopped working. **_For fuck’s sake._** Virgil let out a quiet groan filled with pain and discomfort, chocking on his pathetic attempt to breathe.

“Oh my god kiddo, that’s it! Keep going! LOGAN!” the very much real person screamed in Virgil’s ear, making him regretting he wasn’t already dead.

“Patton, what-what are you doing?! What is- what is this? Who..?!” Virgil heard another voice, filled with confusion and fear?

“Please, please, just help me already, Lo!” The person, holding Virgil (?), squealed, making the boy shift in his arms.

“P-put him down, Patton, and calm down! What-what happened? What…?”

“Logan, this is not important right now! Call the ambulance or something!”

“You know I can’t, the power went out and everything is dead, there is no signal either! Patton, Patton please, just put him down! I can’t help If you just squeeze him like this!” the second voice demanded, sounding almost harsh, but apparently calming the owner of the first voice, as Virgil felt he was put down on something soft and cold. Virgil began to shiver, as the cold surface touched his almost bare skin.

“What to do?! What to do?! Lo, what…?!”

“Patton, I swear if you won’t just tone down and calm yourself I am going to…! Ugh, just… Bring me some blankets and towels!” the second voice said, much calmer and slower. Virgil tried to fight the sleepiness off, but all he managed to do was grasp for breath. His chest tightened and heart began to madly pound in his chest, like a bird trying to escape a cage. _Just die already. Die, Virgil, die, die, die, die, diediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediediedie!_ The familiar voice screamed at him in his mind, causing Virgil to tense.

“Easy there. Easy, can you look at me?” the second voice asked, and hell, Virgil just wanted to sink into nothingness. But as he felt a warm hand on his forehead, he tried to shift his head and lean onto the touch, struggling to move his eyelids even a little bit. After a couple of minutes, he managed to open them up a little bit, mere millimeters, welcomed by nothing but darkness as his long eyelashes would cast shadows at everything in front of him, pretty much blocking his vision.

“That’s it, just like that. Keep going, you are doing great.” Said the second voice, much softer and quieter, petting Virgil on his head. Virgil wasn’t so fond of physical contact, but he managed to remain relatively calm. **_What is so great about me opening my eyes? I can’t even do it properly, and yet is that so good?_** _You stupid shit, don’t listen to him! I told you to die already! Why are you so stubborn!? You should suffer, rot away into nothingness!_ Virgil forced himself to try to open his eyes once again, this time actually succeeding. He could slowly begin to see colors forming into shapes, further into a white ceiling, dark walls, burning fireplace, and a person. It seemed like the person was a man in his middle-late twenties, with dark brown hair, chocolate eyes framed with big thick black glasses and a warm, slightly concerned smile. **_He looks like an angel._ **_Everyone looks like an angel when you’re near death, idiot!_

“You’re doing amazing. Keep going, focus on me, okay? Just focus on my face and my voice. You’re soaked wet from the snow, so I’m going to take your clothes off and dry you with some towels… Don’t be scared, I have to do this in order to raise your body temperature. You show the symptoms of hypothermia and considering Patton just carried you inside a few minutes ago, we have to warm you up...” The person added, noticing how to boy tensed up from his words. Meanwhile, the other person came into the room with a pile of blankets, towels, and clothes.

“Did he wake up, Logan? Oh, thank goodness kiddo! Come, let’s get you into some warm bath so you can …”

“Patton, a warm bath is not particularly good in this situation, rapid warming can cause heart arrhythmia and this is not something we can handle on our own without the necessary medical assistance. For now, we have to slowly start to warm him up, focusing on his torso. If we would warm his legs and hand first, we could cause him a thermal shock.”

“I’m so sorry, kiddo, didn’t think… I just… I…!” Patton ** _?_** Began mumbling, wiping tears running down his face with the edge of his hand. Logan **_?_** just sighed.

“I’m going to take off your sweater right now, blink whenever you’re ready. Patton? ” Logan, **_was it?_** nodded at the other man, in a light blue shirt and a beige cardigan with pretty much the same glasses as the other man. Virgil didn’t want anybody to see his naked body, as it was disgusting and covered with awful marks from his past, but Virgil guessed he didn’t really have a choice in this particular matter. **_Well, fuck this. I’m going to die anyway._** _That’s the spirit!_ Virgil watched as, Patton ** _?_** ** _The person in cardigan_** came towards him. He smiled brightly and put a hand on Virgil’s knee, petting it lightly. Virgil blinked and the two took him by his sides. Logan held him by his arms, making Virgil stay in a sitting position, while Patton ** _?_** Began to take off Virgil’s shoes and socks, and then without hesitation, his jeans. While Patton began drying Virgil’s slender legs with towels, Logan **_?_** took off Virgil’s sweater and covered him quickly with another towel. As the both of strangers finished, they quickly shoved Virgil in some sweatpants, sweater, and thick socks. Soon after that, they covered him in blankets and let him rest on the couch yet again. Virgil was trembling from cold, but he could feel that he was **_miraculously_** far from any anxiety or panic attack. He was exhausted thou, his whole body was in pain and Virgil was burning with fire on the inside. Regardless the situation he had putten himself into, his heart was beating slowly in a steady beat. There was something calming in the presence of these strangers that Virgil found comforting enough to fall asleep around.

                                                                                               …

Virgil woke up, and as soon as he opened his eyes, he felt his heart start to beat faster and faster. He didn’t recognize his surroundings. Virgil sat on a brown couch in the corner of some room; tapestry-like stone walls, dark wooden floor with one bright white, fluffy carpet in the middle of the room and no windows. To the right from the doors in front of Virgil was a huge fireplace, with some ashes still inside. Despite this one wall with a fireplace the rest of the room was literally covered with bookshelves and a huge variety of books, papers, and pictures. It looked like a library, of some sort. There was a wooden coffee table in front of the couch, with nothing on top but a few cups, thermometer and some towels. To the right of Virgil stood a night table with a night lamp on. Virgil grabbed his chest right where his heart should be and grasped desperately for breath. His whole body began to tremble as he couldn’t get any air into his lungs. **_In for four, hold for seven, out for eight. In for four-four-four..! In Virgil, not out! In for four for fuck’s sake!_** _Just shut up, would ya? For much longer are we going to have to keep up with this shit? I told you already, you useless piece of shit that you should just die. **In for four… For four… Four! Four, four, four, four, fourfourfourfourfourfourfour!** Oh, Virgil. You’re pathetic, I hope you are aware of it… _For the next thirty minutes, Virgil would just sit on the couch with his head between his legs and either his fingers running through his hair or scratching his chest and arms. The voice inside his head was usually a pain in the ass, but it was kind of reassuring to listen to, as the silence around Virgil was far more unpleasant in this situation than the nagging and insults. After a while, Virgil had finally managed to calm himself down, and the memories of yesterday flashed before his eyes. Virgil was dying, if not already dead and some samaritan came to his rescue. Them ** _?_** carried him home and together with some other person took care of him when he already gave up on trying to live a life. Virgil looked down at his hands. **_I’m so pathetic, I can’t even die properly._** _You don’t say._

“Logan! He woke up! Come downstairs!” Virgil heard a cheerful voice coming from the doorway he just stared at for only a couple of seconds ago. Virgil recognized the owner of this voice as the so-called, Patton ** _?._**

“Oh my, kiddo! Good-morning! You gave us quite some scare yesterday, you know?” Patton smiled sadly, unable to hide worry deep within his eyes. Virgil couldn’t help but feel guilty as he saw how tired and worn out Patton looked. Their hair was a mess, eyes slightly swollen and bloodshot, the cardigan carelessly thrown over his shoulders. It seemed like Patton had a really tough night, which made Virgil only scowl in sorrow. _How pitiful, don’t you agree, Virgil? **Shut ut, will ya? You can insult me but leave him? alone. Patton didn’t do you wrong.** Oh my god, you sound so sweet I might throw up **.**_

“I’m s-sorry…” Virgil whispered, keeping his head down. He couldn’t look Patton in the eyes, afraid to see anger and disappointment in those beautiful eyes.

“Don’t you dare apologize! You didn’t do anything wrong, kiddo.” Patton pointed a finger in Virgil’s direction, coming closer. Virgil flinched, awaiting some kind of beating, but Patton just stood there, realizing that Virgil wasn’t so comfortable with him just yet.

“Salutations.” Someone just said, unaware of the tense atmosphere in the room. Virgil jumped a little scared and shot a quick glance at the other person in the room, recognizing Logan ** _?_** Virgil flinched a little, seeing that not only Patton couldn’t sleep well. Logan’s necktie was gone and his black shirt was partly unbuttoned, showing a little piece of skin from underneath it, not even tucked inside Logan’s trousers as he had done last night. Virgil thought of the fact that for once it wasn’t just him that looked like on the verge of dying and it didn’t make him happy as he always had thought it would. _And whose fault is this, you moron?_

“Well, kiddo. My name is Patton Sanders, and this is my husband Logan.” Patton introduced themselves and asked, sitting on the edge of the couch. Virgil frowned a little, pulling his knees up to his chin. He kept his eyes down, scared to look up. What were they going to do to him? Will they demand money from him for their help? Are they going to beat him up and enslave, locking in a basement? Will they scream at him and be like Virgil’s parents? Will they… _Oh, Virgil… They are going to kill you, can’t you see?_

“I-I… I., “Virgil whispered, not knowing what to say. He just calmed down after a panic attack, and here he is, getting another one after just a couple of minutes later.

“No, don’t be scared! We won’t do anything to you, I promise!” Patton claimed, aware of Virgil’s state of mind. The smile on Patton’s face even thou was warm and genuine, showed concern.

“I understand you may feel a little bit confused, it is commonly known that distress, such as you have suffered from yesterday, may cause minor memory loss, such as amnesia. Can you remember anything? Do you remember your name? Why were you lying in the snow in the middle of nowhere? Where are your parents? Do you have parents?... Do…”

“Logan!”

“Patton, it is rather important to know if he recalls anything at all, don’t you think? The storm outside has kind of, forced us, to spend a considerable amount of time together and it would be really helpful if he... “

“I-I… My name is V-Virgil. “Virgil said, even though he hated sharing his name with people. His name would often be used to make fun of Virgil, to tease him with horrible nicknames and it would always hit right where it hurt the most.

“Well, Virgil, sweetheart, as much as I hate to say this, Logan may be right… Not about all of his questions, he shouldn’t have asked you like this, but about the storm…”

“Right. As my husband interrupted me earlier, it appears that we are experiencing snowstorm. It’s not as massive and powerful enough to be considered as a blizzard, but still, it caused major disruptions in the communication systems. So as Patton would say ‘we’re stuck here’.” Logan explained, rather calmy. Patton frowned.

_Awesome. Stuck in the middle of nowhere with some crazy people with murderous intentions and… Oh, Virgil, you should have just died back then. Why don’t you listen to me for once?_

“I-I’m s-sorry… I-I shouldn’t h-have… I shouldn’t b-b-be h-here.” Virgil managed to cry out, trembling.

“Oh, kiddo. Its fine, everything is alright. You’re going to be okay, breathe with me.” Patton said as Virgil began to grow in distress. His heart was already beating like hell in Virgil’s chest, causing the boy to hyperventilate. Patton carefully took Virgil’s hand and placed it on his own chest, right where Patton’s heart would be. Virgil could feel the slow and peaceful beat, so different from his own.

“Breathe for me.” Patton reminded, and Virgil tried to focus on steading his breath. He gasped loudly for air a couple of times, but soon Virgil calmed down enough to breathe in instead of just breathing out.

“That’s it. You’re doing amazing, Virgil. Just hang in there a little more and everything will be fine. I promise.” Patton smiled courageously, sending Virgil the warmest smile he ever got from anybody besides Anabelle. Ten minutes later Virgil’s panic attack was over.

“T-thank you, Mr…”

“Call me dad. Or Patton, or Pat, if you don’t feel like….”

“Patton.” Logan sighed.

“Right. Call me whatever you want, Virgil.”

“O-okay. “ Virgil mumbled, looking everywhere but at Patton.

“So, do you remember anything..? Logan asked, avoiding one of the irritated gazes of Patton he already sent him today.

“I-I… I remember w-walking… L-like, for three or f-four days..? And then I-I w-was too t-tired a-and… I j-just collapsed, I-I guess… Oh, gosh… You should j-just left m-me t-there. I s-should b-be d-dead already…“ Virgil laughed shallowly, hardly showing any emotions. _Virgil. Tell me something. Why do you deny everything I say to you, just so I have to listen to exact same thing mere minutes later? Give me a break already! You make me crazy! **I make YOU crazy? You're literally the voice of madness in my head, and yet I make YOU crazy?** Why do I have to deal with you…? Why do I even bother..?_

“Virgil, it's not something… to joke about, alright?” Patton spoke suddenly.

“I-I… Thank you, for everything. Really, I-I m-mean it. But I have to g-go…”

“Virgil. You understand that… Going out in your current physical, and honestly, mental state… Would be considered… a suicide?” Logan asked, kneeling before Virgil and placing hesitantly his hand on Virgil's knee.  Patton backed, tears coming to his eyes. Virgil jumped a little, not expecting to hear something like that. He shot his head down, looking straight into Logan's eyes which clearly waited for an answer.

“I… I-I know. I-I’m… I’m s-sorry. I-I…” Virgil tried to explain, but Logan just smiled a little, which confused Virgil even more.

“Virgil. Listen to me now carefully. I want you to understand something. We may not be at School right now, however, I’m still a teacher with duties and responsibilities. According to most schools policies and protocols; teachers, in particular, may refer students at risk to a mental health professional for assessment and evaluation. Therefore, I am empowered to intervene appropriately in the situation in which you just found yourself. Aside from this, I have to enlighten you that in many jurisdictions, it is a crime to assist others, directly or indirectly, in taking their own lives. Considering the fact that it just happened that you openly told us of yours ’intentions and the view of your life’, we would be considered guilty of assisting in your suicide and the legal consequences would be pressed on us, therefore I'm afraid that we cannot let you go just yet.” Logan explained, leaving Virgil in astonishment; Patton in pure awe. _Whaaaaaat…? What did he… just... say? I’m quite confused, Virgil. **To be honest,** **not only you. I'm fucked, right?** I hate to say but… **It couldn’t possibly be any worse than this, could it?…** Well…_

“Logan, that was a nice one! But don’t scare me like this next time! You should give me some sort of a sign or something! Wink, push, anything!” Patton laughed, tightly hugging the teacher persona. Logan smirked kindly, kissing Pattons forehead. Moments later he looked back at Virgil, who still sat there staring into space, not believing his ears.

“Now, would you be so kind to tell us something about yourself, Virgil? Logan asked, pulling Virgil from his thoughts.

**_Oh for fuck's sake!_ **

_Really? You just totally jinxed it, Virgil._

**_Fuck._ **


	4. EXTRA II

[ ](https://ibb.co/gPFEEn)

Cookies, anyone? 


	5. 'Deer named Sarah'

“Now, would you be so kind to tell us something about yourself, Virgil? Logan asked, pulling Virgil from his thoughts.

_**Oh for fuck's sake!** _

_Really? You just totally jinxed it, Virgil._

_**Fuck.** _

 

”Well, I-I…” Virgil began, but a loud sound coming from underneath the blankets pulled the three of them out of the conversation. A burning red blush crept onto Virgil's face, embarrassed over his hunger. Patton almost kicked himself mentally, forgetting everything that happened mere hours ago. How the kid that Logan just began to “interrogate” almost… Almost died in Patton's arms in this very room… They couldn’t call for an ambulance nor even take Virgil to the hospital yesterday because of the weather, so they had to improvise. They managed to help the boy warm up, but… Patton gave Virgil worried look, paying close attention to how exhausted… Devastated the younger one looked like. Virgil was pale, extremely pale. It wasn’t exactly sick-pale, more like pearl-ish and it would be perfectly fine if not for the bruises and cuts and the blue veins shining through Virgil's thin as paper, snow-white skin to Patton's worry. Virgils beautiful heather-colored eyes, so tired, with black bags that looked more like bruises than simply signs of exhaustion. Virgils dry, chapped lips, narrowed in a strict line in pure stress, uneasiness, and embarrassment. Virgils fragile, slender body, covered in … Patton shut his eyes closed, trying to push back the memories of all the scars, injuries, and bruises he saw yesterday. Patton felt… Patton felt guilty for not noticing earlier, how all of this took the toll on Virgil's mind and body.

 

“There'll be time for this later, Logan. Why don’t we sit down and eat something first? You should drink something warm too, kiddo.” Patton almost sobbed, watching Virgil curl down on himself. Logan frowned, but soon he noticed his own mistake, without Patton needing to point the obvious out like he usually would.

 

“Right, please forgive me my manners. I forgot that food and fluid intake are more than necessary after such event, Virgil. We’ve warmed you up yesterday rather successfully and I came to a conclusion that no intravenous fluids would be necessary, but instead, apparently, something warm and sweet would be rather highly appreciated.“ Logan adjusted his glasses, sending shy smile towards the two men on the couch. He stood up and began to walk towards the doors. Patton just stretched a hand towards Virgil in hope to help him get up.

 

“I-it’s fine. Really, I j-just…” Virgil stuttered, trying to curl up even more than he already did.

“Virgil. Come, I’ll ask Logan to make you some hot chocolate. He is a genius when it comes to sweets! You just have to try!” Patton laughed, helping Virgil up.

“I-I guess, I-I could…” Virgil said, leaning a little on Patton's side. It took the two of them quite some time to walk over to the kitchen, Virgil unable to walk properly just yet, but by the time they finally managed to do it, Logan already waited for them with hot chocolate and some porridge ready on the kitchen table.

“I’ve made for you something both light and sweet to eat, your body could really benefit from some extra sugar in your blood, Virgil.” Logan smiled, laying a spoon on the table at the side of the bowl filled with porridge, milk and some cinnamon and sugar on top. Virgil murmured quiet “Thanks” and just sat in front of the bowl and hot chocolate. He looked at the bowl uncertainly, slightly embarrassed by how his body would sound sometimes against his will. It was quite some time ago since he last ate something, maybe a week? Virgil took the spoon with trembling hands that fell through his fingers moments later, having some slight difficulty with gathering strength in his hands. Virgil blushed deeply, ashamed when both Patton and Logan turned their heads at Virgil alarmed by the sound of metal on the table. _Look at you. Can’t even eat properly! Pathetic._

“I-I'm s-sorry,” Virgil said, lowering his head in hope that his bangs would hide his face.

“It’s fine, Virgil. You did nothing wrong. You have yet to recover.” Logan stated, taking his own spoon in hands, beginning to eat. Patton sent Virgil encouraging look and sipped on his chocolate smiling. Virgil tried again, this time succeeding to take a bite. Virgil forgot how hungry he was, but the moment he tasted the food he gasped, tears in his eyes. _Come on, not again. You little crybaby, stop whining_ _for_ _once, would you?_   Virgil sobbed, covering his eyes with the palm of his hand, wiping tears before the two would see them. He wasn’t fast enough, but neither of them spoke.

“May I…?” Patton began, but Logan just looked straight up at him.

“Patton, stop.”

“Patt-on you on your back?” Patton asked,  laughing out loud. A silent chuckle escaped Virgil's mouth, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“You laughed! Logan, he laughed! At least someone appreciates my puns!” Patton squealed happy, cooing at Virgil. Virgil jumped at his seat, surprised by the Patton's reaction.

“Did y-you just make a… self-referring p-pun?” Virgil asked shyly, looking anywhere but at Patton.

“I believe he did.” Logan sighed.

“I-it was good o-one.” Virgil blushed.

“Why thank you!” Patton beamed, rubbing Virgils back. Virgil tensed at first, scared of sudden physical contact, but he tried to relax and push away the scream in his head. **_They are not my parents, they are neither him, they won't hurt me, right?_** _You never know Virgil. They may be even worse. They just pretend to be nice now to lower your guard, just like he did. They will make you vulnerable, and then they will crush you. It’s a matter of time, Virgil. **They wouldn’t.** How would you know? How can you, of all people, possibly know, Virgil?_

“Virgil?” Patton asked, concerned.

“I-I'm so sorry. I just don’t l-like being t-touched.” Virgil stuttered, feeling his skin burning under Patton’s touch. Virgil couldn’t possibly feel the physical pain, it all was in his head and he knew that, but he couldn’t help it. Sometimes his mind made things seem real, too real. Patton took his hand away, almost sobbing.

“Oh, kiddo! I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t know! I wasn’t thinking, I’m so sorry!” Patton cried, making Logan sigh.

“It’s o-okay,” Virgil said, looking back at his hands. He took a spoon full of porridge, desperately trying to end this awkward conversation. His hands were shaking, making it hard to not spill the food, but somehow Virgil managed to keep it clean… Until he dropped the spoon again. Virgil gasped, cleaning the table with a tissue Logan send him his way. Virgil looked at his hands sadly. After a couple of seconds that felt for Virgil like centuries, Logan took his own and Patton's already empty bowls and put them in a dishwasher.

“Try again, kiddo,” Patton whispered, trying to encourage Virgil.

“I’m sorry.” Virgil managed to say without his tongue knotting on itself. It took Virgil about fifteen extra minutes to get down all of the porridge, dropping the spoon only once more. In the meantime, Logan heated up the hot chocolate, so when Virgil drank it it was nice and warm again. When everyone was finished, the three of them sat at the table in complete silence for a couple of minutes, each of them looking anywhere but at each other. Patton looked at his half-empty cup of chocolate, Logan off into the distance and Virgil at his hands. No one dared to look in others eyes.

“Well, Virgil. Let us start from the beginning. What’s your name? Can you tell us something about yourself?” Logan asked, adjusting his glasses even though they didn’t need it, giving Virgil and idea that it was Logan’s kind of a habit or a coping mechanism for stressful situations.

“My name is V-Virgil Morgan. I… I'm seventeen… years old? I g-guess.”

“You guess?” Logan asked calmly.

“Yeah, I'm not entirely sure what d-date do we have right now. So, yeah… “

“Well, I believe its eighth, Virgil.”

“Eighth of what?”

“Of December.”

“Well, then I'm still seventeen.”

“How come you don’t know the month?”

“I don’t usually pay attention to the date… I've been busy, I g-guess.”

“Care to ex…”

“Virgil, kiddo… “ Patton interrupted Logan, placing his hand on Logan's lap, squeezing it gently. He was clearly eager to ask something himself.  “What were you doing back there at the campsite?”

“Campsite?”  
“You know, kiddo, the place I found you at?” Patton explained, sending Virgil warm smile, not ever once looking away from him.

“W-what were you doing back there, a-anyway?” Virgil asked instead, obviously avoiding answering Patton.

“Well… How to tell you this… I was looking for something.”

“What do you mean?” to everyone's surprise, it was Logan who asked. Patton looked kind of thrown off, blushing deeply, keeping his hands ‘round his chest. Logan stared with slightly closed eyes with a clearly visible frown on his face, searching for any kind of hint of an answer in his partner's posture. Suddenly, his eyes went wide.

“Patton, don’t tell me… Were you looking for that deer again?”

“Whaa… Pfft. No…”

“Patton?”

“But honey, Sarah was so sweet and it was so cold out there and she must have been unable to find any food in this snow, she must have been hungry and lonely and…”

“Patton, how many more times do I have to tell you that ‘Sarah’ is a wild animal, she’ll be completely fine without your help.” Logan threw hands in the air, gesticulating wildly. Patton looked like a little child getting scolded by its parents rather than a lover. The whole situation would make Virgil laugh if it were not for the fact that Virgil would be rather anywhere but at this very table with the two strangers. He felt really uncomfortable, his heart pounding in his chest, making him frown in pain from time to time.

“Promise me you won't go looking for that deer again, Patton. “ Logan demanded.

“I promise…” Patton just pouted, making a sad face.

“Well, back to the point. Virgil.” _Oho. Here it comes._ “What were you doing back at the campsite?” Logan continued with the question he previously interrupted.

_Come on Virgil. Think of something. Don’t be as useless as everyone claims you to be! You're going to screw yourself up at this rate. They already think you're some crazy suicidal psycho! **Holy shit, what should I say?! I don't know!** Just lie, nobody expects you to be honest anyway! Not like you're a person that is good enough to tell people the truth when they ask for it. **I don’t lie, and you know it.** Of course, you do. Just listen to what you're saying. You're lying to yourself right now, aren’t you? How can that be any different? Oh, gosh, you're so pathetic. **Please, help me.** I wouldn’t help you even if you begged me on your knees, you little shit. I told you to die… **But..!** You didn’t listen to me. **Please, stop!** Now you have to pay the price. Enjoy the everlasting shame-party while you still can, Virgil. If you don't want to lie, don’t. I honestly couldn't care less, but if I were them, I would just kick you out the minute you opened your mouth, pfff, I wouldn’t even care to pick you up from the snow for that to happen in the first place, you shit. _

“Virgil, kiddo? Is everything alright?” Patton asked seriously concerned, considering that Virgil just sat there and stared mindlessly off into nowhere for solid five minutes. Virgil just brushed off the worried looks Logan and Patton would send his way, guilt slowly eating Virgil away. After what seemed an eternity, the boy nodded, biting his lips.

“I-I… I ran away from… from… from my b-boyfriend…” Virgil whispered, hiding his face behind his bangs as he moved his head a little to the side.

“Your boyfriend? Why would you do that, kiddo?”

“He wasn’t a… g-good person.” Virgil sighed, still able to feel his boyfriends hands on his hips and back. Well, after Virgil's parents left him off to death in the middle of nowhere, Virgil actually did come back home. It was rather a miracle, nobody, not even Virgil himself knew how he pulled that off, but he somehow managed to come back, two days later. It was clear as day, that the parents didn’t want him there, so after a short beating from the father and furious screams from the mother Virgil ran back to his room without putting up any further fight… Well, Virgil never actually fought back, to no one's surprise, really. He would just take the punches and kicks silently, wiping off the blood that would eventually come from the fresh cuts and then hide in his room for the rest of the day. But this time it was obvious he couldn’t do that, he wasn’t wanted there anymore, not like he ever have been, so he grabbed his bag and locked himself in his room. It took Virgil only ten minutes. He packed some clothes, extra shoes, flashlight and an emergency med-kit (he was really anxious about his fresh wounds, he needed to patch some of these up if he didn’t want any infection to kill him slowly and painfully at the end of the week) his wallet with id’s and some money, a photo of him and Anabelle, his charger with his phone and earbuds and it was actually it. Nothing more, besides a whole bunch of dried food and a couple of bottles of water he snatched from the basement before running off. Virgil wandered for weeks and considering that he was only sixteen at the time, a ‘kind-of-forced’ school-dropout, he couldn’t do much to survive. He didn’t have any friends, he isolated himself after Anabelle's death for so long that no one remained by his side. Not that he had many friends, to begin with… The only kids and, any people actually, he knew were from the violin competitions, but they were kind of happy Virgil disappeared from the stage for good. Virgil was already on his deathbed, living off on the borrowed time he stole from Anabelle that night. After two weeks of sleeping either by the dumpster, on a bench at any park or under a bridge, begging for some change in the meantime, an angel-like person found him. It was a rather old woman that Virgil would call ‘Granny' per her own request. She took him in, fed him, clothed him and cared for him. Later on, he would get to know that Virgil actually reminded her of her own grandchildren that studied abroad and wouldn’t be back anytime soon if not ever. In the meantime Virgil would help Granny in every possible way he knew, cooking for her, cleaning, taking care of her little chihuahua dog, shopping and running smaller errands. Everything was looking good for him until Granny got sick with pneumonia. She was far too old and weak to stay at home and the medical expenses were too much for her to handle on her own, so Virgil just knew he had to find a job. At first, he worked at some café, washing the dishes, but soon he realized it didn’t help as much as he was hoping for. One night, when he was going home after a rather exhausting shift at work, a man stopped him in one of the poor alleys. He offered money for… Virgils time and… body. Virgil, both scared and shocked wanted to scream, to tell the guy to fuck off… but… he was desperate… He knew he didn’t have much time. So he sold himself despite fear, embarrassment and self-disgust. And again the next night. And again. And again. And again, every night multiple times a night and day, until the Granny was released home, feeling much better. She was quite a fighter, and for once Virgil could tell himself that he actually mattered, that he saved someone dear him, that no matter what he did go through, it actually was worth it for once! Everything was good again and looking bright, he stopped selling himself on the streets and focused on taking care of that lovely woman he actually considered family. Until she died two weeks later from a heart attack. Virgil, once again heartbroken, kicked out by the landlord of the apartment that he lived with Granny for a couple of months, was left on the streets. One of his regular clients… found Virgil devastated after yet another death of someone dear him and offered shelter and food for his… services. Honestly, Virgil couldn’t care less at this point  of what would happen to him, so he got inside of the stranger's car, expecting nothing but pain and misery, only awaiting death at this point. At the beginning the man was kind and loving to Virgil, showing a lot of affection and warm feelings towards the boy, but everything good in Virgil's life had to come to an end sooner or later. The stranger named Shon, Virgil's boyfriend as the man claimed himself, would start abusing him sexually, very possessive of his little fuckboy. But Virgil was tired, too tired and fed up with his worthless and pitiful life that he just didn’t care anymore. During the couple of few months, until recently actually, Virgil had a couple of bones broken, one or two internal bleedings, skin- bruised almost everywhere, and a lot of other minor injuries. But he didn’t complain. Virgil no longer resembled himself, both mentally and physically. The person living with Shon was only a shell of the boy named Virgil Morgan. Broken, probably already beyond repair. Without hope. Without future. Without anything. Until one night he had a dream where he saw his little sister. His Anabelle. It was probably a delusion of a dying man, but the little girl seemed so real and so, so painfully sad at the state Virgil was in. The dream-Anabelle told Virgil to try again, to pull himself together and run for his life. So he did, without thinking. He just ran off into the darkness with nothing but the photo of Anabelle tugged inside the pocket of his hoodie. And here he is now, sitting at the table with some strangers, drinking hot chocolate and talking about a deer named Sarah.


	6. 'I told you it would be like this.'

“How about your parents then, kiddo? Aren't, they worried about you?” Patton tried to cheer Virgil up, but apparently, he stepped on yet another mine.  Virgil sighed, glancing away with a painful look in his eyes that made Patton whine sadly. The father persona clenched his fists until his knuckles were white, not knowing what to do otherwise with his hands. He wanted to hug Virgil, to pat him on the back, to comfort him and tell him that everything would be okay, but he didn’t dare. Patton didn’t want to make the other feel uncomfortable, which was in a way worse than Patton's need to give out hugs.

“My parent’s weren't good people either. Last few months we were together… I don’t think they would… want to k-know where I am.”

“Did you run away from your home, Virgil?” Logan asked, scribbling something down on a piece of paper he got a couple of minutes earlier.

“You could s-say so…” Virgil answered, playing with the sleeves of his hoodie “They did k-kick me out in the first place, thou… “ Virgil added silently under his breath which Logan didn’t miss. Patton only squealed, tears in his eyes, which made Virgil visibly nervous, which made Patton even more emotional. Logan looked more closely at his love, noticing watery eyes, weak blush, lips clenched in a narrow line, his whole body trembling. It was clear as day that Patton tried with all his might not throw himself at the boy and cuddle him ‘til the ‘bad feelings’, as Patton would often say, ‘would go away’. Patton really tried, and it made Logan proud. Often his husband would just do whatever he felt like, threatening people to ‘fight’ them every time they talked badly about themselves, hugging them tightly without asking for permission and patronizing almost every living creature. But Patton really tried to stop himself from making Virgil even more uncomfortable. The boy clearly didn’t have it easy in life, and it made Patton incredibly sad and angry.  Logan once again realized how much he loved this goofy man, thankful for his presence in his life.

“They didn’t want me, I-I was only a burden to them…” Virgil whispered. Logan almost deadpanned.

“My poor baby!” Patton beamed, unable to hold the tears back. He cried heavily, sobbing every time he gasped for breath. Just looking at Patton would hurt Logan, so he hugged his lover, desperate to make him feel at least slightly better. And if he couldn’t do much more than hug Patton to cheer him up, he would never let the man go if given the chance. Virgil clearly felt responsible for Patton's sudden breakdown, so he just muttered under his breath apologies over and over again, trying to sink down into the ground. Well, there was only one thing Logan could think of doing in this situation. And it was the most ‘Roman’ tactic there could possibly be.

“Why don’t we… take some break… and watch some Disney movies?” Logan asked, counting every single of his words carefully. Patton immediately perked up, smiling wide. Logan smiled back relieved. Virgil only went quiet. The three of them went to the living room, Virgil with some help of Logan this time. Patton apparently refused to touch Virgil for the time being, not wanting to make him feel uneasy and uncomfortable. Logan wasn’t that good with emotions, but he did understand that sometimes it’s really hard to talk about things and the “feelings” behind those can be really crushing to one. And it was yet another reason why he loved Patton. This man was a living-walking empath, able to not only understand but also help with such feelings. He just loved his dork. After finally settling on a couch with Patton throwing tons and tons of blankets all over the three of them, Logan started the tv and searched through the library of various Disney films that they had recorded on the decoder.

“Do any of you have anything against ‘Big Hero 6?” Logan asked, proposing his favorite. Patton and Virgil shook their heads, each in his own end of the couch, leaving Logan in the middle, slightly shifted towards Patton.

 

In the middle of the second film, which was Tangled (Patton said that chameleon- Pascal, reminds him of Logan. Which the latter couldn’t actually understand why.), Logan began to ask small, prima facie, insignificant and random questions, but soon he did actually manage to get the ever shy and anxious Virgil to talk about his past. Disney movies maybe was a common tactic Roman, his nephew, would use to ease the atmosphere in the household, but Logan had improved it to his favor, using it as to calm down the other two and do some ‘small-talk’ in the meantime. It wasn’t the best option he had, and he would never admit to doing this in the first place, but it came with rather positive results. The longer Virgil talked, the more at ease he seemed to feel. Even with Patton now sitting beside him and petting him on his back, drawing circles with his hand around Virgil's spine. Honestly, Logan didn’t even notice when Patton moved to Virgil's end of the couch, pushing the young one to the middle, between the two Sanders. But it didn’t actually matter if Virgil was, in the end, enough calm to talk without stuttering every other word.

 

“My parents… They made me leave when I just turned sixteen. Well, they didn’t actually kick me out, rather left me stranded in the middle of nowhere expecting me to never come back alive… they hoped to see me in a casket, really. Or never again, not quite sure but still, either way, they w-wanted me gone. So I made them a favor and left. And then, after quite some time, I met with this lovely lady Martha. She took care of me for a while, but she got sick and when she got home again, she died like only a week later... And then I stayed with this man that, I suppose, was my boyfriend. Until… until you found me, I g-guess…” _You really did tell them the truth, idiot. I honestly… Ah, fuck this. Well, you're a lost cause already, who am I kidding._

“My poor little baby!”

“B-baby?”

“No parent should do or say something like that! You are a good kid, Virgil! They did horrible thing to you, but still… It certainly doesn’t sound like you had lots of fun, kiddo… but…but…”

“What Patton tries to say is, we have to contact your parents. They might not want you then, but as you said, it was over a year ago. Maybe they changed their mind. Maybe not. We could contact the police, later on of course, we should all be aware that abandoning a child like this is a cruel crime that should never take place. But considering that…”

“P-please, don’t d-do this. I understand why they did this and I don’t blame them for not w-wanting me! I was a t-terrible c-child and… a-and…”

“But considering that you haven't told the police anything yet, and it has gone one year since then, we may drop this for now,” Logan explained. Virgil sighed relieved. _Thank goodness. I never liked your parents anyway. They may have loved you one day, but we both know that was long ago. **I know…**_ Virgil really didn’t want to bother his family. It was for the best if he would just die… and rot away… somewhere in the forest… alone…

“Yeah, kiddo. We still need thou to give them a call at least. We could drive there too when the weather will settle down… Still in the middle of a snowstorm…”

“N-no… You don’t need to go anywhere… I lived… quite far away. Because we are at XX, r-right? I think I saw the signs.”

“You got that right but… You sure about the drive? It can’t be that far away…”

“I lived at YY.”

“That is far away. How the hickey hickedy heck did you travel across the whole US, kiddo?”

“What..? Did you just say…? Hi… what..?” Virgil asked confused.

“Well, then we won't be going. But I do insist on calling your parental units.”

“Here you go then…” Virgil sighed and tapped the number into Logan's phone that he gave him. The teacher-persona got up from the couch and send Patton a subtle smile, nodding at Virgil. Patton sent Logan back a knowing smile and hugged Virgil, patting him on the head. Kid tensed a little but hugged back. It did feel actually good, so different from what Shon would do to him. Virgil found himself leaning in, wanting to feel more of the warmth that Patton just radiated with. The second somebody picked up at the other side of the phone, Logan stepped outside the room. Only silent and muffled sounds would come to Virgils ears. **_They won't be glad, hearing about me, will they?_** _Certainly not, Virgil. I would be rather surprised if they did. **You're right.** Virgil…I'm always right. I'm the voice of rationality and logic in your head… You know… Everything you should ever listen to.  Everything I’m saying is for your own good. **I… I suppose… I'm sorry…** You should be, Virgil. _

“You ok, kiddo?” Paton asked.

“Yeah, it's nothing… I'm just tired, I guess. I'm sorry.”

“Don’t be kiddo. It's really not your fault. You have gone through a lot, and honestly, that’s impressing. You are a brave one, the strongest kid I’ve ever met, you know? I think you're amazing, just the way you are. And I know a lot of other teens, so I know what I’m saying. Afterall, I work at a school with Logan.”

“You do?” Virgil asked, hope deep in his eyes. It was heart crushing.

“Yes, I do.” Patton smiled, knowing that Virgil wasn’t talking about the school at all. A couple of moments later Logan came back with a deep frown on his face. He sighed and looked over at Virgil and Patton, cuddling on the couch. He couldn't bring himself to tell about his conversation with Mrs. Morgan. She was far from happy to hear her son was alive… Just as Virgil has told them before… They didn’t want him back. ‘Ugh, don’t tell me that bastard is still alive… Do yourselves a favor and just get rid of him. You’ll be better off without him. He just brings bad luck wherever he goes.’ It wasn’t a pleasant conversation and Logan would rather forget everything he heard. Logan… wasn’t a very emotional person, but he… Logan was actually angry at Virgil's parents, almost disgusted with them. How could anyone do something like this to their own child? Wasn’t a family supposed to care about each other? Logan sighed again, rubbing his itchy eyes with his hands. Patton perked up, awaiting some sort of an answer.

“Well, it didn’t go as planned. You may stay here, for now, Virgil and when the weather calms down, I'm going to give my friend Joan a call. They are a lawyer and may know what to do in a situation like this. But for now… We shouldn’t rush anything… Let us just go back to the movie.” Logan said, sitting on the couch. Virgil chuckled, which made Logan look at him in curiosity and disbelief.

“What is so funny?”

“She was angry, wasn’t she? That she found out I’m alive. She wanted me dead.” Virgil smiled, tears in his eyes. Logan mentally kicked himself, guilt weighing him down. Logan's breath speeded up a little, and he suddenly felt dizzy. He could feel his heart drop down to his stomach, actually scared that Virgil could see right through him. The feeling of defeat was welling up inside him, feeling sorry for the kid. Logan knew that Virgil was already so sure how the call would go and it was just so heartwrenching. To think that his own parents didn’t want him, it was just too… cruel.

“Kiddo, don’t say things like this… It surely wasn’t the case…” Patton tried to cheer the other one up, but as far as Logan knew, Virgil didn’t even bother trying believing his words.

“She told you to get rid of me, didn’t she?” Virgil asked calmly with a voice filled with nothing but exhaustion and resignation.

“Kiddo…?” Patton groaned silently.

“Did she?” Virgil asked, looking straight into Logan's eyes. Virgil already knew the answer to this question, but he still wanted to hear it.

“Kid..”

“Yes, she did.” Logan gave up, looking away. Virgil nodded silently, smirking.

“I told you it would be like this.”

“I know, and I'm sorry Virgil…”

“Don’t be. I'm already used to this.”

Logan couldn’t help but think about how many times Virgil must have heard the exact same words Mrs, Morgan just told Logan, to not care anymore. As far as Logan knew, Virgil didn’t have it easy in his life, and it just seemed so bizarre to hear the level of exhaustion and sadness in boys voice. Virgil seemed so much older than just seventeen, having seen and heard far more than he should ever have in his short life, already reconciled to his miserable fate. Virgil was broken… So broken to the point of having lost all hope. Logan looked over at Patton, and he just knew his lover was thinking the exact same thing. They have to help Virgil, no matter what. This kid deserves far much more than pain and suffering he was already so used to... They have to help him… They just have to.   

 

 

 


	7. ’How to help people with anxiety disorder.’

Virgil could feel his whole body burning yet shivering from cold, covered in sweat, as his fever wouldn’t drop for the last few hours. He was lying down on a bed Patton shoved him the moment Virgil began to cough and sneeze a few days ago. Virgil's fever would come and go as it pleased, keeping the young one constantly in bed, too weak to move around or at least sit up by himself. Whenever Patton or Logan came by to fed Virgil some chicken soup or to get him to drink some tea or water, they had to help him up and held him, so he wouldn’t fall out of bed like the first time when Patton left Virgil alone with food for him on a tray on the night-table only half meter away from the bed. Since then they always made sure one of them was in the room keeping an eye on the young one, playing cards in the meanwhile or reading aloud some of the books from Logans own library. This morning Logan was off to the town, driving to a nearby grocery store so Patton made sure that Virgil would get enough attention even if there were only to of them at home at the time. Patton felt quite relieved that the snowstorm was coming to an end. The local fire brigade was already helping to get the snow off the streets, neighbors were helping each other reduce any damage the snow might have brought to this little town and by the noon everything was back in order. It was a really small and friendly place, kind of one you can see in movies, where everyone knew each other, children could play on the streets without parents fearing that somebody would charm or kidnap them, policeman coming over to grab a beer with you every other Tuesday, the lemonade stand would be run by this adoring pair of siblings from the house next to yours, the heavenly smell of bbq all day around every Sunday in the summer and this slightly crazy cat lady that feeds all of the stray cats staying on her patio because of the catnip she planted two years ago in her garden. That was this kind of a town. And both Patton and Logan loved it. Every time there would be some kind of a ‘disaster’, whether it would be wheater, traffic accident or something small such as a lost dog, the neighbours would fix everything up in the course of a day or two, so it wasn't really a surprise that the same day snowstorm stopped the roads would be clean, shops were open and everything back in place. Virgil looked around with slightly narrowed eyes, annoyed by the snow outside, shining brightly in the sunlight. He moaned, bringing one hand to his eyes, trying to cut off all of the light that made his head pound in pain. Virgil would often get overwhelmed by his surroundings whenever something was bothering him. Everything would then get too loud, too bright, smelling too strong and whatsoever too extra, causing Virgil great physical and psychical pain. This time Virgil would curse the world outside the window. The boy spotted some bright blue curtains hanging over the current object of Virgil's hatred and despite the fact that he could hardly raise a finger, he forced himself and tried to stand up. Well… Tried. It took Virgil almost fifteen minutes, to get himself in a sitting position. **_For fuck's sake. It really not that hard to stand! Stupid cold._** _Why so harsh words, Virgil? Are you upset about something? **Really? Can’t you see…?** Naaaaw, come on now. Don’t be a crybaby. It was obviously your fault you got cold. Everything was your fault. Everything is your fault. And since you don’t listen any of my advice I simply decided to enjoy your suffering. **It's not my fault.** Yes, it is. **No, it's not.** Oh, Virgil. Are you that sick you cannot see the obvious? Only a madman would run off into the storm with nothing but shoes and a hoodie on. What did you expect? **I… I don’t know.** Now, now. Just get this over with. Maybe you'll stumble and hit your head hard enough to die. _

“Virgil? What are you doing up? You should be lying in bed!” Patton beamed, placing the tray in his hands on the nightstand. Virgil almost jumped upon hearing Patton's voice, that sounded more like a scream than anything else. He covered his ears desperately, trying to isolate himself from the pain. Shutting his eyes tight he tried to hide in his hands, trembling from the overwhelming sensory overload. Virgil wanted to scream, but he couldn't get a sound out of his mouth, only air able to get out. He tried to breathe, but the only thing he could do was to breath out. Virgil was suffocating himself. His heartbeat began to rapidly rise, his every muscle tightening in the most painful way, black spots flying around in front of his eyes. _Breathe, Virgil. You need to breathe. In for four. Hold for seven. Out for eight._ Virgil sat on the bed paralyzed, as Patton worried sick was kneeling in front of him. Patton's warm hand touched Virgil's head, but the boy only jerked away, scared by the sudden touch. **_I’m dying, oh god, I’m dying._** Patton squealed, looking around for anything that could help him. If only Logan were there, he would know what to do, he wouldn’t just stand in place, scared like a child and look while Virgil was suffering. Patton wished with all his might that his husband was there with him, but he knew Logan wouldn’t get back anytime soon. _Virgil. Breathe, now. Virgil._ As the young one began to scratch himself on his arms and face, pulling on his hair, Patton just took the closest object to him and tried to do something with it. A fluffy, pink blanket. One of Romans favorite. Patton wrapped Virgil in a blanket, ignoring the younger’s attempts to break out and quickly sat right behind him, embracing Virgil with his warm and steady hands. Patton took both of Virgil's hands and entangled their fingers together in an act of sheer desperation, as the older could see small blood drops forming on Virgils cheeks from the scratches. Slowly rocking back and forth Patton hummed quietly, placing his head on top of Virgils.

“There, everything is okay, kiddo. You're gonna be fine Virgil. I promise,” Patton whispered, tightening his grip on Virgils freezing cold fingers. _Breathe for me, Virgil. Good, just like that. In and out._ Virgil breathed in the sweet scent of sandalwood, waterfall, and sweat. It smelled like safety and Virgil found himself unconsciously breathing it in, almost choking on it. _That’s it. Slow down thou, we don’t want you hyperventilating, you know. In. Out. In. Out. In…_ Virgil soon found himself matching his breathing with the voice in his head. It took quite a while, but soon Virgil was calm enough to stop trembling. Patton sighed.

“You gave me quite the scare, kiddo. What happened?” He asked, making Virgil frown.

“I-I… It was to b-bright in the r-room and I-I wanted to draw down the curtains… But y-you s-scared me.” Virgil managed to get through his clenched teeth. Patton cooed, hugging Virgil tightly. The younger one didn’t mind Patton anymore, as he just leaned in closer to the only source of warmth in the room. It was kind of soothing, the way the other one run his hands up and down Virgil's sides. _There you go. Just keep breathing. **Thank you.** What are you… t-talking ‘bout..? **Y-you helped me just n-now.** I did not, Virgil. You are yet again getting delusional, you idiot. Just focus on this fluffy ball of squealing and cooing for now, ok? _

“I'm so, so sorry, kiddo! I didn’t mean to.” Patton cried, sending Virgil apologetic look. He looked like a really sad puppy and that made Virgil feel bad.

“It's okay… J-just… don’t d-do it again, ok..?” He coughed, resting his head on Patton's chest. As he breathed in the gorgeous scent of the blanket, around him he felt a sudden wave of calmness wash over him, making his eyelids heavy and constantly falling shut. In all honesty, Virgil did not have the strength to fight sleep back, so he just gave up and closed his eyes.

One hour later Logan found the two cuddling on the bed, sleeping safe and sound, limbs entangled together under what seemed to be Romans blanket. Patton held Virgil in his arms tightly, like he feared the younger one might disappear any second. Virgil was holding onto Patton's shirt, pulling in towards him, pretty much showing the same worry of the other disappearing into nothingness. Patton's glasses lying on his face pretty crooked, both men blushing slightly from entirely different reasons as Logan would guess. Patton- because he got to cuddle his ‘little anxious baby’ and Virgil because of his fever. But in all honesty… It was quite adorable. Both of them looked so comfortable and peaceful he should be damned if he would wake any of the two boys up. Both of them needed to rest, and it was like killing two birds with one stone. Virgil would get his well-earned rest and Patton would finally stop hovering under his doors worried for his ‘poor little baby’ as Patton would call Virgil. Logan smiled and took out his phone, setting it to mute before taking a couple of pictures. It was just too sweet to pass up on this opportunity and before he headed back to the kitchen, he quickly checked Virgil temperature placing his hand on Virgil's forehead. It looked like it was finally going down. Logan smiled, relieved. It would be an understatement if he said that he was worried about the boy. While Logan still didn’t know much about Virgil, something deep inside him wanted just to hold him in his arms and protect from any possible threat and danger. Logan sighed, closing the door shut behind him. They merely knew Virgil for five days. Well, ’knew’ was a bit too much said. As much as Logan hated to admit, they didn’t really know that much about this boy. The only thing both Patton and Logan could be sure about was Virgil's name and the phone number to what seemed like his mother. Nothing more, nothing less. The lack of knowledge was actually driving Logan crazy, but there was no meaning thinking too much on that since the only person that could give him answers was asleep in his husband's arms. Logan sighed and walked over to his office- a small room with some bookcases, small sofa, a desk with plain black chair and a computer. As he entered he cursed under his breath as he almost tripped on a stack of papers, some of the essays and other writing he had yet to mark. White papers were almost everywhere, on the floor, sofa, all over the desk. Logan was usually a rather tidy and professional person, keeping everything clean and well maintained, but over the last few days, he wasn’t behaving like his old self. He was distracted and generally unfocused, finding himself constantly going back to that night Patton brought Virgil to their house. It wasn’t something that happened every other day, bringing a dying kid into their house in the middle of a snowstorm while actually going looking for a deer that would usually scoop around Patton’s garden in search of any food this dork would leave for the animal. It was this kind of situations that happened only once upon a lifetime. And Logan was actually scared because of it.  He didn’t know what to do, how to feel about all of this! It's true that feelings weren't Logan's forte, but there wasn’t anything slightly logical about this whole situation that would make it easier for Logan to understand. Everything was new and strange and highly concerning. While Logan was a teacher at a local High School and have previously dealt with some pretty troubling teens, he didn’t have much experience with kids like… Virgil… The ones that had rather… suicidal intentions. By the time Logan got Virgil to actually talk he already was rather confident in stating that Virgil suffered from not only panic attacks but anxiety attacks as well, by merely observing Virgil's habits and movements. Sure, he knew how to comfort children and teens with the anxiety disorder, but that few times Virgil showed the signs of an anxiety attack it was an experience like nothing Logan had previously stumbled upon.  Virgil was shaking too much, sobbing too much and being actually… too quiet… than what Logan was used to and prepared for. He didn’t know what to do! Yes, some of the techniques he learned in the courses for teachers at local hospital did help Virgil, but it wasn’t always enough to calm the other down. At times like these, he envied Patton, his ability to feel the things the others felt and help them get through the rough times. And what could Logan do? Only stand by and look hopelessly as did all of the work himself. Logan felt blind at the times like these, unable to do anything. And Logan hated going in on things blindly. After what seemed like an eternity, Logan sat by the computer determined to try and be helpful for once. But… Before opening the internet browser he just had to secure the pictures he took of two men cuddling on a bed in the room next to his office, just to make sure the photos were safe. Then, and only then, he started the searching engine.

’How to help people with anxiety disorder.’

 

...

 

 

[ ](https://ibb.co/ge7GS7)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I like to draw, I have to admit that my pictures are not entirely my "own" creation. To be honest, I often (not always thou :) ) just draw something I've already seen on the internet, like a IRL picture of, for not having a better example, two men cuddling on a bed. I just give you my best shot at making the picture fit into my own story. And while I do try my best to draw things on my own, I often try to find inspiration on the internet :) I just hope you don't mind me... :) If you would like me I could always start to write down link to the original picture :)


	8. 'What the hell are you doing Dad?!'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rather short chapter, wanted to finally write something including Roman... Couldn't actually stop myself from posting it :P It's short, but explains a little bit of the three Sanders's backstory.

Roman yawned, tired to the core of his existence. For the past couple of days, he stayed at his friend's house back in GG, working on a school project. It wasn’t anything special in particular, just some random English presentation he had to do due next week. It was loads of work and he was happy he was finally on his way home. From the call that Logan gave him a couple of days ago, Roman knew that there was a snowstorm back in his hometown, which made him stay a couple of days longer at Julan’s place than what he had previously anticipated. It wasn’t really that big of a problem, he and Julian were childhood friends so neither of them minded it really that much. They knew each other since the time the both of them wore diapers and could barely ‘speak’. Romans mother, Maria, was best friends with Julian's mother, just like he and Julian were, they even got pregnant around the same date, and Roman actually shared his birth date with his best friend. It was like a match made in heaven… Or by two really good friends since their time at a University. Either way, if Roman had to stay with his BFF a day or two longer, in a place he could freely call his ‘second home’, he was more than happy to do so. Roman yawned again, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hand. Driving down the main street his phone began to buzz, so he shot his phone a quick glance before pulling to the side of the road, stopping by the driveway to his uncle's house. The name on the top of the message told him it was from his mother that was actually away on yet another business trip. He smiled brightly, reading about her most recent flight to Canada, making sure to reply with the sappiest text he could possibly manage to write. Maria was a busy woman that choose to follow her dreams to be a professional consultant and travel the world while doing it instead of staying home and taking care of his only child. Roman didn’t really mind her, she would often offer Roman to follow her on a vacation trip of some sort, which he often did, but for the rest of the time, he preferred to stay in XX and follow his own dreams to perform on Broadway. Of course, small steps at a time, beginning with a local theatre group driven by his school. Because of the nature of Maria's work that constantly had her flying around the world, Roman decided that he would stay at Patton and Logan's house. Out of the two Sanders, it was Patton that was actually blood-related to Romans mother, being the second oldest of the three Escarrà siblings. (It was actually pretty fitting last name, as Roman’s whole family appeared to be actually left handed.) Roman lived with his uncles since he was seven years old, as his mother started to work on her carrier. Roman never got to know his biological father, but in all honesty, he wasn’t so eager to do so. From what both Patton and Maria had told Roman, his father was an irresponsible and careless jerk that was very much a typical playboy, changing women like gloves. From what Roman heard after Maria got pregnant with Roman, José’s (Romans biological father) crotch got in a rather close relationship with a horse hoof while making out with some blonde at a ranch in Texas, which willy-nilly made Roman an only child of the pair. Despite José’s absence in Romans life, he didn’t really lack any fatherly figures in his life, since Patton made sure he got all the love he deserved. It wasn’t anything surprising considering the fact that Patton was a real sucker for love and Roman just happened to be his only nephew that he just loved to spoil for the time being. Roman spent so much time with his uncles that five years ago Maria made both Patton and Logan legal guardians of Roman as she decided to pursue her dreams full-time, Roman taking Patrons last name more than willingly. It's not that she doesn’t love Roman or doesn’t want to take care of him, she just has slightly other priorities at the time, which neither of the three counting Roman, Patton and Logan, had anything against. As long as everyone was happy, no-one really complained. And Roman just loved his uncles. They were always present in Romans life, and since they couldn't have their own child, they cared for Roman as he was their own. Roman truly couldn’t be more thankful for the most amazing family he could ever wish for, than what he already had. He would often find himself calling Patton ‘Dad’ and Logan ‘Papa’, which neither of them had anything against, if anything, it made them happy. Roman looked over at the house he called home. It was a two-stories high house that could easily house two large families and despite the fact that only three people lived there, it felt far from empty. The building itself was rather modern, made entirely out of gray bricks, but with accents of a typical American house with white wooden: columns, strips, balcony, and patio; stone chimney and a glass greenhouse connected directly to the house, more specific, to the kitchen via gorgeous glass doors. There were plenty of windows as well, each one of them with a pair of wooden shutters and a crate underneath that would be filled with a variety of flowers once the Spring would come. Roman loved how the hot rays of the setting sun would pierce through the windows in the entire house and bathe everything in reds and oranges every once in a while. It was quite magical sight. Roman pulled his suitcase from the dent and walked towards the doors, previously locking the car. He didn’t really bother to knock on the door, swinging it wide open and walking straight in.

“I'm home!” Roman shouted in a tired voice, heading to the kitchen. He was kind of hoping to find peanut butter-chocolate chip cookies that Patton would bake almost every single day, much to Romans joy. When he didn’t spot even a single one, he looked around suspiciously. Something felt wrong. Patton should be already down in the kitchen, jumping left and right to get Roman one of his signature hugs… but he was nowhere to be seen. With heart down in the pit of his stomach, Roman spun around as he heard silent snoring coming from the guest room that was usually empty and locked. He took a couple of steps towards the room, careful to not make any excessive noise. His heart was pounding heavily in his chest, blood rushing through his body, sounding loudly in his ears. Roman gulped, placing his hand on the doorknob. On the count of three, he pushed the door open and froze in place. Patton. His beloved uncle. Logan's husband. In a bed. With another man.

“What the hell are you doing Dad?!” Roman shouted, waking up the two. 


	9. 'I’m dreaming. That’s the only possible explanation.'

Virgil opened his eyes startled, jerking his head up and slamming it against the back of the bed. He hissed, immediately drawing his hands to the spot on his head that hurt like hell. Virgil could swear he was seeing stars dancing before his eyes, as he looked around to identify the source of shouting. Virgil froze as he locked eyes with a boy (?) wearing plain grey jeans, red converse and a white shirt with bright red sleeves and glittering letters spelling ‘PRINCE’ on the chest with a small golden crown imprinted over the word, standing mere meters away from the bed. The boy (?) was quite tall; his back upright and head held high; dark, brown hair with much lighter, golden highlights, lazily curling here and there. He (?) stared Virgil down with the greenest eyes Virgil has ever seen, shining brightly like two huge emeralds from behind long, black eyelashes. He was simply gorgeous. _Now, that is what I call an angel, Virgil. **Y-yeah.**_ Virgil blushed deeply despite his efforts to not to do, feeling the warmth creeping on his cheeks and ears making him look away. Soon enough Virgil found himself staring back at Prince Charming, which only looked at Virgil with disgust. Virgil felt like somebody kicked him in the stomach.

“What is going on h-? Roman, you're back. I thought you would stay at Julian’s.” Logan asked, clearly relieved that the shouting wasn’t anything bad happening. Teacher-persona adjusted his glasses which were currently slipping down his nose. If this man looked like anything, it would be tired. Perhaps being glued to the computer screen for the past few hours wasn’t so good for his health.

“Wh-what?! Can’t you see we have a bigger problem here?!” Roman cried out, pointing dramatically at Virgil. It sent shivers down Virgil's spine, the young one not knowing what he did wrong this time. Logan looked over at Patton and Virgil confused.

“I don’t think I understand what you’re trying to say.” Logan frowned, tilting his head a little to the side. Roman just groaned, deadpanning.

“Are you really that blind or you simply don’t care that your husband is lying in a bed with another man?!” Roman screamed, making Virgil curl up on himself from the excessive noise. **_Please, please, don’t shout. Don’t shout. Don’t shout at me._** Patton looked worried over at Virgil as the younger covered his ears with his hands, suddenly going paler than what he already was.

“What’s gotten into you today Roman?!” Logan tried to outshout his nephew.

“What’s gotten into me? Whats gotten into YOU?!”

“Roman, sweetheart, can you keep it down, you're making Virgil uncomfortable. “ Patton asked nicely, rubbing Virgil's arms up and down. Roman just stared.

“What?! I ?! Keep it down?! Are you… stupid or something, Patton?! What..?! Just...! Who is he?! Why are you…?!” Roman took few steps towards the bed and Virgil almost jumped out of Patton's grip, clearly scared. **_Please, please, please._** Virgil found himself having slight difficulty in breathing with every step Roman took towards him, making his heart beat faster and faster.

“Logan,” Patton asked, his eyes pointing at Roman. Logan nodded, grabbing Romans arm.

“Let me go!” Roman cried.

“Roman, calm down.”

“No!”

“Roman,” Logan asked.

“Logan, how can you…?!”

“ROMAN,” Patton said relatively quiet, but with the most demanding voice Virgil has ever heard, and it was quite something knowing the nature of Virgil's previous employment. Everyone went quiet and Virgil tensed up.

“Keep. It. Down. Kiddo.” Patton muttered, hugging Virgil from behind, startling the younger one at first but calming him down soon enough. Romans jaw dropped.

“I’m dreaming. That’s the only possible explanation.“ He threw his arms up in the air and walked out of the room. While Virgil tried to calm down his breath, Patton pulled him back at the pillows and send him a reassuring smile, even if he knew the younger one couldn’t see it. Logan's head suddenly perked up as he realized something.

“Oh.”  Was the only thing he managed to say before he followed Roman in a hurry. Patton watched the two go for as long as he could see their backs without his glasses, which wasn’t long. He was quite blind without them if one asked him about it. Patton started humming quietly, gently combing Virgils hair with his fingers, trying to help younger one get back to sleep.

Meanwhile, Logan caught up to Roman in the kitchen.

“Roman, wait. I’m so sorry. I suppose we forgot to inform you about our guest.”

“Your guest?! This dude was just sleeping with Dad! How can you be so calm about this?!”

“I… Don’t… Oh, Roman, you got it all wrong.” Logan sighed.

“Wrong?! How can I be wrong about this, you just saw them and..!”

“Yes, I did indeed, and that’s why I say you got it wrong. Nothing had happened between those two, Virgil got sick and Patton is only taking care of him. Neither more nor less, Roman.” Logan yawned, sitting by the kitchen counter. Roman shortly followed, shooting short glances at the room where he had just seen Patton. “Listen, it's really not what it seems like. A couple of days ago Patton just burst into the house with an unconscious boy in his arms. He found that boy, Virgil, on his way home, lying in the snow, on the verge of dying. Patton was so desperate, he looked so crushed… We helped Virgil and he just kind of… stayed with us until now… We checked with Virgil about his family and apparently he has nowhere to go to, so we were thinking about letting him stay here until I could talk with Joan about all of this, but then Virgil got sick in some kind of aftermath from hypothermia and Patton was so worried he refused to leave Virgil by himself for more than one minute. It was driving the three of us crazy! I don’t know how or when did it happen that Patton ended up sleeping with Virgil, but it was the best possible outcome there was. Both of them was so exhausted it was good they got to sleep for at least a couple of hours. Roman, I’m so, so sorry. I just… I forgot to call you, we were just so busy making sure Virgil would be okay, that we just weren't even thinking about letting you know.” Logan explained.

Roman just sat there, processing everything he just heard. He looked over at Logan, seeing guilt deep within his eyes, face pulled down a little. And then it just hit Roman like a truck. With every single sentence analyzed in his head, Romans frown gradually changed into embarrassment, mortified by his previous outburst. Roman couldn’t believe how stupid he was at that moment just a couple of minutes ago. He wanted to punch himself in the face. How could he even think that Patton would do something like this to Logan?! Patton loved his husband and vice versa! Patton would never ever do such a thing and yet Roman was so stupid and accused his Dad of the worst.

“I’m so, so sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Roman. It was our fault to begin with. “

Roman groaned, burying his head in his hands. He felt so utterly stupid. Logan seemed to know what was going on in Romans head, as he walked over to his son and patted him on the head gently. Roman froze, unfamiliar with such physical contact from his Papa. Roman choose to remain silent, rebuking himself in mind for his unacceptable behavior. He found himself leaning into Logan's touch, not knowing that Logan seemed rather satisfied with his reaction for some reason. Roman groaned loudly. How was Roman supposed to be like a Prince if he treated people so badly?!

“How could I say something like this? Patton will never forgive me!”

“Easy now, don’t jump to such irrational conclusions. Patton won’t hold it against you, I would say he is rather aware now that you didn’t know anything about Virgil being here in the first place.”

“I have to apologize to Patton!”

“That might be unnecessary, but I think Virgil wouldn’t mind your apologies.” Roman slapped himself on the forehead. He completely forgot how rude he was to the boy. Roman sighed, coming to the conclusion that it wasn’t Romans day today, the universe seemed to be against him somehow and he just hated that.

“Virgil, was it?”

“Virgil Morgan, to be precise. Approximately one year younger than you, as I’m not sure about the date of his birth.” Logan stated calmly, brewing some coffee.

“Where’s he from?” Roman asked, unable to look away from the open doors across the hall by the kitchen.

“YY.”

“Are you sure…? That’s… Em… Isn't that across the country…? Or something?”

“Yes.” Logan chose not comment on Romans uncertainty in his voice. Logan would later make sure that he gave Roman extra homework containing some geography as well besides the mathematics the younger one was currently struggling with.

“How did he get here then?” Logan sighed like what seemed for the 100th time this day.

“We're not sure, but from what Virgil has told us his parents abandoned him and he was just ‘wandering around’ the country.”

“Abandoned him?”

“Apparently. I contacted Virgil's mother, and she was not pleased hearing about her son.”

“But why? How long has Virgil…? How…? Why…?” Roman asked, unable to express himself correctly as he watched Logan's tense at his words.

“I… don’t know the reason why, but it has been going on for a little over a year from what it seems,” Logan whispered, frowning.

Roman winced at Logan's words, having some hard time putting all of this information together in his head. He felt sorry for Virgil, he really did, no one should have gone through something like this, but… It just seemed so unreal. This whole situation just…! The moment he, the PRINCE (!) goes away, Patton (!) saves some boy from death, comforts him and after all of this when Roman comes back, and the first thing Roman does is destroying everything without even thinking beforehand. Roman groaned pitifully, which Logan must have taken for a sign of both exhaustion and irritation.

“Go to sleep Roman, it should help you calm down. Oh, and don’t worry about those two. I don’t think they’ll blame you for your outburst earlier, I don't think they will remember it either, as it seems they got back to sleep rather quickly.” Logan explained, massaging his own temples. Every single one of the four men in this house looked more like a Zombie than anything else; exhausted, moving apathetically if even at all; close to literally falling apart. Roman yawned, seeing Logan putting away his coffee as if it didn’t look appealing to Logan any longer. Roman thought it had to do something with Logan wanting to do nothing but lay down in his own bed.

“Only if you go and sleep as well.” Roman managed to send his Pops a cheering smile, which the latter returned.

“Sure.”

Both of them managed to get over to the hallway, each of them heading towards his own room. However, before Logan opened the doors to his and Patton's room, he stepped into the guest room. Quietly, he tiptoed over to the bed where the Virgil was lying pressed against Patton's chest. Logan found himself smiling, as he leaned over and gently kissed both men on their foreheads. Before finally moving away from the bed he watched Virgils and Patton's chests, slowly rising and falling in unison, bringing a strange feeling of calmness within him. As Logan closed the doors shut, leaving Patton and Virgil in complete darkness, he missed how Patton send him loving look, only pretending to be asleep when his husband came into the room. Patton smiled with all of his heart full of love for his husband.

”Goodnight, my loves,” Patton whispered, thinking of not only the two men already present in his life but the one young boy in his arms as well. It may have been only a couple of days that they knew each other, but Patton found himself already attached to his strange anxious son, and he didn’t mind it. Not even a little.


	10. 'Not today, Princey'

 

Virgil woke up alone in bed feeling much better. His chest didn't hurt so much as it did for mere hours ago and Virgil could breathe more easily. Despite still having trouble with moving around, he forced himself to stand up, not wanting to waste the whole day away. He needed to get going, Virgil couldn't just sit around at Logan's and Patton's and hope to get away from all of his problems by just simply hiding and trying to avoiding those. Virgil clenched his fists, looking at the doors. Virgil's whole body was trembling with pain as the last few days he was just lying in bed almost motionless, except for the times when Patton or Logan made him eat something or to go to the toilet once or twice, making Virgil look more miserable than what he might usually do. Not that it changed anything, he was already looking like a mess, but shivering made him look more sick and tired than usual.

_Aint that right, Virgil? You look so pathetic I almost feel sorry for you. Almost. Yeah, almost._

Standing in the middle of the room, glancing over at the pink blanket Patton would throw over Virgil whenever Virgil would feel anxious or shiver from cold, Virgil frowned. He could still feel Patton's strong arms hugging him from behind and his fingers going through Virgil's hair, the warmth in his chest this motion would bring making Virgil blush deeply whenever he was thinking back on it. He wasn't anxious anymore around Patton or Logan. Not that much. Virgils didn't stammer as he used to while talking with strangers. Virgil's heart didn't pound so much whenever somebody glanced at him. Virgil's skin didn't burn from the slightest physical contact with either of the Sanders. Virgil didn't feel nauseous when Patton or Logan suddenly was only inches away from his face, whether they did it unintentionally or wanted just to whisper something in his ear. A lot of things that used to happen to Virgil or make him feel just wasn't there... Virgil's inner voice, the sign of his own madness taking over his mind, it wasn't as loud as it used to be, not even the half as hostile as usual. It was... It felt weird. And it felt wrong. So, so wrong. Since Virgil began selling his body at the streets he couldn't bear anyone being near him, especially... Especially men. Virgil lost all of his trust in anyone, he simply felt like everybody would want to hurt him one way or another as his clients used to... No-one ever made him feel safe. Approaching him with kindness and then using it against Virgil, making him vulnerable, hurting him, torment him both physically and mentally. Virgils first time... His first night he spent with a man was utter... horrible. It was awful, violent, debilitating. The faceless man Virgil slept with made him do... The whole experience was so humiliating. Virgil's body, burning under the touch of the faceless man. Faceless man fingers running all over Virgil's body, leaving red scratch marks slowly filling up with small droplets of blood. Every slap, every pinch, every touch made Virgil cringe and tremble. The whole time Virgil felt disgusted with himself. Virgil would sob, hell, Virgil cried the whole time, only making the faceless man enjoy everything even more. Virgil wanted to vomit the second they were finished. He wanted to perish, to die. He just wanted to disappear. Every night after the first one was equally bad and awful, but somehow it became Virgil's reality, his way of living. Virgil became numb inside. Every night he would sleep with at least three, maybe four unknown men. Every day he would get another four clients. He would go down on his knees and welcome anyone with money on their hand. Since then every contact, whether physical or social, with anyone but Granny made Virgil feel like suffocating... The sour and pungent taste of bile coming in the back of his throat... Everything was making Virgil feel anxious, scared, hell, it made Virgil terrified at times... And suddenly... It just disappeared. It wasn't there. And it worried Virgil. The feeling of calmness and safety... That's not what he was used to, it was not something that Virgil should feel... But he did. And Virgil needed to get rid of these feelings. He didn't want to make himself vulnerable ever again. Virgil was sure Patton and Logan, even the so-called Roman were good people... But for how long? Virgil didn't want to believe that those pure-hearted people would make Virgil feel even remotely uncomfortable or use him in any way, but the voice in Virgil's head would just scream at him that everything was a lie. A terrible lie that was supposed to make Virgil let down his guard and let the others in only to make him suffer all over again. Virgil didn't want his heart being broken again, not so short after the Granny that just left him. He wasn't ready yet. He didn't even want to ever be ready. It was easier to keep everyone out of his life and feel comfortably numb.

Virgil tiptoed over to the doors, lowered his head slightly and put his ear to the cold wooden doors trying to catch any sound pointing to anyone being around. Everything was quiet. Virgil opened the doors slowly, uncertain if he was being already deaf or there really wasn't anyone around. It was apparently the latter. Virgil let out a breath of relief. He surely didn't have much time to get out of the house. As Virgil looked around for his sneakers, he walked by a wall, literally covered in photos and pictures of Patton, Logan, Roman and a couple of other unknown to him peoples. They looked so... happy. It made Virgil's stomach do flips. The Sanders were so nice to him, they were so utterly good and tried so hard to help Virgil and make him comfortable. And what was he doing now? He was about to run away from them, to disappear without a word. Virgil would waste the time and effort Logan and Patton put in helping him, just like that. He would make them disappointed... make them worry...

_Now, now Virgil. Don't you think a little high of yourself, you little piece of shit? They would never worry about you, if anything, you would make them a favor if you would just disappear. Just like your mother said. If you stay here any longer, you will ruin them. You're bad luck, Virgil. You should be all alone... Well, not completely alone, but you don't deserve to be with anyone but me, that is. I'm enough for you and you should be thankful I'm even here. If you really want to help Logan and Patton, you'll leave immediately. **I... I know that already. I shouldn't be here. They don't deserve to suffer because of me, do they?** No, they don't. I'm glad you finally understand my point, Virgil. **I don't want them to realize how big of a mistake they did saving me... I'm not worth it. I should be dead. They should have let me die. Patton should have left me to die. I shouldn't be here.** Oh, Virgil, it's not your fault it turned out like this, but you can still make up for it, I promise. You just have to leave... Just leave. Like that. You're right. I'm happy that you share my point. I really am._

Virgil stumbled, suddenly feeling too weak to stand of his own. Almost collapsing, he leaned against the wall, shuffling the photos on the wall. He could see in the corner of his eyes one of the frames wobble on the end of the nail, dangerously close to the edge of the small metal piece. The photo fell. Virgil jumped at the sudden noise, anxious about anyone being able to hear it. He stumbled down to his knees, crawling over to the thankfully not broken piece of decoration. It fell face down and as Virgil held the cold plastic in his trembling hands he read the text in the corner of the frame, written in stylish cursive. '11th of December, 2017. Virgil and Patton.' Virgil eyes opened in a shock. What was his name doing there? Was there anyone else named Virgil that Patton knew? But wasn't... Wasnt that just a couple of days ago? Virgil hurriedly flipped the photo in his hands, his eyebrows narrowing, not believing what he was seeing. It was... It really was Patton and Virgil. Together, cuddling in a bed. The one that stood in the guestroom. Virgil knew Patton was sleeping with Virgil for a couple of hours, but he didn't think it looked like... this. There was nothing wrong with Patton, looking like an angel with his light brown hair, looking almost like sand blonde, curling and looking painfully good even if standing in a million different directions at once... His whole, a little chubby (healthy, healthy chubby kind of way) but still muscular and well shaped body completely relaxed... The hint of smile on his soft, pink lips... The glasses, slightly crooked... It was... He looked gorgeous, Virgil had to admit it. Patton wasn't the part of the photo that made Virgil uncomfortable. It was actually he himself. Virgil was pale in this photo. So, so pale and... ugly. You could see all of the imperfections clear as day at the very first glimpse of that picture. Virgil was fat, he looked like a obese swine, ready to be slaughtered. The oily, greasy skin covered in pimples oozing with white and yellow goo. The ever sweaty and dirty hair clinging to Virgils neck. The black bruises under his eyes looking as they were applied with an eyeshadow, so dark and so much like a black eye one would get out of a fight. And Virgil did look like he lost big. But what was more unnerving about the photo was the way Virgil clung to Patton, like he was a kind of a lifeline. So desperate and so scared to be left alone. Virgil felt suddenly ill, letting the photo fall back to the ground. How could Virgil be this way towards a man?  _Oh Virgil. How... Why would you... This is wrong Virgil. So WRONG, you understand? You... Just look at yourself, clinging to a man only because he showed you mercy... Always going back to your roots, eh? How pitiful. You're pitiful. You're disgusting. You DISGUST me. **Please, I didn't... I didn't mean to! Really, believe me! Please.... just... please..**. _ After a couple of minutes, frozen on the ground in one place, drowned in complete silence, something snapped inside of Virgil's mind. He had to leave. He... Virgil couldn't be here anymore, his heart couldn't take it anymore. He...

"Oh my god, kiddo?! Areyoualright,didsomethinghappentoyou,ohmypooranxiousbaby!" Patton cried, running off to Virgil, kneeling down by his side. Pat took Virgil's chin in his hands, watching carefully for any signs of pain on the younger one's face. Virgil didn't jerk away, not even noticing that Patton was in fact in front of his face, which worried Patton so much he began to snap fingers in front of Virgil's eyes. Virgil didn't respond at first, making Patton anxious, but as fast as Virgil blinked Patton sighed with relief. Hugging Virgil tightly, rubbing his back in a soothing way, Patton hummed something under his nose. Virgil's heart skipped a bit as he could feel Patton's bare skin on Virgil's forearms. It didn't burn. Not even a little. It was weird. It was bad. Virgil broke the silence with a silent sob escaping his mouth. Tears began to slowly fall down his face, wetting Pattons cardigan. Patton just continued to hum, not bothered by the youngers sudden breakdown. Sure, it made Patton worry over what might be wrong, but he didn't ask, knowing better to not ask right away. Virgil would tell him when he would be ready. The two of them just sat on the ground, hugging and staring off into the distance, Patton humming what seemed like Disney songs under his breath. When the first notes of a certain song from "The lion king" franchise escaped Patton's mouth a sudden voice began singing loudly from up the stairs, startling the two.

"Can you feel the love tonight..?!" Roman sung, posing dramatically. When a chuckle escaped Virgil's mouth through the tears, sobbing and the hickup he got, he immediately covered his mouth with his hands. Patton cooed, rubbing his cheek in Virgil's hair.

"Ow, my Chemically Imbalanced Romance finally laughed! I thought you were dead inside, my friend!" Roman smiled but flinched as Patton shot his angry look.

"Now, don't be rude to Virgil, kiddo! He is our guest!" Patton beamed, pointing a finger in a no-no motion at Roman. 

"Wha... What? I'm not rude..! It's true!"

"And how many times have you seen Virgil yet?"

"Pffft..."

"Roman"

"Once, dad..."

"Apologise, right now," Patton asked with his demanding voice, making everyone silent and pretty much obedient to anything the Dad-person would say. Virgil looked sadly over at Roman, rising his head upwards, his arms dropping slightly. Roman was so painfully handsome, even more than what Patton was, it made Virgil's eyes hurt as he was sure he didn't even deserve to look at something so perfect. Roman was wearing today brown drop-crotch pants, brown sleeve-raglan with orange sleeves and white socks, and... was it some eyeshadow, mascara, and red lipstick? Virgil's heart tightened in his chest. Roman looked like a model, having a really good sense of style. Warm green eyes stared Virgil down, making him turn away his head in embarrassment as he was caught staring. Roman made it look like he didn't notice, but his warm smile dropped a little bit. He took few steps towards Patton and Virgil, crouching down to meet them on the same eye-level. Roman stared bluntly at Virgil, consumed in his own deep thoughts. Virgil looked up confused, meeting the warm gaze of Romans emerald green eyes. Roman didn't look away, studying Virgils face attentively. Roman never really got the chance to do this, so he took this opportunity to look at this anxious kitten Patton seemed to adore from up close. What did Patton see in him that was so special he didn't want to let him go? Roman wasn't talking about Virgil's appearance, as the younger one had to be the most beautiful boy Roman ever met. Sure, Virgil looked quite sick and tired at the moment, clothed in grey jogging pants, black socks and a black-graphite shirt that slightly hanged at the boy that was much skinnier than the person the clothes were intended for in the first place. Even if... Roman could only imagine how the other one looked like when he would be well rested and relaxed, without the constant frown on his face. Roman studied Virgil for a while. It was without the doubt that Virgil looked literally like a porcelain doll with his clean and pale, snow-white skin, his very gentle but feminine face features embedded in straight black hair, slightly curling on the ends outwards shining slightly blue and purple, just like a feather of a raven. Virgils full, feisty cherry lips slightly parted, looking so delicate and soft... But it wasn't what charmed Roman to the point of gazing in awe at the pure sight. It was Virgil's eyes. They maybe were sad, pain hiding deep inside them, but they were beautiful. Virgils eyes looked like two amethysts, the shimmering tone of deep lavender, much darker by the pupils and lighter at the edges of the iris glittering in the light, hidden behind long coal-black eyelashes struck awe in Romans heart, melting everything Roman had inside of him, spreading warmth in his body. Roman gulped. As soon as Virgil tilted his head a little, hiding his head in the shadows, his eyes turned both much darker and brighter at the same time. They looked like a starry sky... So black and mysterious but light up with the countless amount of silver stars. Roman almost groaned. Almost. Roman was certainly sure it was Virgil's eyes that made Patton want him by his side. Eyes were like the window of one's soul... And Virgil soul must be beautiful if his eyes looked like this. So pure and good... hurt, sad and tired... but still beautiful. Patton really had a way of wanting to protect and repair broken things... And Virgil certainly qualified...

"Is there something strange on my face?" Virgil suddenly asked, all well too aware of his own body, snapping Roman out of his thoughts. Roman blushed, feeling his cheeks burning. How long did he stare at the boy? Oh, gosh, Virgil's voice was so soft and melodic, maybe a little bit quiet and hoarse from Virgil's cold, but so... so beautiful... Roman smiled nervously.

"N-no... I just... Did you know your eyes change their color in the dark?" Roman asked instead, turning away his head, trying to hide his blush.

"Well, kiddo, it was a really beautiful way of saying sorry! That was so cute!" Patton smiled, grabbing Roman by his arm embracing the two boys that now were wiggling, trying to escape, laughing loudly. 

"You feel better, kiddo?" Patton asked, helping Virgil up. Virgil smiled back, keeping his eyes down. 

"Yeah, sure." he managed to whisper before his eyes fell down on the photo on the ground. Patton followed his gaze and smiled, grabbing the plastic frame. He looked at it curiously and burst with a loud squeal. Roman looked over his shoulder, trying to sneak a peek at the thing Patton was holding. Virgil thou mustered the remaining energy within him to snatch the photo before the could see it.

"Not today, Princey," Virgil smirked, hiding the photo behind his back. Roman pouted, dramatically crossing his hands over his chest. 

"I take it back, you're no fun!"

"Sure, whatever, sir-sing-a-lot."

"Stop fighting already, kiddos! What about the both of you help me make some pancakes before Logan comes back from Joans?" Patton asked, already walking towards the kitchen. Roman just groaned and turned on his heel, following Patton. Virgil put the photo back in place and turned towards the entrance doors. They were so close. He could still go for a run and leave. He could do this now while Patton and Roman were distracted with pancakes. Virgil could just go and... disappear.  _What are you waiting for, Virgil? **I don't know, I really don't**_.  _Oh Virgil, just go make those pancakes already, you prick._ Virgil chuckled quietly, as he took a step towards the kitchen. 

"Hurry up, Hot topic."

"Awww, you think he is hot!" Patton squealed, making both Roman and Virgil blush. Roman, because, obviously... Caught in the act. Virgil... Virgil because he was embarrassed about the fact that Patton would say something that was clearly not true and possibly humiliating for Roman. Virgil didn't look good. Not in his own eyes. Virgil was disgusted by himself... And there was nothing that could change it. 

"Yeah, whatever..." Virgil whispered, walking towards Patton and Roman, already rummaging through the kitchen counters. 


	11. 'No one is going to hurt you, Virgil. I promise.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I'm sorry it took so long, it's just the finals are 'round the corner and I have to work hard now to get my diploma, otherwise, I'm fucked xD School is hard, life is hard too and my computer refuses to work with me... Well, but the chapter is out... finally.

Virgil sat silently in an armchair by the wall, both his knees under his chin hugged tightly to Virgil's chest, looking through the window. Everything that was so painfully white just a couple of hours ago was now colored blood-orange, shining like small diamonds as the setting sun was reflecting in the snow, hurting Virgil's eyes. It was a sight Virgil haven’t seen in years as he usually spent the most of his life locked away in a room, beaten up by his parents or selling himself, so he sat there in slight awe watching as the sun was setting behind the line of trees. As Virgil glanced around it seemed like the Sanders were living in a forest, literally in the middle of nowhere. As far as he could see there were no other houses around so it was truly a blessing or maybe even a curse (considering Virgil's luck) that Virgil came across the Sanders. They didn’t seem like bad people, but Virgil didn’t really know what to think about Logan, Patton or Roman just yet as it were only a few days that he knew them. Every single sign of kindness was making Virgil anxious and suspicious. He couldn’t just trust anybody… At this point, even someone so nice as Patton, could be only trying to deceive Virgil and use him for their own benefits. Sometimes it was the nicest that were the worst and it just happened that the most people that have been remotely nice to Virgil ended up dead or slowly and painfully killing Virgil. Sighing, Virgil closed his tired eyes and he leaned against the cold glass of the window, thinking of how happy Roman and Patton looked like, doing something as simple as making pancakes. How was it possible for anyone to have so much fun? Roman didn’t even protest that much when Patton asked him to wash the dishes, doing his chores with a smile on his face, constantly laughing at almost everything Patton said, mostly puns that sometimes didn’t even make any sense. And Virgil… Virgil just sat there by the counter helplessly, not really knowing what to do other than sit and observe the two strangers working together. Even if Patton just asked the both of boys for help, the Dad persona just smiled at Virgil, patted him on the head and told him to rest before pouring the batter for first pancakes onto the frying pan.

~ ”Virgil, come down right away!” His mother yelled with an angry voice, sending shivers down Virgil's spine. He knew better to shout back some sort of ‘I’m coming’ and run down the stairs the very second his mother asked him to do so. Virgil rushed out of his room as fast as his aching up body allowed him to, clumsily bumping into walls and various objects such as a nightstand by the doors to Virgil's room. It was rather painful to move around, considering that… Well, Virgil may have gotten a beating just the other day for not ‘remembering’ to water the plants as his mother told him to. Virgil wondered what he might have ‘forgot’ to do this time. The more exhausted Virgil got the more his body failed him including Virgil’s hearing, but still… Virgil was sure his mother never mentioned anything about the plants. She just wanted to take her anger out on Virgil… As she usually would. The only thing Virgil… Virgil didn’t understand why she even bothered to lie. It wasn’t like Virgil wouldn’t let her do it anyway.

“I told you to do the dishes! And what do I see?! You're lazing around your room instead of doing what I told you! You ungrateful brat! I give you water, I give you food, I give you a place to sleep at after everything you did to us! And the only… The only thing I'm asking in return is some help around here! You're useless, pathetic, just as you’ve always been. I wish it was you who died, not Anabelle. Not her! Not my daughter!” She shouted, throwing various objects at Virgil such as perfectly clean plates, that he apparently forgot the take care of earlier. Virgil didn’t even flinch when one flew by his head, shattering on the wall behind him. The only thing he could see was his mothers bleeding hand as she cut herself on the broken glass, a string of crimson running down her hand, contrasting so much with her pale skin almost as white as Virgil’s. Virgil felt tears coming to his eyes.

“M-mom… Please… I-I know t-that… It should h-have been me… I.. I-I know it already… I'm s-sorry. So, so sorry… But please… Stop h-hurting your-yourself.” Virgil sobbed, counting the drops of blood dripping down on the counter. One. Two. Three… “Mom…”

“Shut up.”

“Mom…”

“Shut up.” Four…

“Please…”

“Shut up…” Five. Six…

“Please, m-mom…”

“Shur up, shut up, shut up. Shut up! SHUT UP ALREADY! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! HATE YOU! HATE YOU! I WISH YOU WERE DEAD!” She shouted, throwing a mug she held in her bleeding hand right at Virgil's face. Seven. Eight. Nine… ~

Virgil jumped suddenly, waking up as the dish was just about to shatter on his face. Panting, heart beating fast as he recalled the memory. Virgil raised his hand to his face, gently touching a slight bump on his left chin directly under his ear. A scar on his once beautiful and unscathed skin. Virgil smiled sadly, lowering his hand, feeling his heart pound in his chest loudly, pushing painfully against the walls of his ribcage. It was rather normal for Virgil to think back to his mother. It just sort of happened if Virgil sat still and just stared off into the distance for far too long without having anything to keep his mind busy. Even if Virgil’s memories didn’t make him panic as much as they used to, they still made his heart race a little faster every time he found his mind subconsciously drifting off from everything that happened around him to the painful memories of his childhood. 

”Are you alright, padre?” Roman asked, placing a tea on the table next to the armchair Virgil sat in.

“Y-yeah, I’m… I’m fine.” Virgil muttered, desperately trying to calm his own breathing. “R-roman, ri-right?” As Virgil spoke, said man looked suspiciously at Virgil's shaking hands. A minute of silence passed, just the two looking at each other not really knowing what to do or what to say. It was quite awkward to say the least, the tension just hanging in the air between the two boys. Roman's eyes narrowed slightly in confusion thinking about the reason why Virgil would be so stressed and as realization struck him the boy yelped in shock covering his visibly open mouth with the palm of his hand.

“Oh, my, where are my manners?! I... Roman Sanders, at your service my dark knight!” Roman beamed, dramatically hovering his right hand over his hearth and the left out in the air, bowing slightly his head with courtesy. Virgil didn’t respond, his breath stuck in his throat unable to think of any response. He just nodded, looking off to the side avoiding boy’s eyes.

“S-sure, Princey.” Virgil managed to get out, looking back at the window, managing to calm himself.

“And there’s it, again.” Roman laughed, sending Virgil warm smile.

“Wh-what do you mean?” Virgil asked cluelessly.

“You're calling me ‘Princey’” He said, sitting in an armchair standing right across Virgil’s, separated only with a coffee table. _Just listen to yourself, already upsetting people. How is it you're still alive at this point? **I don’t know.** Me neither Virgil, me neither. Just… Stop staring at him at least. You're creepy. _Virgil snapped from his thought, not notoícing that he indeed was staring at Roman, which was actually also staring at Virgil. As their eyes met, both of them looked away blushing slightly.

“It was… It w-was on your jacket… I mean, your s-shirt… The other d-day, I m-mean.“ Virgil muttered, playing with his fingers, eventually cracking his knuckles. Roman frowned at the pure sound of bones cracking.

“It okay, I like it. It's just that… No one else calls me like that, not exactly the same, but still… It's usually just ‘Roman’… I mean, no one calls me anything but ‘Roman’, I guess my Dad and my Pa does, but you know, they're my parents. And Pat just really loves to give me nicknames, but… “ Roman blurted out the last part more rashly as he noticed that he started to talk off-topic. “And, what’s… What’s your name? How do others call you?” Roman asked, noticing the slight tensing of Virgils back. _Now, how do they call you? Freak? Slut? Whore? Bastard? Fucker? Which one do you think fits you the most..? Maybe all of them?_   _Yeah, probably that._

“My n-name is… My name is Virgil. I… I t-though the others told you already…” Virgil tried to ignore the voice in his head but failed miserably as all the insults just echoed in his head, making Virgil's head hurt.

“You're right, they told me, but it's nicer hearing this from you.” Roman smiled a little too shyly for Romans own liking, fangirling at the pure sound of Virgil's voice. It wasn’t Romans fault he actually liked the sound of his own name in Virgil's mouth. 

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

“Y-yeah, I mean… I didn’t expect you… To b-be this… nice, you k-know?” Virgil asked, lowering his gaze. Roman frowned. Why would Virgil think he wouldn’t be nice towards him? Was it something Roman did? Was is something Roman sa… Oh. Oh… It... It was something Roman said. Or rather something Roman forgot to say after he said something rather unforgivable. Now it did make actual sense why Virgil wasn’t feeling good around Roman. Roman deadpanned thinking about how he was just failing at being himself… At being a prince!

“Virgil, I'm so… so sorry. I really didn’t… I didn’t mean to shout… I didn’t mean to startle you like that, especially when you were so… so sick. I'm so sorry Virgil for doubt you and suspect the worst of you… And…”

“Princey, just… Chill, o-okay? It's fine… I… I don’t m-mind you… You had the right to t-think whatever you were t-thinking, you k-know?” Virgil just waved his hand at that, brushing it off as if it was nothing, willing to forget how much the other startled him and how bad he made him think about himself.

“No, it… It's not okay. How… How could I, of all people, say something like this to you, our honored guest?! I feel awful with myself right now!” _Just look at him Virgil, you're making him feel bad about himself now. Can you not bring everyone down with your presence, just for once? How hard can it be? **B-but I d-didn't…**_

“Okay, okay, I… I accept your apology… C-can you now… You k-know… Calm down? Geez, you're j-just like your father…” Virgil muttered, much without thinking, slapping a hand over his mouth too late to stop the sarcasm from escaping his lips. “I'm sorry… I d-didn’t… I didn’t mean to…” He tried to apologize, but Roman only laughed him off.

“You mean Patton, right? He is not my dad, actually… He is my uncle. And neither Logan is my real father, but everyone tells us how much we resemble each other. They're rubbing off on me, I guess.” Roman shrugged his arms like it was nothing and deep within Roman thoughts, it really wasn’t anything special. It was just the way it was, and honestly, he loved his Dad and Pa so much it was almost a compliment to hear people comparing them.

“Then w-why…”

“That’s because we're close… And I love them… Oh, and they adopted me too, so maybe that’s why.” Roman counted, pointing respectively fingers. Virgil frowned but didn’t say anything, wanting anything but to butt in into someone else’s life. Maybe he was a little curious… But curiosity killed the cat. _That’s our rule #1, right, Virgil? **Yeah…**_ Virgil really didn’t want to mess around, he was already a nuisance to the others and he didn’t want to make it even worse than what it already was. For the few last days, he already caused so much trouble by the simple presence of his, and overstepping the personal boundaries of others was really not his thing. Nobody likes to be pointed out on their past, or at least Virgil supposed so, as he hated it himself whenever someone was sniffing around his life. Not because he didn't appreciate all of the concern, but more because he was ashamed of himself… So Not asking Roman about his past was the best idea. Virgil just couldn’t do something he himself wouldn’t like to anyone else to do… Not while his own life was a medley of some sort and he just barely managed to keep on living.

“Virgil…” Roman began to apologize in a soft voice, seeing Virgil curl up upon himself visibly distraught because of something, looking just so miserable it made Roman’s heart clutch. Afraid that, once again, it was something inappropriate he said or did. Virgil didn’t respond and as Roman slowly raised his hand to pat Virgil on his head, a loud and tired voice came to their ears, making the two turn their heads towards the source of the sound.

“Welcome home, Pa!” Roman shouted recognizing the voice of Logan, making Virgil flinch from the sudden noise that appeared just by his ear. Roman didn’t even realize he was scaring Virgil until he saw the other one begin to tremble slightly. How was it possible for Roman to somehow manage to screw everything up when it came down to Virgil? He couldn’t even greet his own father without making Virgil feel uncomfortable.

“Ups, I'm sorry Virgil.”

“Stop it. It’s-It’s okay. Just… Please don’t shout next t-time.” Virgil sighed, clenching his fist on his heart, trying to ground himself in attempt to calm down his coming anxiety attack.

“Roman? Have you seen Patton and Virgil?” Logan asked, coming to the living room Roman and Virgil currently sat at. “Salutations.” Logan greeted taking off his dark blue coat, hanging it on the wall in the, still standing in the hallway.

“Dad is upstairs, the last time I saw him was he sleeping in your room. And Virgil… Well, Virgil is here with me as you see.” Roman explained, pointing with his head first to the stairs and then at Virgil. Logan nodded satisfied with the answer and vanished behind the wall only to show moments later in the living room without shoes on and with a huge pile of neatly stacked papers in hands. Roman stood up to help the teacher-persona caring the papers over to the nearest table big enough to place everything, which just happened to be the kitchen counter. Logan thanked Roman with a silent smile on his face, rubbing the templates of his head with now free hands. Logan sighed and looked over at Virgil with caring eyes.

“How are you feeling today, Virgil?” He asked, making Virgil blush slightly. _Oh, come on. You're ridiculous Virgil. He just asked you out of pity, there's no way he really meant it._ Virgil only shrugged his arms, suddenly unable to speak.

“We left you pancakes in the microwave, Pa” Roman smiled, pointing to the white metal box standing by the fridge.

“Thank you very much, Roman. Could you brew me some coffee while I talk with Virgil? If I recall correctly, you have to go to the storage room for a new pack of coffee beans.” Logan asked adjusting his glasses. Roman nodded without hesitation, unabashed by Logan's request and clear attempt to leave him and Virgil alone for a moment. After Roman disappeared in the hallway, Logan walked over to Virgil that just managed to get himself up from sitting in the armchair.

“Easy there, Virgil. You still need to rest, don’t think I forgot you're sick and should be laying right now in bed instead of sitting here.” Logan reprimanded Virgil with far more caring and soothing voice than Virgil thought Logan would ever be able to while scolding him for doing something stupid.  

“I'm sorry,” Virgil muttered.

“Well, as long as you keep yourself from the cold, with a blanket perhaps, you should be fine...“ Going over to the couch and grabbing the big mass of pink fluff from it, Logan gently put this “thing” on Virgil’s shoulders. It appeared to be another pink blanket, that smelled definitely like Roman. _Just how many more pink blankets does this guy have?_  “…but I do recommend you to lay down after we are finished talking.” Logan simply stated, hand pointing to the kitchen. Virgil obediently followed, keeping his mouth shut. He just simply didn’t want to accidentally upset Logan as he clearly managed to do with Roman. Every time Virgil said something Roman would frown and look away pained, not understanding that the said man was more irritated with himself rather than with Virgil. As they both sat down, Logan sighed again.

“As you may have noticed, I was out of the house today, more specifically, at my friends Joan's place. They are an old friend of mine that just happens to work as a lawyer that specializes in social work. I talked to them about you, the circumstances under which we met and your current housing situation... And while they would like to meet you personally, they agreed to wait for you to get better and just fill out these papers for now. I assumed you didn't have any documents with you, such as your ID or any other papers that would help us get all the needed information for actually being able to do something about… your situation with your parents… (or your boyfriend.)” Logan spoke calmly, moving the stack of papers in front of him in neat, equal rows. Virgil found himself dumbfounded, hearing about older man’s day. It was too much for Virgil to process at once, being only able to think how ungrateful he must look like, just staring blankly at the papers in front of him. Logan and Patton tried so much to help him ant the only thing Virgil managed to do was to upset and irritate everyone around. Logan grabbed a pen in his hands and waited for Virgil to look at him.

“I… I left everything back a-at… my boyfriend’s.” Virgil sighed cursing himself for his own stupidity. _You should have at least grabbed your phone, you know? **I know I was stupid, you don’t have to rub it in my face…** And where would the fun be in all of this then? You fucked up and now you're paying for your stupidity. _

“That’s rather unfortunate. I suppose we could consider going back to your boyfriend’s and retrieve your belongings in the near future.” Logan suggested, making Virgil’s blood turn cold all at once.  He could hear his own heartbeat in his ears, beating violently.

“I… w-would rather not…go back there.”

“I understand that it's not something you would like to do, therefore I asked Joan for their opinion and they suggested that we contact the local authorities…”

“But..! That’s not…”

“Now, its rather clear that you don’t like the idea and I can't help but wonder why you think this way? The police, for an instant, is supposed to help in situations like this, not the other way around, Virgil.”     

“You don’t get it, Shon… Shon is a bad guy, I can’t say otherwise, but… He did h-help me when I needed it… It just… I can’t just… Send police over to his place…”

“Virgil, I may not know what happened between the two of you but I have a guess that he didn’t take care of you as he should, Virgil. You running away from him in the middle of snowstorm tells me your relationship wasn’t a peaceful one.”

“Mr. Sanders…”

“Call me Logan, Virgil.”

“Logan, please… I beg of you, just, let it go… He probably already threw away all of my stuff anyway, there's no point in looking for these at his place.”

“Well, Virgil… It pains me to say this, but I don’t understand why he would do something like this. The case of disappearing of a someone you know well includes often large amounts of worry you ‘feel’ for the missing person. Whether you did or did not run away, it would be irrational of him to just throw everything away and forget about you only because of you not being home with him anymore. In addition, I could only guess he would be out looking for you right now, Virgil.”

“Shon… Shon is not… Not like this. He’d…”

“Virgil… Let's do it this way: you tell me first about your relationship with your boyfriend and why you ran away from him, so we can take things from there instead. I know it may be personal and I shouldn’t ask, Patton would most probably scold me right now if he was here, but in order to really help you, I have to understand whats happening here. I get it may be painful for you, but we are highly concerned about you and your health.”

“It's not…”

“Virgil, I have to point it out… The injuries of yours, not all of them of course, but the most look rather fresh and I can only guess it had your boyfriend involved in making of these.” Logan stated calmly only making Virgil more stressed about the whole thing. Everything Logan said was true, the relationship between Virgil and Shon; Shon looking for Virgil (but for different reasons Logan may think, like beating Virgil to death for the simple try of running away); the injuries… Virgil could not help but look away from Logan, feeling the way of nausea hit him the instant he thought about even considering going back there. Virgil’s breath became more rapid, uneven, caught in his throat, suffocating him. Virgil's body tensed up, his muscles painfully locking themselves keeping Virgil curled in a big ball of worry and fear, all the turmoil in Virgil's head causing him to panic. Everything around Virgil was screaming loudly in his head that he should get out of there here, to just run away once again. Unable to calm himself down, Virgil could feel himself digging his nails deep into the skin of his own arms, literally tearing himself apart as the crooked smile of Shon hovered before his eyes. It took probably good fifteen minutes before he even heard Logan talking to him.

“..gil. Virgil, look at me. Everything is fine. You are safe here. Nobody is going to hurt you, I promise. Just breathe with me.” Logan tried to remember everything he had read about panic attacks, but the only thing he could recall while watching the young one suffering was how to help Virgil breathe. It was as if suddenly everything Logan knew jumped out of the window the moment he most needed it as if he himself got a panic attack of some sort. Logan could only watch Virgil get paler and paler, constantly trembling like a really distressed chihuahua left for death. What would Patton do in a situation like this? Logan awkwardly hugged Virgil from the side, taking Virgils hands in his own in order to stop the younger one causing even more harm to himself. Keeping Virgil close to his chest, Logan tried to breathe regularly making sure his own chest reacted accordingly to the moving of his own lungs so that Virgil could match his own breathing the Logans. It took good ten minutes before Logan could feel Virgil's heartbeat slow down, another five to get it to beat at a more acceptable rate.

“That’s it. You're doing good, Virgil. Breathe with me.” Logan whispered to Virgil's ear, stroking him slowly on the back with one hand and wipe away the tears streaming down Virgil’s face with the other. The sat just there hugging, breathing in unison, both trying to calm down.

“S-shn’s… Shon’s g-going t-to… to k-kill me.”

“We won’t let him even touch you, Virgil. I promise.” Logan groaned, feeling guilty for making Virgil think about his questionable relationship with Shon and for causing him to get a panic attack because of this. It truly pained Logans heart to be the reason for of all this, so he just hugged Virgil more tightly, feeling the boy slowly relax in his arms. 

“You c-can’t stop him, Shon’s g-gonna f-find me soon and t-then…”

"Virgil, listen to me. As long as I and Patton are here, no one is going to hurt you... We will not let anyone hit you or insult you ever again. I promise.” Logan tried to assure this small and fragile boy in his arms, slowly rocking the both of them forth and back, that they would protect him no matter what. And surprisingly, Logan really meant it. He didn’t know this boy for too long but he already found himself attached to this anxious kid which if you’d tell him just a couple of days ago he would do, Logan would laugh off and not believe you. Logan loved both Patton and Roman with his whole being, they were his family, his refuge, a solid rock in this cruel world but… but there was this teeny tiny space within this circle of love and admiration in Logan's life left, that apparently, Virgil squeezed himself into. Just a couple of days ago Logan would think it was too ridiculous to be true, to actually ‘feel’ this way about a stranger, but he did. Logan really did. Putting the papers to the side, Logan just picked Virgil up causing the anxious boy to tense at first and moved them to the couch, placing Virgil comfortably in his lap, keeping him close to Logan’s chest. Virgil, no longer crying but silently sobbing from time to time, drifted off to sleep in no time as Logan hummed silently under his nose the calm tunes of the 'Noble Maiden Fair (A Mhaighdean Bhan Uasal)' from Brave.

"No one is going to hurt you, Virgil. I promise."

 

That was the second time Roman found Virgil sleeping together with one of his parents, but this time, he just covered the both of them with his pink blanket and let them sleep peacefully. Of course, before going back to his room, he just had to take a picture, because… Well, how could he pass on this ‘once upon a lifetime’ opportunity? 

It seemed like it was running in their family to take sneaky pictures of each other... But who would complain? 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Link to the song at the end of the chapter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqOmlipOGe0
> 
> Probably will illustrate the cuddle-scene with Logan and Virgil, just have to find my graphic tablet in order to do so xD


	12. 'In the end, one does not exclude the other'

”Would you like a cup of tea, Virgil? I recommend you Chamomile Tea, it is known to be used for fighting off anxiety and depression.” Logan asked, pointing to the white cup he held in his hands. Virgil nodded and looked down at the papers, filling the necessary information needed in order to let Virgil resume his studies, as Logan explained earlier. Virgil didn’t really know how he felt about going to school once again. He did actually skip a year or two (it was a long time ago, and it’s not like he skipped classes, but instead he began going to school much earlier than his peers because of his talent for music) before and never really had any problems with his studies, but the last two years he’s been more or less homeless he didn’t really think all that much about his future. It was clear to Virgil he wouldn’t live long enough to even bother planning his life, but here he was now, anxious about his past life choices. The both of men already filled papers for application for a temporary ID card, as Virgil was pretty sure he wouldn't get the chance of getting his old one back any time soon, if ever. Virgil knew he would have to go back there, to Shon's place sooner or later, but as long as it concerned Virgil he would choose the latter. His “Boyfriend” wasn’t one of the calmest people out there, it would often happen that he would drink a little too much and go berserk if he didn’t pass out fast enough to sleep off the effects of alcohol, which usually didn’t end well for Virgil. It wasn’t anything new for Virgil, as his parents became pretty heavy drinkers themselves after Annabelle’s death, and an extra bruise here and there wasn’t making any difference at this point. It was more often Virgil’s body was covered in blues and purples while living with parents or Shon than not, the only rest Virgil got was this short time at Granny’s. It was like a vacation, almost, but everything had to come to an end. The day before Virgil ran off from Shon the man was in a pretty bad mood and Virgil feared how angry he must have gotten because of Virgil’s disappearance, the whole time Virgil stayed at Shon’s he never came out of the house. Locked away in Shon’s bedroom whenever Virgil’s boyfriend had to go away, only letting Virgil out when he was at home and wanted him to do the house chores. The only times Shon let Virgil out was when he needed help in caring some heavier tools (?) and equipment to the various places Shon was working at as a construction worker, and even then he constantly was keeping an eye on Virgil. Shon didn’t really had to do this as Virgil never actually tried to leave as he didn’t care anymore about anything, but it was better to be sure than sorry as the man often told Virgil. Besides the clear slavery that was happening, the boy had everything he needed. Virgil got water, some food, toilet and a place to sleep and it was more than enough. Without having to care about anything not about job nor money, Virgil offered the only thing he had left- his body, which Shon took clear advantage of far too many times. Virgil could only wonder what his boyfriend would do to him now, considering that on his good days Shon would beat Virgil up to the point of bleeding… Virgil frowned worried. He could only hope to never see this man ever again, but his anxious mind could not help but wonder ‘what if’… **_What if I’ll run into him in the city? What if he sees me going to or from school? What if…_** _O, Virgil, you should have thought about it sooner, now its too late to worry about things like this, you know? If he sees you, well, you’re dead, but let’s try and focus on avoiding him then. **But…** Virgil, listen, he lives and works in the city next to this if you believe what Logan says. You’ve never heard Shon mention of this place and it appears it is a rather small and quiet community. If you just… Stay low and hide you should be, theoretically, fine. **I shouldn’t have done this... What were I thinking?** Well, that’s something entirely different. **Fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m screwed. I should have never left. I should…**_ The sound of mugs placed on the table pulled Virgil out of his thoughts, startling him. Logan shot Virgil apologizing look, sitting down next to him.

“Here you go.”

“Thanks, Mr. Sanders,” Virgil muttered under his breath.

“I already told you that you don’t have to address me with any honorifics, Virgil. Logan is just fine with me.” Logan adjusted his tie that had already sat perfectly.

“It’s kinda hard for me when you look like a friggin teacher,” Virgil smirked, forgetting for a moment about being polite to the man that saved his life not so long ago. Logan just smiled.

“You are correct Virgil, I am a teacher. Maybe not yours, well, not yet… but still a teacher.”

“What do you mean?”

“Did you forget already? I thought I already told you I work at the school here with Patton.”  
“No, no, I didn’t… Eh… Look, I was just asking… what did you mean about not being my teacher y-yet? “Virgil muttered, looking away, slightly blushing from the embarrassment.

“Ah. That’s what you were referring to. I believe I am the only available teacher at our school that is qualified enough to be both your Physical Science/Mathematics and English teacher. The test I asked you to fill in today morning showed great results and a promising future for you at our school. I must admit, I am quite surprised you are already familiar with the concept of Geometrical optics and differential calculus. It is rather… unusual for kids at your age. And your English… Is just on a whole other level than what I’ve seen so far.”

“You told me this was not a test, you were checking me!” Virgil indignant, putting hands on his shoulders.

“It was just a formality, Virgil... A standardized test, an entrance exam for transfer students if you would like to call it. “ Logan explained calmly sipping on his tea. “

“That’s not fair. I’d try harder if…” _If what Virgil? It’s not like you actually care about school that much, is it? **No, but…** Is it about Logan? You feel like you're disappointing him, right? **Wh-what… No- I…** You don’t have to_ _care about this Virgil. Its actually impossible for Logan to be more disappointed in you than what he already is._

“You did truly great, Virgil. Might I ask you if you were attending any summer courses or cram schools? You don’t actually go through the dispersion or Snell’s law until the end of 12th grade.”

“I might have started school earlier than the others… My parents were… quite expectant of me...” Virgil just sighed. **_… while they still cared_**.

“Well, I must admit, you could go to a college by now with all the knowledge you possess. But what about the English then? Did you take extra courses or…?”

“Nah, I just used to read a lot of poetry in my spare time. It’s not … like I’d actively do some word researches or s-something…” Virgil huffed, but a slight blush resided on his cheeks, making Logan wonder if the teen was sarcastic or not. Virgil drank from his mug and yawned, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hand. Logan watched Virgil’s head nodding and slightly swaying to the sides, not understanding why Virgil just won’t lay down and rest instead. While it was in Logan’s style to suggest filling the papers first thing in the morning right after the breakfast (that Virgil didn’t even touch…) because of the sake of an efficient day-schedule, it was more of the type of an “the lesser evil” situation than sticking to any kind of planning or schedule. As soon as Logan walked into the kitchen at 4 am he found Virgil sitting on the couch, staring off into the distance. While Logan was sure the teen didn’t notice him walking by, he wondered just how severe was the teen's anxiety and how bad was it affecting the boy sleep schedule. Not wanting to scare, distress or disturb the teen Logan just took a glass of water (which he intended to get in the first place,) and just left quietly. It wouldn’t do Virgil any good if Logan just tried to talk him into sleep as it seemed that insomnia wasn’t anything unusual for the boy. A few hours later when Patton already left off to get to the appointment with the dentist and Roman off to the theatre for a meet-up, Logan walked downstairs only to find the teen still sitting in the same spot, completely motionless. If Virgil's breathing wasn’t so visibly shaky someone might think of the teen as of a statue and not an actual living creature. Frowning, Logan just walked in the kitchen deciding that sometimes it was better to just stay vigilant instead of rashly going heels over head without any kind of plan on making Virgil feel more at ease. Some things were just better left alone, for now, at least. Right after doing some toast with jam for himself and porridge for Virgil, Logan found the teen standing right in his face as he turned around to call for the boy. Virgil just… appeared… behind Logan scaring the shit out of him and asked about wanting to help with cleaning or doing anything productive. After calming down from the early stage of heart attack Logan looked around pained, finding himself wonder just how angry Patton would get if he would get to know that Logan made Virgil clean after the breakfast. The boy wouldn’t even have the chance of asking this kind of question if Patton was at home, Logan knew that this furball of happiness and dad-puns would make Virgil stay in bed the whole day away, even if he had to force him… Which Virgil was apparently slightly aware of, what it seemed like, as he chooses to ask when the embodiment of full-on dad persona was not home. Knowing that the rest was necessary for Virgil's wellbeing, Logan did the only thing he could think of letting the boy do without actually restraining the said teen's body. Getting a hold on the formalities was of no less priority and Logan already suspected that Virgil would be too anxious to helplessly lay in the bed, so he let him fill in all the papers providing some sort of stress relief for the boy’s mind. Keeping Virgil constantly occupied with simple tasks seemed to keep Virgils anxiety at bay, making Logan once again thankful for the power of the internet. 

“Well, since we are already finished with the papers and there is no sign of either Patton or Roman coming back home yet, what would you say about watching a documentary with me or reading some books in the library?” Logan asked, emptying his mug of the tea. Virgil only shrugged his arms.

“What about these papers? Don’t we have to like… I don’t know… Send them away or s-something?”

“That is a valid point, but while I appreciate your concern I have to tell you that you do not have to worry about any of this. As soon as tomorrow noon I will go and meet Joan at their office.”

“Logan, look… It's not that I don’t… a-appreciate any of the things you and P-Patton do for me, but… Do you really think any of this is necessary…?  I mean, it would be easier to just… kick me out a-and let me handle my the thins on m-my own, you know…? I can take care of… of myself just f-fine.” Virgil pouted, looking away. Logan only shook his head.

“I am fully aware that you are not comfortable with me and Patton helping you… But… It is our duty as good citizens to make sure you are well and get all of the help you could use of while your stay with us.’ Logan gesticulated livingly with his hands making Virgils head dizzy.

“I get… I get that you p-pity me, and does this only because you want to be ‘good’ people, but… You don’t have to bother, you k-know? It's not like I'm going to be around long enough for you to… to get anything out of this. I don’t… I don’t have anything. No valuables, no money, nothing. You won’t get anything out of helping me, Logan.”

“I am not after some kind of a profit for saving you, Virgil. We just want to help you, please understand that… We will not ask for anything in return from you for our help.”

“But…”

“Virgil. That is true that you have only been here for a couple of days, but as much as I think this is completely irrational, I believe we have grown attached to you emotionally.”

“I don’t…”

“We like you being here with us, Virgil.”

“Please, stop.”

“Virgil, Patton is already ‘head over heels’ as Roman would say, for you. He is happy with you here and for that I am grateful. Well, I have to admit, I find myself enjoying your present as well.”

“Stop, Logan.”

“Virgil?”

“Just stop, just shut up already.”

“What are you talking about?”

“What I’m talking about? What I’m talking about?! I'm talking about all of this! You don’t know me! You don’t know who I am! I could be a thief or a murderer for all I know! A-and you just keep me here like a… like a p-pet! Like a stray cat or a puppy, you found on a sidewalk and d-decided to keep! This is not normal!”

“Virgil, please calm down… Breathe with me, ok?”  
“But why?! I… I d-don’t understand! Why do… Why d-do you even c-care about me?! I was as g-good as dead back t-there, Logan! Why b-bothering about some filthy c-creep trying to d-die if you w-won’t get anything out of i-it?! Why are you b-being so stupid?!” Virgil’s shouting slowly began to falter and turn into sobs, tears running down teen’s cheeks. It pained Logan heart to see the boy so hurt and scared. He could see Virgil trembling, his slender chest moving rapidly and violently, unable to catch a breath, struggling to once again find a rhythm for his heart to beat in. Looking straight into Virgil's eyes Logan could only see two deep black holes, swallowing all the light that dared to shine through the window in boys face. Nothing seemed to be able to escape the void of his hollow stare. There was no light in Virgils eyes, the stairs that usually would reside and playfully glitter in Virgil's irises were gone, caught by the darkness, by the sorrow. Whenever Virgil entered the state of a panic attack Logan would find himself unable to look away from Virgil's face. Too scared to move, his knowledge on how to help Virgil being almost next to non-existent. It horrified Logan, but not as much as the sight of Virgil struggling to live to just stand there and do nothing. In times of crises, while Logan didn’t know what to do or what to say, when he felt sad or scared or too overwhelmed by everything, Patton was always there to help him. Patton always knew what to do, or most important, how to do, so Logan did the only thing he could think of Patton would have done in a situation like this. He carefully and slowly approached Virgil, making sure the boy could see him the whole time as not to startle him and wrapped his arms around Virgil. Somewhat awkward and stiff, the hug slowly became more comfortable to the both of them as Virgil hugged back, tightening his fists on Logan's shirt.

Ba-dumBa-dumBa-dumBa-dumBa-dumBa-dumBa-dumBa-dumBa-dum.

Clinging tightly to Logan, Virgil hid his face in the crook of Logan's neck, shutting his eyes tight, feeling slow and firstly unsure but steadily growing warm and caring, gently brushes of Logans hand moving up and down his back in small circles. Making sure that Virgil could feel the rhythm of Logan's breaths, Logan inhaled the air in for four seconds, held it for seven and exhaled out for eight. Breathing the exact same pattern for the next twelve minutes, Logan tried to walk Virgil through the exercise, hoping that his own chest moving up and down in 4-7-8 movement would be enough to steady and calm him down at least a little. 

Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum.

Recalling the events from yesterday and the things that helped calm Virgil down, Logan began to slowly rock the both of them back and forth, humming quietly the Healing Incantation from Tangled, grateful for Roman once again for his undying love for Disney.

Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum… Ba-dum… Ba-dum… Ba-dum…

„We like you, Virgil. We really do. It may seem irrational and illogical, but we really do and we are happy you showed up in our lives. Everything is going to be okay, everything is going to be fine, we’ve got you, Virgil. We won’t let you fall.

Ba-dum… Ba-dum… Ba-dum… Ba-dum… Ba-dum… Ba-dum… Ba-dum…

After another ten minutes or so a loud squeal was heard from the entrance and a big mass of cooing and giggling jumped at the two men cuddling in the kitchen, knocking them to the ground and startling the two but making them laugh nonetheless.

“How could you leave your good ol’ Dad out of a hug-party?!” Patton cried, embracing both men in the warmest and cuddliest of hugs he ever gave, lying in the pile of tangled legs and arms on the floor. Squeezing and laughing, just lying there on the ground and holding each other in their arms. Soon Patton started to wriggle and tickle both Logan and Virgil, earning loud shouts and yelps. Virgil laughed so hard it began to hurt as his lungs began to clatter against the ribcage.

“Pl-Please… Please stop, Pat! I-I-I c-can’t b-breathe!” Virgil laughed through the tears and hiccupping. The dad-persona planted a kiss on teens cheek and one on Logan’s lips before he pulled away and got to his feet.

“Why aren’t you in bed, Virgil?” Patton asked in-between laughs.

“He was helping me with the papers, Pat,” Logan explained. Patton frowned a little, and Logan was just so sure of what his husband was currently thinking. It would be something in between the lines of “Virgil could do all of that just fine from the bed” and “You could have done that some other day.” Patton only sighed, but smiled, admitting his defeat as Logan shot him an apologetic smile. Virgil took the chance and hugged Pat quickly from behind, suddenly missing the warmth of his arms, blushing embarrassed.

“So, whatcha want for dinner, kiddo?” Patton beamed with happiness, smiling widely as Virgil squeezed him a little tighter. After a couple of minutes, Patton stood up and helped Virgil to get on his own feet. Logan followed soon after, mumbling something about needing to grab something from another room, running off to the direction of the hallway as soon as he regained some balance. Patton only giggled once again and wiped off the tears from Virgil’s face with a napkin. The teen blushed slightly not liking how vulnerable and pathetic he must have looked like at this moment, looking everywhere but at Patton.

“Y-you… You have an awe-awesome husband, Pat.” Virgil just whispered, but Patton still managed to catch that.

“I know. He is… Logan’s amazing. And I love him so, so much you wouldn’t be-leaf me.” Patton giggled, throwing a handful of laurel leaf in Virgil’s direction from the cabinet next to the refrigerator. Virgil only smirked, picking up the spice.

“What about some spaghetti?” Virgil asked, naming the only dish that came to his mind, remembering often watching Granny making the heavenly tomato sauce with wine and parmesan cheese.

“That sounds like a good idea! Let me to-mato the sauce really quick.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! Could you help me? You could tell me which spices you like, kiddo! We wouldn’t want you to get all saucy with me if you wouldn’t like the ingredients.” Patton laughed, making Virgil roll his eyes.

“Sure, Pat.” Virgil shrugged his arms and walked over to the sink to wash his hands.

“What were the two of you talking about before? You seemed quite… sad there for a little bit.” Patton asked little shyly, not knowing where the boundaries for Virgil’s personal space would be.

“It was… It was n-nothing. We just… talked a-about… school and stuff.”

“School, you say?”

“Yeah, I made this… this entrance exam… or whatever. Lo thinks he’s gonna be my teacher, or… yeah.”

“Lo?” Patton chuckles, making Virgil blush and look away guilty.

“I mean Mr. Sanders.” Virgil reminded himself who he was talking to. It wasn’t Logan, but Patton and Virgil didn’t know quite yet if he could talk more freely with his ‘savior’ or not. Patton only put his hand on Virgil’s back and spun him around to face himself.

“Hey, Virgil, kiddo. I didn’t mean anything bad about it, it just surprised me, that’s all. Its only Roman and I who calls him that. And maybe Thomas. And Remy...”

“I'm sorry…”

“…What I mean by that is that it sounds really nice when you say it, Virgil.” Patton smiled, cupping Virgil’s face in his hands and placing a kiss on his forehead. Virgil could feel his face burning but he didn’t try to break free. Just standing in one place, feeling both too ashamed and too good to move away, the voice in his head remaining silent. After what seemed like ages but in reality was only mere seconds, Patton turned back to the refrigerator to get the ground beef. Placing the whole kilogram of meat next to the frying pan, Patton crouched down to get some diced tomatoes from the bottom drawer. Mincing some herbs with onions and garlic, he set the stove on.

“So, how would you like to eat the spaghetti?”

“However. Just do what… You usually do, I guess.”

“Okay then, could you watch the meat while I go talk with Logan for a second?”

“Sure,” Virgil said as Patton placed the meat on the hot pan causing the oil to hiss loudly. Virgil grabbed a wooden spoon and began to stir the meat slowly, blending the mix of herbs and spices together. After a while, Patton came back with a pack of pasta he opened and put in the pot with water, salt, and some olive. Placing the pot on the stove, Patton put his hand on Virgil, looking over his shoulder. He then moved to slicing some tomatoes he just got from the refrigerator and added the tiny cubics into the pan. Moving to the side, Virgil let Patton taste the sauce. Pat then seasoned everything with salt and pepper. While Virgil was watching over both of the boiling content of both pots, Patton already began to set the table. Soon after the both of them were finished and Pat strained the pasta, Virgil grabbed the pre-grated parmesan Patton told him was lying in the fridge. As soon as everything was set and on place, the sound of unlocking doors sounded in the hallway.

“I've returned, my dear family. The prince has come back, fear not.” Roman shouted playfully, taking off the shoes in the hallway and hanging his jacket on the coat hanger as he walked further into the house. 

“Welcome home, Ro.”

“Yeah, sup Princey.”

“Oh, You're so sweet, kiddo!” Pat cooed, making Virgil blush and turn his head away.

“Stop it already!” Virgil hissed quietly.

“What is this heavenly smell? I thought you weren’t home, Dad.” Roman asked, coming to the kitchen. Virgil looked over at him, noticing how different the teen looked like from the last time he saw him. Roman had done something different to his face, but Virgil couldn’t tell what. Roman tilted his head, glancing back at Virgil.

“What is it, Robert Downer Junior?”

“Ha, ha. There's something with your face, but I don’t know what and it makes me…”

“Oh, my?! Did you notice? I've put on a little extra makeup this morning.”

“… and it makes me cringe.” Virgil finished, earning a giggle from Patton and a frown from Roman.

“Ha, and here I thought someone would appreciate my attempt to make your day better with how beautiful I am.” Roman bit off, sassiness coming through his kind of bitchy movements with hand, snapping back and forth.

“You can dream,” Virgil smirked, taking a sip of water. In the meantime, Logan came back, talking on the phone with someone. Pat kissed him on the cheek and walked him to the dining table, sitting himself down next to him. Roman sat on the opposite of them and patted the chair next to him.

“Come sit with me, Supreme Dark Overlord of Negative Commerce.”

“Wow, just how can you make it even more angsty than this, Sing-a-lot.”

“Everything for my damsel in quite big distress.”

“Oh, just shut it already.”  
“Now kiddos, don’t fight while eating.” Patton reprimanded them, placing some pasta at Logan's plate. Doing the same for himself, he then added some sauce and grated cheese. Virgil watched as Roman did the same when the teen suddenly stopped and looked over at Virgil. He then smiled and without saying anything put food on Virgil's plate.

“What are you…? I can do it myself.”

“Sure, and my name is Joseph.”

“If you say so.” Virgil just shrugged his arms, making Roman pout.

“Wh.. Wha… Pfft… No! I don’t! I didn’t..!”

“So…” Logan began suddenly, stopping the bickering of Virgil and Roman. “… I talked with Joan and they said we could come over tomorrow to their office by noon, Virgil.”

“Oh, that reminds me, Roman, Virgil is going to go to school with you!” Patton beamed, pointing over to Virgil. Your Pa is going to teach him!”

“Oh, that’s just marvelous.”

“Right?! You can be school buddies!”

“Uh, Oh, sure, Pat.” Virgil blinked, his mouth going suddenly dry. Roman looked over at him, narrowing his eyes.

“Wait, aren’t you too young for my Pa to teach you?” He asked, making Logan laugh.

“He is on a different level of schooling than you, Roman. Age has little to do with how smart one is, please remember.”

“Huh, are you implying I'm dumb?” Roman gasped, slapping his right hand over his heart. Virgil just smirked.

“No, Princey, he is simply pointing it out.” The teen shot Virgil hateful glance, narrowing his eyes.

“How rude of you! I'm offended.”

“Hello, there ‘Offended’, I'm Dad, and now eat the two of you!” Pat laughed, stuffing his mouth with sauce. Roman only growled, continuing to pout as he ate. The rest of the meal was going rather smoothly, Roman and Virgil bickering back and forth, Logan and Patton talking about some of the stuff they have to prepare for their upcoming classes, everyone mostly joking and laughing at each other's comments. Everything was just radiated with warmth, and happiness, spreading the aura of a real family time. It made Virgil's heart flutter a little faster as he thought just how good it felt, the way everyone was getting along with each other. It was long… too long ago since he felt so at ease with people (men!) around him, not fearing for his life for the time being. It was different than the constant worry and uneasiness that resided on Virgil's face. It was something else, something different. It was… Happiness, a feeling so strange yet so familiar, something that he lost long ago and that only begun to claim its original place back in his heart. It was everything he wanted for so long but refused to feel since the death of Anabelle, scared what the for years suppressed feelings might do to him once they came out again on the surface. Virgil feared it the whole time, plunging in sorrow and darkness, awaiting nothing but pain and disappointment, but slowly… He found himself wanting the warm feelings back and it made him… so angry at himself… for being so selfish for wanting for the horrible and disgusting feeling of love come back to him. No. Virgil wouldn’t. He didn’t want to feel vulnerable and helpless once again. He refused to fall once again. His heart already shattered once and now only the broken pieces of what once was his heart were remaining at the pit of his chest, reminding him how his life have once been. Virgil didn’t want the feelings to come back, simply because he didn’t want to lose anyone ever again. Better safe than sorry, better to be barren than heartbroken, better to be alone than left behind.  

But maybe…

Maybe it didn’t have to be so…?

Or maybe he was just going crazy.

Maybe both.

In the end, one does not exclude the other...

Right?


	13. 'And then he’d wish he was already dead'

”How about you take this jacket, kiddo? The very sight of you so thin clothed makes me shiver from cold!” Patton asked, handing Virgil a dark grey leather jacket with fluffy stuffing inside. Virgil looked at it skeptically, burrowing further into his plain, black hoodie.

“I’m perfectly fine to go like this, Pat!” Virgil hissed, bending down to get his shoes on.

“No, you're not. You’ve been sick for the couple of past days now and I'm not letting you go out like this. Either you take that jacket right now my strange-dark-son or I'll ask Roman to put you in this one.”

“Whai-… What?”

“You heard me.”

“You wouldn’t dare, Pat.”

“Try me, V.” Patton stared him down with a stern look, arms crossed and chest puffed out.  Virgil narrowed his eyes, looking at a sign of weakness in this man, but he couldn’t find any. Virgil frowned. How could this fluffy ball of sunshine look so intimidating with his little chubby cheeks and freckles all over his face?

“Fine.” Virgil almost spat out as he grabbed the piece of clothing Pat reached out to him. The older men then zipped it up for Virgil as fast as he got the jacket on, wrapping him in a big woolen scarf and putting a dark purple beanie on his head. Standing there proudly, Patton took Virgil's hands in his and gently pushed a pair of black gloves on, bringing his hand up to his mouth and planting a kiss on Virgil's knuckles. Virgil growled, blushing.

“You see? It's not so bad, kiddo!” Patton chirped happily, hugging the boy standing in front of him. Virgil just rolled his eyes and sighed, the warm feelings slowly unlashing deep inside him made him want to hide and die a slow and painful death.

“Now, with Virgil clothed more appropriate to the weather, I believe we are ready to go. Patton?” Logan stated calmly, extending his arm to Patton, which the said man gladly took.

“Come, my dark-strange-son, we wouldn’t want to be late for our appointment with Joan!”

“Patton, once again, I'm not your child and you know it.” Virgil hissed but followed nonetheless.

“Of course you are, Virgil, my strang…”

“Patton, I'm not your son.”

“Yes, you are!”

“’m not.”

“Virgil Kieran Morgan Sanders.” _The hell? How…?_

“What...?! That’s ridi… How..? How did you know?” Virgil suddenly stopped, pulling on Patton's arm, spinning him around to face him. Patton just stared at him blankly and after a couple of seconds he gasped clapping himself on the cheeks and squealing loudly as realization struck him.

“I've seen it on the tag in your hoodie and I thought it fitted you just right! I guessed, but I did guess right, right?! Lo, I guessed! I guessed right! Virgil's middle name is K…!”

“Stop it, Pat! I hate that name! Don’t you ever say it again!”

“But it is so sweet! And it suits you just right! Oh, gosh, I love you so much!” Patton beamed and sprinted towards Virgil to hug him, but the teen just shook his head, turned on his heel and began to run in the other direction from which Patton was coming from. While the two played some sort of a game of Chase, Logan entered the car and started the engine. It took good five minutes for Patton to catch Virgil and while he wondered how was it even possible for this so little and so broken kid to run around like this, he squeezed the heck out of him in an act of love. It was strange, how the two of them, both Patton and Logan, got already so attached to the stranger in their house. As Virgil said just a day ago, Virgil could have been a thief or even a murderer, yet neither Logan or Patton, possibly not even Roman, wanted the teen gone. With only the three of them usually at home, Roman went in his room to practice for a casting, Patton off in the kitchen cooking or baking and Logan himself working with a variety of school assignments, the home felt often empty and cold. With an extra person there, with Virgil specifically, all of them spent more time together. Roman while he wasn’t bickering with Virgil, which happened for the most of the time, was trying to engage others in watching even more Disney films or play some boardgames together; Patton would often receive now help from either Virgil or Roman and have more time to kid around and for himself, which often meant hugging the first person he spotted after completing a random task; Logan as much as he didn’t want to admit, found himself chit-chatting quite much with Virgil and enjoying the time they spent together, talking about everything through school-related topics to ecology, religion, politics, but mostly about the books they both enjoyed reading. Virgil became too soon a part of the Sanders family and Logan feared what the outcome of today's chat with Joan would bring. He suspected Virgil would have to go away rather sooner than later, and the exact moment Joan mentioned it, Logan had to hold Patton down in order to stop his husband from doing something stupid.

“All I'm saying, Pat, is that Virgil cannot stay with you.”

“But why?!” Patton cried, not bothering to stop the tears from spilling all over his cheeks. Virgil looked away, pained by Patton's sudden outburst of affection towards him. It wasn’t unwelcomed, but the fact that Patt was so attached to him wasn’t making Virgil any more comfortable than he would wish it made him. Virgil felt vulnerable, being cared for was indeed unfamiliar and strange feeling for him, it was quite rare for anybody to pay attention to this broken case of mental illness yet to care for him to the point of calling him ‘son’ and wanting to live with him. Virgil frowned and looked at Joan, as soon as they felt Virgils stare they looked back, nodding knowingly.

“Patton, could I talk with Virgil in private?” Joan asked, smiling softly at the pair. Patton sniffled, sneezing in a handkerchief Logan gave him, but both stood up and walked out of the room. Virgil watched their movements closely, paying attention to how exhausted they looked like after this emotional drainage. With the quiet click the door made, Joan let a sigh escape their mouth.

“Give me 10 minutes and I swear, they’ll never hear of me again. Open the window for me and give me a head start. You can say to them I knocked you out, or-or something, I don’t know.” Virgil suddenly rambled out, standing up.

“Virgil, wait-” Joan said as they grabbed Virgil by his sleeve. “you can’t just run away. Logan told me about your, erm… situation… and it wouldn’t be wise for you to just disappear like this, especially if your… boyfriend?... Is somewhere out there.”

“Joan, listen, it's… I don’t want them anywhere near Shon, or… or me. They’ve done enough, they helped me a lot already and I cannot have them hurt only because they wanted to help me even more. I just… I cant to that to them, they're too good of people to deal with any of this.”  
“Why do you think they would come to any harm, Virgil? Do you really think your boyfriend-“

“Shon’s not… Is not my boyfriend… And yes, as much as I know him, he could… No. He will hurt them.” Virgil recalled the only time another person wanted to help him while still being at Shon's place and how bad everything ended. Virgil could still remember the horrified look on the guys face as Shon broke his nose for just looking at Virgil with a soft gaze and a smile.

“What do you mean? Virgil, could you tell me your side of the story? I've heard it from Logan already, but I've got a feeling you weren’t truly… Honest with him.” Joan asked, making Virgil look away, disappointed with himself not for being called out on a lie, but for lying to the Sanders in the first place.

“Its… It's not something I like… t-telling around.” _Virgil. Don’t._

“Please tell me and I'll consider letting you go.” _Virgil, don’t listen to them. They are lying, you're smarter than this. **I know they lie to me, but…**_

“Virgil, please. It's for your own good. I won't tell anybody. Anything you say to me will stay within these walls, between you and me.” Joan smiled lightly, taking Virgil hands in their own, gently petting Virgil's hand with their thumb. _It’s a bad idea, really bad. **I know, I know, but… What if…?** Since when are you so optimistic? **I'm not. Not really, but it's my only chance, you know?** Virgil… Fine. But don’t go into the details, just… repeat after me. Long story…”_

“Long story short is that after my parents k-kicked me out, I… I've been on the streets for quite some time, then a nice old lady t-took c-care of me but as she fell sick I h-had to… I had… I… Nobody w-wanted me at work… Nobody could pay me enough so I could pay for her h-hospital bills so… I had to… I had… I was a wh-whore, Joan. Hell, I still am, or I was until I ran away from Shon. After Granny passed away I've had nowhere to go and he… And Shon took me in, but… He offered me a place to stay and everything for my… for my body, so I… He kept me as his fuckboy, but I've had e-enough of him, a-and… Yeah, here I am. Patton just found me and… yeah… Shon is really possessive of me, he k-kept me locked away for almost the entire t-time I was at his place… If he found out I've been… I've been staying with another m-men… Joan, he would kill t-them first and then me. I can't let him near Sanders. They don’t d-deserve… They don’t deserve any of this! I can m-manage on my own, I swear I can! Just let me go, Joan, please… Please,”

 **_You didn’t have to tell them about, ‘that’, you know…?_ ** _If you so wanted to tell them anything, you might as well everything. And besides, I think I've got a plan. **You think? But what if he says ‘no’ now? What if he sends me to the police? What if he calls my parents? What if…** Well, here you go, the ever so useless pessimist is back here with us. **What if they’ll hate me? What if…** Virgil, shut up, for fuck's sake. _

“P-please, just let me g-go…” Virgil whispered, sobbing from time to time as he stuttered the words out of him. He began to tremble the longer Joan held onto him, his heart beating fast, embarrassed and disgusted with his past. It really wasn’t something he wanted to tell anyone, but he guessed he had to do it if he wanted to be able to escape this hellhole.

“Who else knows about… Your situation, Virgil?”

“Besides you? No one. S-shon doesn’t know anything a-about… About my p-past. Joan, please! You like them, hell, I can see you love them, so… Let me do the right thing, for once in my life I want to… I have to protect them. Shon is not to be messed with, but as l-long, as he doesn’t find me… Please, Joan.” Virgil almost begged, feeling the cold running down his spine. He couldn’t fuck this up now, not if it meant hurting the Sanders.

“You're aware that this is going to break their hearts, Virgil? Patton is going to be devastated. He already thinks of you as his son, as a part of his family.” Joan called, pointing out the only downside to Virgil's request, hitting a sore spot making Virgil frown as his heart ached.

“I…” he began, clenching his fist on his knees.

“If I would let you go… How fast would it take for you to get away?” Virgil's head suddenly perked up, eyes wide, not believing his ears. _Did we…? Did you manage to convince him? Well, that was unexpected. I thought we would have to talk him more into it… Maybe even take the ‘Annabelle’ card out. **You wouldn’t.** Are you sure? _

“Give me just five minutes.”

“I see. While it concerns me that you're so sure about that… Well, Shon is indeed a problem…and you cannot stay with the Sanders-“

“Thank you.” _Yes!_

“-But I'm not going to let you run away either. I have a friend that works at a local shelter, they could let you stay at their place. It’s a safe zone, only authorized ones may visit. If anyone suspicious would come, they would call the authorities immediately, places of this sorts are familiar with various situations like these. Whether it’s a parent that is unhappy with the court's decision or a way too persistent, too intrusive partner. You’ll be safe there.”

_Wait, what? **Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.** Fuck, indeed. This just couldn’t end well. **Shit.** _

“No, I-I can't. I have to… I should just go. Please.”  
“You may choose for yourself, you either go stay at the shelter or tell them the truth…The whole truth, without any exception.”

“You cant… Please… You promised!”

“Virgil, I promised I would consider it. I did, and I can't let you go.”

“Please.”

“Virgil.”

“Just please, Joan, Shon is going to k-kill me if he… If he f-finds out!”

“That’s your last chance, Virgil. The truth or the shelter? Your decision.” _Oh, my… We’re going straight downhill. **I cant tell them!-** No, you cant_ _tell them._ _Shelter, Virgil. Say shelter._

“Shelter, okay? I choose shelter.” Virgil almost cried out, settling himself back in the seat, looking defeated.

“Good call. Logan, Patton, please come inside.” Joan walked over to the door and opened them for the two of them. Patton instantly jumped to Virgil's side and hugged him tightly.

“I'm not giving away my son, Joan!” Patton sobbed, protectively turning Virgil away from Joan, petting Virgil on his head and back. Joan laughed, wiping tears from the corner of their eyes with a napkin. Logan just looked done with everything and everyone but looked over at Joan concerned.

“Virgil is not going anywhere. He’ll stay at Talyn’s. Not right away, of course, I have to talk to them first and they’ll have to prepare a room for Virgil, but… That’s the only way I can help you, without involving any third parties. I'm not even so sure police would help you anyway.”

“Oh, thank goodness!” Pat sighed relieved, dragging Virgil to the couch and placing the younger on his lap while continuing petting him. Virgil just followed mindlessly, still trying to recover from the shock Patton caused him by startling the younger one with the sudden affection. Logan smiled and turned towards Joan.

“Thank you so much for your help, Joan, we really appreciate the time you put into this. We are grateful for your guidance.”

“Oh, come on, Lo. There's nothing I wouldn’t do for the two of you, you know it.”

“Yes, I am aware, but… Thank you.”

“Shut it, you're such a sap sometimes.” Joan laughed, looking at the unusual trio. They were so different but so much alike at the same time it made Joan shiver.

“Lo, what about school then?” Patton asked, holding the struggling to break free Virgil on his arms. It really looked funny, as the much bigger man with wriggling Virgil on his lap looked more like a kitten fighting with a slightly crazy cat lady.

“Wait, Lo, I've talked with your boss, she actually owes me for this one time I've found her drunk at her niece's party, you remember Jessica, right?”

“Yes, I do recall her."

“Well, Veronica just happened to drink a little too much and needed a lift home, so since then, we’ve been rather close to each other. We usually meet every other weekend and talk over a cup of coffee, and it just happened that I mentioned about Virgil wanting to ‘transfer’ over to her school. That was the day before I told you you should run the entrance exam with the kid.”

“Joan, you're amazing! I love you so much!” Patton squealed, thankful.

“It's nothing. I don’t know yet which class Virgil is going to end up in, but the formalities are already taken care of. The same goes for your ID, Virgil. I've contacted your, erm, parents and I've offered them a deal they just couldn't pass on.”

“What do you mean, you contacted my parents?” Virgil asked, startled by the thought of anyone talking to these people.

“Well, Logan provided me with your mother's number and I called them. They weren’t… happy… about hearing from us, which Logan didn’t forget to mention to me beforehand, and I can see how you’d wish I haven’t done that. Don’t worry thou, I promised them I wouldn’t go to the police with this knowledge of them abandoning you if they would provide us with your birth certificate and other boring but clearly necessary paperwork.”

“And…?”

“And they agreed. They're still your Legal Guardians, but the moment you turn eighteen you're a free man, Virgil.”

“Do they know where I am…?”

“No, they don’t,”

“I’d say they didn’t even ask, did they?”

“No, they did not.”

“Good. That’s… That’s for the better.”

“It depends on what you think is good, but… Could I ask you why they left you in the first place, Virgil?” Joan asked, making Virgil shift in Patton's lap uncomfortable. The dad persona noticed and began softly pat the other soothingly on his back. Virgil just looked away.

“Just some… family stuff.”

“Well, while we would certainly appreciate if you told us, you don’t have to. I'm sure this whole situation has been really stressful for you and it's going to take time to adjust to everything that’s new, but remember that we're here for you. Or at least those three pricks are.” Joan laughed, pointing at the Sanders and wiggling their brows knowingly.  Logan sighed and Patton laughed.

“That’s right, kiddo, we’ve got you!” He beamed with love, hugging Virgil so tight the younger one had to wiggle out to catch a breath. **_Stop it._** It hurt. It hurt so much. The fact that a complete stranger could care for him so much while his family, the ones that were supposed to support him and love no matter what abandoned him, was breaking Virgil's heart.

“Virgil. We know it is hard for you to understand that right now, but we care for you.” **_Shut it._** “Well, it is rather obvious that Patton straight out adores you, no one is that oblivious they could not see that, and Roman certainly will like you the more he will learn about you.” **_Please._** “And I… I am not a person that show affection that much, but I find myself pleased with your presence.” **_Shut up._** Virgil's heart ached, long and stone cold fingers crushing it more and more with every single word of affection towards him. Everything felt like a dream. A dream he would soon wake up from… Virgil would just wake up and find himself passed out on the dirty tiles of the floor of his and Shons shared bathroom after the one beat him unconscious. Everything would be back like it used to be, back to this nightmare of a life, where Virgil constantly had to stride in order to stay alive every single day. Every day being beaten, raped and humiliated. Every. Single. Day. Virgil would soon wake up from this beautiful dream, and... And…

And then he’d wish…

 ** _“Shut up, shut up, shut up…”_** Virgil murmured under his breath, fighting off the tears that rose in his eyes.

“We love you kiddo! You're a part of our fam-“

“ ** _SHUT UP!_** ” Virgil cried. “ ** _WHY ARE YOU SO DIFFERENT?! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO CARE SO MUCH ABOUT ME?!_** ” Virgil shouted, his heart breaking, shattering into million pieces in his chest. Virgil couldn’t understand. How was it possible for anyone to ‘love’ this broken mess? How could anyone stand to be in the same room with this **filthy, disgusting, horrible** wreck of a person? How could they care about a **whore** , about a **murderer**? Couldn’t they see how broken he was? Why didn’t thEY SEE?! HOW COULD ANYONE BE SO BLIND?!

“Kiddo?” Patton whispered, alarmed. Virgil jumped off of Patton collapsing to the ground. His heart pounded in his chest, pumping the blood in his veins at a much higher rate than it would be considered healthy, painfully throbbing against his ribs. One breath. Two breaths. Three breaths. One shallow breath after another that didn’t supply Virgil's lungs with enough air, making him suffocate. Kneeling down on the floor, hands gripping and pulling on his hair until he began to bleed, Virgil cried in pain.

“ ** _WHY CANT YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE ALREADY?! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO CARE?! YOU'RE LYING! YOU'RE ALL JUST LYING! YOU'RE NOT REAL! PLEASE… I DON’T WANT TO WAKE UP! I DON’T WANT TO WAKE UP FROM THIS! I DON’T WANT TO WAKE UP ANYMORE! PLEASE! PLEASE, PLEase, please, please… Please…_** ** _Please…_** ** _Please…_** ** _Please…_** ** _Please…_** _”_

And then he’d wish… He was already dead.


	14. 'Virgil woke up'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, my... I'm so sorry for being such a jerk in the last chapter... I didn't mean to make it this angsty... Well, I hope You find this chapter somewhat more... wait, what am I even saying? Please enjoy Your stay here while You can, the angst is yet to come :)

Logan didn't even think about what would be the most efficient or appropriate way to calm Virgil down, the second the teen fall down on his knees Logan rushed to his side. Kneeling down beside him, Logan took Virgil's hands in his own, trying to stop the boy from pulling his hair out and hurting himself even more. While Virgil fought for breath, even a most shallow one, the tears that welled up in his eyes began to slowly run down his cheeks, blurring Virgil’s vision. It hurt. It hurt so much Virgil was sure he was dying. His heart being pierced with the kind and loving words as if they were sharp knives, ripping through the flesh and muscles, leaving nothing but a bloody mess behind just like the one time Virgil got shot. Virgil could almost feel all of the blood fill up his lungs, the sweet taste of pungent blood drowning him with every breath he managed to steal as the punctured, almost shattered lung pumped in and out the air. The harder he tried, the less air he would get. _Virgil. Virgil, you have to calm down. Its not the time for a mental breakdown._ Virgil only shook his head, chest swelling with uneasiness and anxiety as his vision started to fade.

“…il! Virgil! Virgil, please, breathe with me!” Logan almost shouted after hearing no response from the teen for quite some time now, holding the shaking teen in his arms, Patton by his side steadying Virgil with his shoulder.

BA-DUM.BA-DUM.BA-DUM.BA-DUM.BA-DUM.BA-DUM.BA-DUM.BA-DUM

Virgil knew he had to calm down, but his own fear of finding out everything was just a dream hurt more than the vision of his own imminent death. Something deep inside him knew better, tried to tell Virgil otherwise, that he already escaped free from the clutches of his tormenting ‘boyfriend’, but it was a quiet, almost inaudible sound in the storm of his negative thoughts that successfully muffled anything but the scream in his head begging for mercy. **_Please, don’t let me wake up, don’t let me wake up, please, please, please…_** _Virgil, you're already awake, snap yourself out of it, you idiot!_

As his own thoughts grew louder and louder, his own heartbeat followed through, matching this deadly rhythm in what could seem like the last dance before the curtains would fall and end everything. Feeling nothing but the numbness and freezing cold of his own limbs, Virgil shot his eyes wide open but could see nothing but darkness surrounding him. Soon everything would go quiet, still, almost frozen in time despite the urging voices of Patton, Logan and Joan trying to bring Virgil back, to ground him, to snap him out of the spiral of negative and destructing thoughts. **_I don’t want to go back, I don’t want to be back there, please don’t let me wake up, please, please, please._** Virgil's head snapped to the side as a sudden try at soothing Virgil with a few gentle strokes to his side scared him causing the teen so much distress it almost felt like a heart attack. The sudden physical contact even if was meant to do only good drove Virgil into shock, the moment Virgil's eyes rolled back showing off the white of his eyes Joan had enough and took out their phone, calling 911 immediately. Patton cried terrified and Logan could only catch Virgil as the teen's body went suddenly limp, coming to a close call with the floor if not for Logan's quick reflex. Virgil passed out. He stopped shaking. Stopped breathing. Logan leaned over Virgil's chest as the lack of any form of a motion from the kid for the past couple of seconds sent cold shivers down Logan's spine. One beat. Two beats. Three beats. Silence. Dreadful, ominous silence echoed in Logan's ears as he put his ear to boys chest, listening. Virgil's heart momentarily stopped beating, almost as if it were uncertain if it should keep going or just stop and get the well-deserved rest, making Logan's eyes open wide, terrified. One second. Two seconds. Three seconds.

“No, no, no, no, no,” Logan whispered repeatedly, as Virgil's hand slipped out of his own and lifeless fell onto the floor with a loud thump, the currently only sound in the room audible as everyone was too scared and petrified to say anything.

“Logan, move.” Patton cried, shoving his frozen in place husband to the side, understanding the severity of the situation immediately. It wasn’t the first time Patton saw somebody end up unconscious like this, on the verge of dying, his own grandfather died because of a heart attack, so he knew he didn’t have time to mess around. Not wasting time Patton began to perform CPR on Virgil, pressing in the middle of Virgil's ribcage, the sternum , with his shaking hands in a steady rhythm, 30- 2 rescue breaths-30. One minute. Two minutes. Thr… The heartbeat was back there again. The damage was probably already done and everyone feared the worst, but as Virgil suddenly gasped for air, coughing badly as fresh air filled his empty lungs, a wave of relief was sent through the room. The ambulance arrived a minute later.

 

~

 

”Its all my fault, Lo. I shouldn’t have said anything. We should have gone with him to the hospital sooner, the moment the storm stopped to have them check up on him. What if he never wakes up? What if he stays in a coma? What if he dies? What if…” Patton sobbed, clinging to his husband's chest and crying his soul out. The heavy sobs were sending Patton's body into minor spasm as the uneven breath hitched in his throat. Logan just sat there with Patton’s head under his chin, patting his husbands back soothingly.

“Everything is going to be okay. You did nothing wrong, you saved Virgil, my love. “ Logan whispered silent words of encouragement into Patton's ear, his forehead leaning against the side of Patton's head. The day did not go as planned and Logan couldn’t help but worry for the both of men.

“-But what if…!?”

“You saved him. You did everything you could, I am proud of you.” Logan smiled against the templates of Patton's head, holding the man in a sideways hug.

“I feel bad now, Lo. I think I made him feel bad back there…”

“While it may appear so that Virgil felt uneasy about, eh, our attempts at showing him affection, we cannot take it as given it was that what triggered the panic attack. It could be anything, but yes, our ‘pushiness’ was probably contributing to Virgils growing distressed at the moment.”

“See, I told you it was my-“

“’our pushiness’, Patton. If anything, we both should be the ones responsible, but that would be highly illogical, my dearest. We had good intentions and soothing Virgil in that manner is clearly not the way to go. When Virgil wakes up-“

“If he wakes up…”

“No, Patton, when he wakes up, we should hold a conversation with him about what had happened. If a cardiac failure such as this is a common occurrence with Virgils panic attacks, we should contact some specialists in order to get Virgil the help he needs. It is not safe for his heart to stop beating the second he starts to panic, Patton.”

“Lo, I'm so scared for him…”

“I know, love, and first of all, I can be wrong. I hope I am wrong. This accident could be a ‘one-time thing’, merely an unfortunate event. We do not know why any of this happened, therefore we have to wait patiently. We cannot rush through ‘things’ right now.”

“…You're right-“

“Are you Mr. and Mr. Sanders?” A woman clothed in a white coat stood in front of Patton and Logan, patient chart (?) in her hands and a stethoscope around her neck. She smiled reassuringly, bringing both Patton and Logan to tears. Both of them nodded.

“Mr. Morgan is currently stable and awake. It appears that it was a minor heart attack that we believe was a completely random and an insignificant 'slips up'. We’ve run a couple of tests and everything seems normal, there's no risk of it happening again, but we have to keep Mr. Morgan here with us for a couple of more days just to be sure.” The woman told, making both men sigh in relief.

“Can we go see him?” Patton asked, standing tall suddenly. The woman nodded only, leading Sanders to a room at the end of the hallway. Logan opened the doors, letting Patton walk in first. The sight of a seemingly awake Virgil lying on a hospital bed made Logan's stomach do flips and tie in knots, but the moment the teen smiles at them shyly melted his heart and eased the raising anxiety. Patton sobbed, tears flowing freely, almost running to the bed to hug the visibly exhausted teen.

“Mr. Morgan has gotten some strong sedatives, so he can be a bit lethargic right now, but there's nothing to worry about. I'm going to send a nurse back here in a couple of minutes to check on you. Gentlemen.” The woman nodded and headed out of the room, leaving the three men for themselves. Patton immediately reached out to hug Virgil, but he stopped only one meter away from the kid, remindingd himself of needing to be warier around Virgil with excessive physical contact. Virgil looked down at his hands and, which Logan would never believe if he didn’t see it himself, blushed and nudged at Patton's sleeve, pulling him in into a hug. The older men happily obliged and gently scooped the teen in a hug, resting his head on the top of Virgils.

“You scared the heck out of us, kiddo!” Patton cried, wiping the tears in the corner of his eyes with his sleeve. Virgil only hunched in himself, embarrassed.

“I'm sorry. I just…”

“Don’t be, sweetheart. The most important thing is that it's all over and you're okay kiddo.”

“Virgil… Do you remember what happened…? Could you explain what was-“

“Logan!” Patton cried, slightly offended by his husband's bluntness.

“No, it's okay, Patt. It's just… Uhm… I've recalled some pretty bad memories of mine, and… Yeah. That happened.” Virgil whispered, his throat still sore after all the shouting from earlier.

“Did we say something wrong, or…?”

“No, no, it's not you! It's just me… and- and… Yeah. It's just me.” Virgil looked away, facing now the window on the opposite side of the room. “Is just… Its stupid, I know, but… I've got really anxious when you said so many nice things about me, and… yeah. Shit happens.”

“What do you mean, kiddo?”

“It's just that… I don’t get it. I don’t get you. Why are you doing this? Why are you helping me? Shouldn’t you try to get rid of me, or something?” When Virgil finally spoke, he made Patton gasp almost offended. “I mean, I'm useless, I'm bad, I'm just wasting your time and yet… And yet you just play all nice and happy around me and pretends to like me… But I don’t have anything. I cant ay you back, Id love to, but I just can't.”

“Virgil, I think we already established that You are not going to have to pay us anything back.”

“That’s right, kiddo! We would never do this!”

“Then why are you doing all of this? Are you happy you can help some random mess if it were some sort of a personal charity mission?”

“No, Virgil, listen. It may appear to you that we could have some ulterior motives, but believe me when I say we do not have any. While at first, the moment Patton found you, it was just simply a right ‘thing’ to do, the more time we spent with you, and I believe Patton is going to agree with me on this one, we've come to ‘like’ you and care for you.”

“Virgil, sweetheart, we don’t know each other very well, that’s true. There's still a lot for us to learn about each other, but I can assure you we want to take our time and get to know you better. It's just… For a couple of days now it just felt like you made us whole, you made us better, kiddo. With you here, with us, I've never seen everyone so happy. You're already a part of our family. I really believe so. And I would never have it any other way.”

“That’s it, that’s what’s so strange! How can you even think like that? I'm a complete stranger you’ve just met. Are you really doing this sort of thing to every person you find? Is it some sort of a sick inside joke, to take in random people as if they were some abandoned puppies?” Virgil turned back to Patton and Logan, tears shining in his eyes.

“Virgil, no, we would never do such a thing to you, kiddo! I guess its hard to describe… It just feels right, with you, here with us. And you really feels like my son, kiddo.” Virgil only sighed, wanting to believe but not able to do it fully. Ha had his concerns, he didn’t know if they, the Sanders, were honest or not, but he chooses not to mention his doubts as the men clearly would push things further and Virgil didn’t feel like yet another attack. Logan though managed to notice the slight concern in Virgil's gaze, but choose not to comment on it just yet. He walked over to the two men and embraced them in a tight hug.

“We are just happy that you are fine, Virgil. We like you, we really do, and let me say this yet again, you belong here, with us.” Logan hummed, closing his eyes and taking in the warmth of the two smaller bodies in his arms. “You are a part of our family, Virgil,” Lohan added after a while, quietly.

“Yeah, wh-whatever…” Virgil stuttered, blushing hard at the nice words the Sanders directed at him. It made him anxious and uneasy, but hell, everything else made him just as uneasy, and it felt really good with them by his side.  Even if he almost died, going crazy because of the exact same conversation, Virgil couldn't help but feel the strange warmth from before, spreading inside of him. Even if he himself didn’t realize it back then, it was the feeling of being loved that blossomed within him, something he always thought he would never experience ever again.

Virgil woke up… And he was still here.

He was still with the Sanders.

Virgil escaped from Shon.

Virgil was free.

Virgil was right where he should be.

Even if it would take time for him to return the warm feelings the Sanders had towards him, Virgil couldn’t care less. Not right now when he could almost feel the love sipping through the two men hugging him.

Virgil woke up.

There were still his nightmares hunting him in the back of his mind and a ton of other problems waiting for him just around the corner, but they were problems for another day. Right now Virgil didn’t care about his anxiety, about his suspicions, he didn’t give a shit about how unbelievable and cheesy everything was right now. Virgil didn’t care. He just wanted to be okay.

Virgil woke up.

And he was still here.


	15. 'I believe I know where the problem lies. How about you ‘pay us’ in nature?'

Virgil had a lot of time to himself to think through the events of the past week thoroughly. It took quite some time and sheer will to even try to comprehend everything that happened because of the many mental breakdowns that happened every other time Virgil even tried.

Virgil was… free… However ridiculous and unbelievable it may now sound like. Virgil was no longer to be tormented by _him_ , no longer used and trashed around, or… was he…? The thing with Virgil was that he never trusted people, or at least, not easily… And when he finally did and he somehow would lose his trust in this person… Well… Bad things usually happened.

The day Virgil turned nine everything, especially Virgil’s mental health, went to hell, so to say. For anyone who didn’t know Virgil as a little child, they would think that he was _always_ an anxious kid, nothing more wrong.

Somewhere it had to start, right?

It's not like he just was born with the anxiety that now controls his life.

The day Virgil turned six he learned his parents weren’t his parents after all. Not his real parents. The day he turned six the Morgans received an invitation… to a funeral… of Virgil's biological parents.

“Mom, what is it? Why are you so sad?” Virgil asked, concerned, seeing as his mother sat by the kitchen table, tears welling in her eyes, mouth agape but hid behind her hand that tried to muffle her violent sobs. She didn’t seem to notice Virgil at all as he walked over slowly, unsure of what he should do. The closer he got to his mother, the more uneasy he grew. What was wrong? Was she in pain? Virgil looked at her other hand. It seemed like she was holding something. Sneaking a glance through his mother arm Virgil couldn’t see anything but a piece of paper. Was there something rude written on it that made mommy so sad? The curiosity and concern were all over Virgil’s face as he took the bit of paper from his seemingly conscious mother's hand, reading the cursive aloud with some difficulty as he just recently learned to read at school.

“On the… lo-loving… the memory of Julia and Chri-Christopher… Carter… Mom? Who are these Julia and Christopher? Are they your friends…? Is it why you’re sad, Mommy?” Virgil asked, hugging his mother waist, trying to cheer her up. Virgil already knew what funerals were, his grandfather died a few months back and they went all the way to HH for the ceremony. Virgil didn’t like funerals. They made everyone sad and gloomy which made Virgil often feel uncomfortable. The woman suddenly jolted as if she just woke up and looked directly at Virgil.

“Lula was not… Just my f-friend, Virgil. Neither w-was Chris…” she sobbed. “…Lula was… Lula was my best friend and-and your mother, Virgil.”

This day turned once a happy, active and frivolous kid into a living disaster.

A kid that no longer smiled, couldn’t look people straight in the eye, feared any physical touch, was emotionally imbalanced and distanced himself from everyone.

It was then Virgil became… Virgil.

No longer talking to people, no longer playing dragons and princes with his friends, no longer going outside of his room.

Virgil eventually accepted that he never met his real parents and would never get the chance to, that he lived with mere pretenders, he understood that the Morgans didn’t do anything wrong in the first place, but he just couldn’t bring himself to trust them again. Later in his life Virgil would learn that he was adopted because he was a child of an accident on a party with lots of drinking and most probably drugs, and since his real mother couldn’t just bring herself to either ‘remove’ him from existence with abortion or to keep him, she asked her best friend, Virgil present ‘mother’, to raise him. (It wasn’t until Virgil turned ten and Anabelle was just about to turn four when his ‘parent’s’ told him.)

But not all was so bad about this… revelation. At age of seven, something that happened completely random, Virgil heard the Violin play for the first time in his life. The instant he heard the soft but at the same time spry sounds of this heavenly instrument, Virgil fell in love. Virgil was still an anxious kid and rather pessimistic about, well, everything, but he spent more time outside of his room and began talking to people once again. It was then Virgil started playing.

The present time, ten years later, Virgil was still as messed up as before, his personality never really turning better, just worsening if anything at all... But he could live with it. He didn’t need anyone around him to try and ‘fix’ him, he was perfectly fine on his own, right? He didn’t need anyone, he didn’t need the parental love, he didn’t need friends, he didn’t need anyone! Virgil was free, he managed to free himself on his own! He didn’t need anyone, he would manage just fine. Relations only meant pain and suffering anyway. Since that one ‘incident’ with his parents that made Virgil so distrustful, the teen trusted only two persons in the whole world. It was Anabelle and Granny.

Both now dead.

Love only would bring misery, right? It would only exploit him, everyone would use the love he would feel for them against him! Love would destroy him, it would be the end of him… Right…?

But here he was now.

Considering to trust someone yet again. To trust the Sanders. Just how pitiful was it? _Well, if you ask now… **I did not ask for your opinion.** Whatever, I'm going to give you one anyway. In all sincerity, you shouldn’t trust anyone... **Thank you so much, its always good to know what you th- …** but… Maybe you could pretend at least? I mean, its not a good idea to just believe everything they say, but its not a bad one either to just, maybe, I don't know, let them help you? Help us? **I don’t think… You never say anything remotely nice about anyone or anything… Why now? Didn’t you want me to die? Don’t you want me to suffer? Is it not what you have been doing the whole time?** Oh, Virgil, just shut up, will you? If the Sanders wanted to hurt us they would already have done this, right? And besides. Its true I like to see you suffer, its fun to mess with you from time to time, all the time actually, but… Well, there's no ‘but’ as per say. I'm not stupid enough to kill you directly. I am you and you are me. Our life is pretty boring right now so… I just try enjoy myself. **You're sick.** Yes, Virgil, I am sick... You're sick… WE are sick. **J** **ust stop it already. I get the point.** As long as we pretend everything is fine, everything is going to be okay. We wont open our heart to them and they're not going to crush it, simple math. Or… Are you so stupid you already forgot the basics of mathematics, ya stupid ass? **There you go. I almost couldn’t recognise you, being all nice and shit.** Me? Nice? Bullshit. **That’s what I thought.** But seriously… Just for now, so we can start to manage on our own again… right...? **Yeah, it not like they…** Its not like they w-would really c-care about us, right? **Y-yeah.** Just for n-now. **Just for now.** They don’t c-care about us. **No, they d-don’t.** They wont ever start to care for us. **I-I… I don’t k-know. I don’t t-think t-they…** They don’t- **But couldn’t they..?** No. No. No! NO! Even if… **Do you think they could r-really … l-like us?** **Could they ca-care about us…?** No. Never. Just __~_ _look at us, Virgil! Is there really anything t-they could possibly like?! I mean, I don’t think… **Yeah. You're right.** Of course I am. You’re pitiful. **Sounds about right.** Because it is._

Virgil growled as his head began to hurt once again from all the shouting in his head. The truth be told, Virgil didn’t even know when this slightly distorted voice appeared in his head, whispering the most of Virgil’s negative thoughts. It just… was… there. Ever present, loud and cold that often sounded as if it was tired of something… or rather someone. Sometimes it was just a silent whisper, soft like silk… But the other times, it would be a shout that would match the sound of breaking glass. Almost always amused in this sick way, as if he was looking down on Virgil every time he did/say something wrong or just whenever something bad happened to him.

Virgil knew he was mad. And the madness inside him reminded him of it every. Single. Day.

The doors to the room Virgil stayed in since the two days suddenly flew open, Patton storming in. Virgil jumped at the sudden noise but relaxed as soon as Patton happy face appeared in the doorway. Both Logan and Patton would visit Virgil every noon and would stay until like 3 o’clock before the nurse would come and kick them out because of the many noise complains that would be reported under the pretext of Patton being way too loud. It would be a lie if Virgil said he didn’t enjoy their visits. It was the only time he wasn’t alone with his own thoughts, so he enjoyed the break far more than what he should have. Virgil adjusted the blanket that was just about to spill over the edge of the hospital bed. It was the fluffy one from back home that Virgil often slept under or cuddled with whenever he felt down or on the verge of a panic or anxiety attack. **_Home._** Logan followed Patton soon after, pinching the bridge of his nose and sighting at, most probably, Patton and his overenthusiastic behavior.

“Hey, kiddo! We missed you so much!” Patton beamed, pulling Virgil a tight hug. Virgil hugged back awkwardly, unable to protest. Logan only shot him an apologetic glance.

“Pat, you have literally seen me 21 hours ago.” Virgil sighed, rolling his eyes.

“That’s 21 hours too long, honey!”

“Salutations, Virgil.” Logan nodded.

“Sup?” Virgil perked up, popping the ‘p’.

“We have talked with the doctor to whom you are assigned to and he told us we could take you home with us today,” Logan explained. **_Home._** There was this word again. Virgil frowned a little but the men didn’t seem to notice. Or so Virgil hoped for, but neither of them said anything.

“How about we let you change into some snuggly-“

“How about we wait for the doctor, Pat?” the teen sighed, moving away from Patton.

“Yep, you’re right. We should probably do that.” Patton laughed sitting on the bed beside Virgil. “How are you doing, kiddo?” he asked, patting Virgil's thigh.

“I'm not your son, Patt. And I'm… fine. I guess.” Virgil chooses to not comment on Patton's… patting.

“You ‘guess’?” Logan walked over and sat on the chair by the bed, crossing his arms.

“It's hard to feel good in a place like this. I just... I'm not a fan of hospitals. They make me fucking anxious-“

“Language, son.”

“Patt, once again, I'm not your son. But yeah, I'm gonna feel better the minute I'm outta here.” Virgil smirked or at least tried to. As soon Virgil finished the sentence his mood dropped, making the teen hunch. “Its… I… Thank you. For e-everything. I mean, you s-saved my life… Twice, a-actually… I just- I… I don’t know h-how to p-pay you back. You’ve b-been so n-nice to me and stuff…”

“Oh, Virgil, sweety. We've already talked about it. You don’t have to do anything, hun!” Patton assured, which only made Virgil feel worse. He hated feeling useless and vulnerable, and owing people was one of the worst things you could think of doing if you were just as anxious about everything as Virgil.

“You know what, Virgil? I believe I know where the problem lies. How about you ‘pay us’ in nature? If you are now so insisting on you-“

“Logan!? Shut your ever-flapping gobtalker! How could you even say something like this?! Virgil is not-!” Patton suddenly screamed out, gasping dramatically, covering Virgil's ears with his hands. Well, Virgil was surprised. He didn’t expect any of this going in this direction. _You see?_

“Patton, I did not mean anything bad or sexual by it. I merely tried to suggest that if it will make Virgil feel better we could let him do a couple of errands in the future to simply, so to say, ‘pay us off’.”

“But why even?!”

“Guys, I-“

“Because it is clear our kindness is making Virgil feel uneasy, Patton. I cannot believe it is me who is lecturing you off all people on emotions.”

“In what way uneasy?! We cant just make him ‘pay’ us! How could you even think about that?!”

“Sorry, I ju-?”

“Patton. Can you really not see? Virgil is a habitual worrier, it is rather clear that he is afraid and feels useless because he thinks he has nothing to offer, Pat! I just try to make him feel as worthy as I believe he is!”

“Gu-?”

“But you don’t make it by manual work, Logan!” It was no use. The both of Sanders were just too into the discussion it was impossible to snap them out of it. It was just as watching badminton, tennis or even pin pong. Virgil's head just lulled left to right and back again. He tried to stop them but they were too busy with each other to even notice Virgil trying.

“I was thinking about letting him help me with preparing for my classes, Pat! He could-“

“Guys, for fuck sake, just shut up for a while! Stop arguing about this shit already!” Virgil finally snapped, as he couldn’t stand any more of their argument. Surprisingly, it worked. And now he had a pair of eyes focused right at him. Virgil swallowed heavily.

“Language.” Patt pointed out.

“Just- Stop, okay? I-“

“But kiddo, I won’t let you work for something you shouldn’t worry about! Sure, you are welcome to help, but I'm not going to let Logan force you into-“

“I was not forcing him, Patton. I was only suggesting that-“

“Of course you were! You made it sound like-!”

“GUYS! For fuck's sake!”

“I said, language, my son!”

“For the nth time, I'm not your son, Patton!”

“Okay, I see where you are going, Virgil. Patton, we need to calm down. It is not a time for arguing and stressing over something as insignificant as this. We should talk about it later over a cup of tea, calmly. It is not going to take us anywhere if we continue now.” Logan raised his hands up in a soothing motion, up and down. “Both of you, just breath with me. In for four, hold for seven, out for eight.” They repeated the exercise for a couple of times and when they finally calmed down enough to see the doctor standing by the door, the three of them blushed in unison.

“Well, I see you are feeling better, Virgil. I've come to let you know you're free to go. Your clothes are in the changing room. Just come by and sign some papers at the reception before you go, alright?” The doctor said and almost immediately left the room as if he was afraid of being drawn into their quarrel from before. All three men looked at each other and after a moment of silence giggled, unable to hold in the laugh.

“I'm sorry guys for snapping at you, but you were just- too much.”

“Oh, kiddo. We're sorry too. We didn’t come here to argue.”

“You did the right thing, Virgil. Now, let us go home. Patton?” **_Home._**

“Yep! Let me just help you with-“

“No! I can manage on my own! Just give me a minute.” Virgil suddenly interjected, causing both men to smile warmly.

“You sure, kiddo? I could-“

“Nope, I'm fine,” Virgil assured, standing up and heading toward the corner of the room with curtains secluding a small 2x2 area with a chair and apparently, his clothes. Virgil was slowly feeling more at ease around those two, but he was far from feeling comfortable about… any other stuff, actually. Virgil was really self-conscious about his own body, with all the scars and bruises and fat (that he imagined he had, in reality, he was far more skinny than he was thinking) he didn’t want anybody to see him naked. Especially the Sanders. They already worried too much and every mark on his body contained a story behind, where… None of those memories should be shared. Virgil could only hope the doctor wouldn’t mention any of this, of all the scars spread all over his body, to the two of them. It was already too painful for him to go back on all those. He didn’t need to grave this beast out of its grave just yet. Or at least he hoped he would have to. As Virgil heard the two Sanders bickering once again, he hurried with putting his clothes on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“WHAT?! YOU SAVED HIM AGAIN AND I, THE PRINCE, WASN’T EVEN HERE TO HELP?! Roman shouted the second Patton and Logan explained the circumstances behind Virgil's disappearance from the house. “ ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!”

“ROMAN, FOR FUCK SAKE, LANGUAGE!” Patton shouted back, ironically using his own logic against him. Everyone went completely silent, clearly afraid of the father figure as he used the father voice™. To most harsh, mighty and powerful of all voices.

"What did you do to him?" Roman asked, turning and looking over at Logan and Virgil, both of them now smirking at each other.

 


	16. 'Fuck off, Princey."

”So basically, you died and was brung back to life?”

“I wouldn’t put it like that, Princey, but-“

“Oh, my GOD! That’s awesome!” Roman beamed, throwing his hands in the air, making Virgil frown.

“-Huh?” Virgil growled, staring at Roman expectantly.

“I'm mean- it's not good that you had all this… em… attack- but I mean, WOW! You're invincible!” Roman tried to explain but it already left it's mark. It wasn’t like Princey was a bad person… Or that Virgil didn’t like him… But he was just so extra it made Virgils sick to listen to sometimes and his words weren’t one of the nicest… even if they weren’t always meant to be rude.

“That’s not… how this work, you know?” Virgil asked quietly, looking away, feeling a sharp sting in his heart.

“Do you have any superpowers?! Like, like, flying or super strength, or-?” Roman just rambled and rambled, seemingly deaf to any of Virgil's words.

“Princey, if I had one, I would already get rid of you, so no. Sorry to disappoint you.”

“Wha- What?! Get rid of me?! ME?! THE PRINCE?!” Roman shouted offended, putting one hand on his chest and the other up in the sky dramatically.

“Oh, for fuck's sake, you're not a real prince!” Virgil snapped, sick from hearing over and over again about Roman and his ‘thing’ for being a Prince.

“Of course I am, you creepy cookie!”

“ ‘Creepy cookie’? Seriously? Didn’t you use this one already?”

“I am too aggravated to think of any better insult, okay?!” He just shouted back, making Virgil flinch.

“Gee, just chill down, Sing-a-lot.”

“And here I thought about being nice to you! I see I was wrong!”

“Oh, really? I didn’t know you were capable of being nice.”

“How dare you?! You're the one that’s gloomy and depressing around here!”

“That’s what I do, Princey.”

“You wouldn’t know nice if it came and b-“ Roman began but Virgil cut him off with an elbow in the stomach in a teasingly manner.

“Cut it off, already”

“It wouldn’t hurt you to be a little nicer to me, you know?! You're nice to Patton, even Logan?! What did I do to you to deserve your sharp tongue blurping all those insults at me, Hot Topic?!”

“Aw, you think I'm hot!”

“That’s not what- I- Ugh- Just, shut up!” Roman blushed and stormed off from the room. And that’s what he gets for trying to be nice. It is not how you were supposed to treat a prince, especially if all he wanted to do was help! Roman sighed and looked back at the teen still sitting on the couch, clearly trying to take as little space as possible. His knees, now high up under his chin, arms wrapped protectively around them, head fallen on the top of his knees, bangs down and hiding his so painfully beautiful but sad eyes. The black hoodie Patton dug up from the attic was almost drowning the boy inside of it, making him look more like a child than an almost full grown-up person. To make everything seem even worse, every time Roman tried to get the teen to smile and he wasn’t met with a dead silence but actually managed to make the teen slip up a laugh, Roman had to endure some kind of insult thrown back at him or a really, really weak punch to his side. Roman had to admit, while he loved bickering with Virgil, he made Roman go crazy sometimes. It was no use in Roman trying to befriend this utterly adorable Virgil, looking so soft and cute yet just as fierce, if every time Roman tried to talk to him he was being ignored! Why couldn’t Virgil be… well, not necessarily as polite as he is with Patton or Logan, but at least remotely friendly to him?! None of it made sense to Roman, so he simply went with his own princely instincts and bit back with his own sassiness. Walking over to the kitchen, Roman shot a glance at the wall next to the fridge where a huge white whiteboard hung. It was their own little communication center in this big house, the ‘mind palace’ as Roman often referred to. Logan would often write down important notes in a classy handwriting with a black marker and attach the most of the bills and other important papers there with small magnet- a brain with a pair of glasses on; Patton usually wrote down new recipes he meant to try or a list of things they had run out off and needed to buy with a thick baby-blue whiteboard marker, of course, among all the other goofy drawings of hearts and rainbows filling every empty patch of white he was doing; Roman- having his very own corner of the whiteboard, was running a week-plan with a schedule of when and which Disney movies were to be played at the evenings and on the weekends all three of them knew would spend at home. It was their thing. Right now there were no papers left from Logan, only a couple of Patton's recipes and a yellow post-it-note with a blue arrow pointed to it. Roman walked over grabbing an apple from the counter and biting into it.

“We’ll be back at home by evening, the dinner is in the fridge, make sure Virgil eats something and takes his pills! Love you, Dad…”

Roman read aloud, smiling. “…PS. Try to be nice to each other! <3” Aw! The prince simply adored Patton, if it was possible, he would hug the man and never let go of. His dad was a man of heart. A real walking embodiment of love and happiness. Almost thirty years of age, becoming a father at age of 24. Thinking back at the time Patton was still ‘only’ his uncle, like, which was like five years ago, Roman couldn’t help but smile as he recalled how happy Patton was as he got to finally date Logan. While the two had known each other almost their whole life, (in reality it was only since the college, but for Roman, it felt like ages ago) it took time for either of them to confess their feelings. Everyone around them knew the two had a huuuuge crush on the other but somehow the two involved were very oblivious to the loving looks they sent each other or the blush that crept on their face whenever they touched or hugged. Roman could only dream of ever finding someone like Logan, someone who would care for him as much as his Pa does for his Dad- making sure that he didn’t work up himself; someone who would be the first one to apologise after a fight, even if it wasn’t his fault nor was he the one who started it; someone who would let him win in monopoly games because his luck was like non-existent, like, ever; someone he would wake up beside and know he meant the whole world for them; someone he could call his ‘home’. Roman believed this one day would come… But as for now… He had an emo-nightmare that occupied his couch that he had to take care of as of now.

Walking to the fridge, Roman took out two plates with a serving of pasta and tomato sauce each and walked over to the microwave, figuring that two minutes should be enough to warm the meal up. Grabbing two servings of silverware and cups, the prince placed them on the table facing each other and folded some napkins while he waited for the sound of microwave finishing warming up one of the plates. Setting the other in, Roman grabbed a bottle of lemonade from the counter and placed in on the table. Satisfied, he just managed to set the warm plates before calling Virgil to join him on this fine meal. Preparing the pills Virgil had to take before eating, Roman glanced over at the teen, still sitting on the couch. It seemed the boy didn’t hear Roman calling for him. Roman walked over and put a hand on the teen's shoulder shaking it, but not before admiring the person beneath him for a couple of seconds. Virgil growled, mumbling something under his breath before violently stirring awake. It seemed like Roman startled to kid. Shit.

“The dinner’s ready, J.D-lightful. Get your ass over here, you idiot or I’ll-” Roman slurped out before even thinking about what he was saying, but stopped momentarily as he watched Virgil flinch even more at his words. “Oh, shit, look, I'm sor-“ Roman tried to apologize, but Virgil would have none of that. He was already familiar with this kind of behavior anyway.

“I'm not hungry, Princey. Fuck off.” He just said, now letting the guy in front of him having it his way.

“Virgil, I-

“I said, Fuck off.” Virgil snapped, turning away and hiding his face under the blanket. Roman Sanders, once again fucking everything up and failing to be the prince, sighed and send Virgil one last apologetic look before seating himself by the table and beginning to eat in silence.

\---

Roman heard a silent squeak of the wooden floor coming from the hall while he sat in the kitchen and worked on one of his school projects after he managed to shove some food down Virgil's throat along with his meds, just as Patton asked him to. Well…. Not actually in this manner, but it was as good as any if at the end of the day Virgil got both something to eat and his medication down, right? Yes? NO? Okay, he had to maybe work on a better way of doing this the next time, okay?! Perking his head up, Roman could swear he saw the teen standing in the midway flinching at the mere sound of his voice. Well, it was his fault, but that simply wouldn’t do.  

“Where are you off to, Oh-Dark-and-Stormy?”

“I'm just going to look for something called ‘I-have-better-things-to-do-rather-than-sitting-and-wasting-my-time-on-the-couch-dozing-off-and-have-Patton-or-Logan-to-come-home-and-have-to-take-care-of-me-because-I-couldn’t-even-managed-to-do-something-as-simple-as-going-to-sleep.” Virgil rolled his eyes, leaning against the doorway frame for some support. Roman frowned.

“That a rather… strange and specific thing you're looking for? I'm pretty sure you should actually be in the guestroom and be asleep. You know, doing the thing sick people usually do… Sleeping- snoring loudly and obnoxiously, drooling saliva all over your chin with your mouth wide open and your head leaning uncomfortably on either of your shoulders in an angle that would make your neck hurt the rest of this and the next day, making you all grumpy… You know, the usual.” Roman tried to lighten up the mood, not wanting to repeat his mistake from before.

“No shit, Princey. Just when I thought you couldn’t get even more visual and dramatic. Is that how you look when you're sick?” Virgil snorted, but Roman didn’t miss the slight flinch of the corner of his lips, slightly jumping up before being forced into a straight line.

“No way, Dark-and-Gloomy! You wish! I always look stunning, the Prince got to slay at all times, am I right?” The prince puffed out his chest and laughed jauntily, before sending Virgil a warm smile. The teen chocked on his words. “Aw! Did I caught someone secretly thinking that I am indeed the hottest person he’d ever known?”

“I was just trying to keep down all the bile rising in my throat after listening to your ranting, Sings-a-Lot.” Roman let out an offended gasp but laughed nonetheless only moments later. Virgil seemed confused.

“Why aren’t snapping back at me?” He asked.

“You’ve won this one. As much as I hate to admit, I don’t have any comeback for this.”

“No. Way. Did I really just shut you up? And did you really just admitted defeat? Do you even know what does these words mean? Shouldn’t your ego be shouting insults at me by now?”

“How do you know I'm not calling you names in my head?” Roman asked, smirking. It was true it really pained him to admit that he was at a loss for words moments ago, but it was just as fun, messing with Virgil like this.

“Oh, just shut up. You never stop yourself from calling me those stupid names. It is practically impossible for you not to.”

“You sure?”

“Hell, I am.”

“Language.”

“English.”

“Ugh, you aw-“

“What was that you were trying to say, Princey?”

“…-awesome d-“

“Hm?”

“…-awesome dude. Yep, you awesome dude. Did you hear this? I'm basically Shakespear!”

“I bet you couldn’t keep yourself from calling me names for the rest of the day.”

“Oh! You're offending my pride as a Prince! Of course, I can!”  
“You sure?”

“Watch it. I won't call you names til’ the end of the day. If I win, you'll have to address me as ‘Your Majesty’ for a whole day.”

“If I win, you're going to take me to the town tomorrow,” Virgil demanded, a new plan forming in his head. That was it. Virgil maybe couldn’t get out of this shithole he was currently at on his own in his current state, but it was probably much easier to hike a ride closer to the town than in the middle of nowhere where the Sanders apparently lived.

“Sure-Wait, what?”

“We have a deal.”

“Whaa-Wait-No!”

“What, are you chickening out?”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it, you-“

“-Ah, finish it.”

“Virgil. I am not going to drive you anywhere. Do you even know what are you talking about? You're sick and just got back from the hospital. Even I know you should be resting.”

“ Well, you just have to win our bet then, ‘cause you already agreed, Princey,” Virgil smirked, knowing just by looking at the teen in front of him how easy the victory would come to him.

…

Well…

…

Except it did not. 


	17. 'Or this one?! It’s so pink and fluffy!'

”Kiddo, Logan and I were talking about taking you on some shopping today, since… you know… they’re going to take you a-away from u-us. And you’d n-need stuff t-there a-a-and…” Patton smiled warmly, but the more he talked the sadder he sounded, making Virgil feel guiltier with each word.

“Patton, honey, no one is taking Virgil away from us.”

“But Joan is!” Patton sobbed.

“That is not how this work, we have been talking about this already.” Logan sighed, taking Patton’s hand in his own. “Joan is right, we cannot keep Virgil here, just because we want to. Virgil’s parents are still his legal Guardians and there are laws that-“

“But they left him! They have no say in this!”

“But the government has, Patton. Joan said this is the only possibility they could provide us with without involving the police department or any social workers. We were able to help Virgil only because his parents haven’t reported him missing and you know it.”  
“Yes, but-“

“Patton, do I have to remind you that it was Virgil’s choice as well?”

“No- But- You- It’s not fair!”

“That is how this world work, Patton.”

“But-“

“Look, Virgil is still going to be here, he is going to attend the school we BOTH work at, you will be able to see him almost EVERY single day, maybe even eat lunch with him if Virgil would be up to it… Virgil is not going to disappear only because he will stay at Talyn’s.”

“You have to visit us often-“

“Well-“

“-And stay with us over weekends, kiddo!” Patton finally looked over at Virgil who just sat there quietly listening to the word exchange between the two grown up’s, trying not to disturb anyone, nervously wringing his fingers out of the joints.  Virgil didn’t really want to be a part of this conversation, but he guessed it would only turn worse if he kept silent, so he cleared his throat before speaking.

“Uhm, Patt, I-I…” Virgil looked directly into Patton’s eyes, making the biggest mistake he could possibly make. Patton’s big and glassy ‘puppy-eyes’ were tearing apart the remains of what once was Virgil’s soul, imprinting their hopeful gaze in teens brain making him give in. Virgil swallowed hard, unable to look away from the man in front of him. “…Ye-yeah, sure.”

¨¨

“What about this one? This bag should be efficient enough to accommodate all of the school necessities… And this black color should appeal to you as well, it is quite practical as it fits the most accessories and clothes we already choose for you.”  
“Logan, please, it’s not necessary, really. You’ve done enough for me already.”

“Virgil, don’t be ridiculous.”

“But I’m serious. I’ll buy it on my own when I’ll be able to. Please, Lo.”

“What about this one, kiddo?! It has kitties!”

“Pat, sto-“

“Or this one?! It’s so pink and fluffy!”

“Pat.”

“Or- or-“

“Patton, pleas-“

“This one has RAINBOW ON!” Patton squealed, gawking, his hands on his cheeks. Logan only sighed, putting the black bag into the shopping cart. Logan murmured something under his breath, reading off of some piece of paper he held in his right hand, reaching for a couple of grey notebooks with his left one at the same time without even looking away from the note for a second. Patton just jumped left and right looking over at all the cute stuff the local market had to offer while Logan helped Virgil looking for the school supplies. It wasn’t one of the easier tasks as Patton was almost unbearable with all this excess energy he somehow managed to accumulate in some mysterious way and Virgil tried to convince the teach to leave the shopping mall every other minute or so, finding new ways in which he could possibly speak some sense in the older’s head. It was already past noon and they were out for about two hours, being almost at the end of the shopping list as Logan assured. They had already picked up some school utensils such as pens, markers, highlighters, notebooks, folders and etc. as well as some hygiene products and clothes. While it was quite easy to just pick whichever toothbrush and shampoo, clothes were a whole other story. With Virgil constantly denying participating in anything involving buying things for him and Patton running from shelf to shelf and picking the most ridiculous outfits there could possibly be, Logan had to pretty much do it all himself. From what he’d learned about Virgil the young teen wasn’t a huge fan of many bright colors… or anything that was bright… or colors in general… so the most of the shirts and t-shirts ranged from light grey to black, with an exception for few v-necks in dark purple, dark red and dark blue, all in the smallest size there was in the men section. While Logan knew for a fact that Virgil was quite muscular, the teen was so malnourished there was almost no fat on his person, making him really skinny… But not just skinny as in working out skinny, but the unhealthy type of skinny... Virgil was underweighted without a doubt, which was probably a result of deprivation from food, water and sleep. Just by thinking about it Logan could almost feel Virgil’s ribs poking him every single time he hugged the kid. It wasn’t the first time Logan saw something like this, Virgil just reminded him so much of a stray kitten- pushed around, denied love or any kind of care, left behind to be forgotten. There were heavy signs of strain on the teen's body alongside with many… way too many bruises and scars. Logan saw them only once, but he still couldn’t forget this horrible sight.

Logan looked back at Virgil, noticing how the teen stood there staring at his feet and clenching the rims of the sleeves of the black hoodie Patton had found him just a couple of days ago. It seemed like Virgil was feeling rather comfortable in it as he spent most of the days clothed in said hoodie even if he was proposed another options. Virgil was visibly more relaxed whenever he was enveloped in the black jacket and who was Logan to deny someone as little comfort as this?

The pants where actually much more problematic as Virgil denied revealing the size of his trousers, but one look at how Logan’s old sweatpants were presenting on the teen he guessed it would lie somewhere in small-medium as well. After some persuading from Logan Virgil actually tried on some clothes, more anxious about Patton and Logan buying him stuff in wrong sizes unnecessarily than buying him anything at all, which could be expected from the anxious boy. The clothes Logan choose for the teens fitted him quite well, so with the recently acquired knowledge on Virgil’s size, Logan got him two pairs of plain black jeans (not as skinny as the usual skinny jeans, but skinnier than the regular kind of jeans), one grey pair and one regular baby-blue one, not counting the dozen of plain black boxers Logan choose for him and another dozen, but more colourful with many different cartoons printed on them as Patton just decided Virgil should own. There were also some white and black socks- nothing out of the regular. As for the shoes Virgil assured it was fine with the sneakers he already owned but Logan insisted on getting him some real leather boots instead. With the most things already found Patton was left with picking the little smaller things such as hairbrush and pajamas and of course, a cat onesie. Just as the majestic tradition of building pillows forts of Prince Roman’s decree told- everyone at the Sanders family should own at least one onesie. Logan might say it wasn’t as important as everyone thought, but Patton knew better and choose the cutest one the store offered. After the ‘unnecessary’, as Virgil stated, shopping, the three of them made sure to grab some groceries on the way home as Patton planned on doing some sort of a ‘farewell’ meal for Virgil, completely ignoring the fact that it would not be the last time the two of them would meet.

Hours later when they got _home_ Virgil would take every given chance of being near Patton, Logan or even Roman, feeling an eerie and unsettling ‘something’ growing inside his body, more specifically in the very pit of his stomach, making Virgil uneasy, jittery and weirdly emotional.

Whether it was helping with cooking the meal or washing the dishes or simply just by standing near any of them.

Every time Patton hugged the teen Virgil couldn’t help but try and lean in, _needing_ to _feel_ the love Patton so radiated with, smirking at the giggling puffball.

Every time Roman bickered and called him names, Virgil just had to bite back, but in a much _softer_ and _friendlier_ manner than what he was used to doing, throwing Roman off a couple of times.

Every time Logan commented on something or began to debate with Virgil, he found himself _smiling_ and just listening to the warm baryton of the older man, sitting there and nodding, answering if needed or expected.

Virgil really liked it, the feeling of constancy and just pure easiness, but no matter what you wouldn’t catch him dead admitting to any of it. Everything felt so right and good, but so, so wrong at the same time. At the Sanders Virgil felt at _home_ , like it was somewhere he _belonged,_ somewhere Virgil _fitted_ in with being himself without needing to lie or fear for his life. It was something Virgil haven’t felt in years, starved for this warm and pure but feared and truly despised feelings. It was just so irrational and wrong, considering the only family he ever had was now long dead or wished him dead, _love_ being nothing more than a way of making him open up and be vulnerable once again. Virgil couldn’t let open his heart yet again, just to let them tear it from him, stomp and jump all over crushing it mercilessly against the cold and disgusting floor, making Virgil have to kneel down and collect all of the shattered pieces of something that he once trusted them with.

Virgil wanted nothing but to forget about everything.

Forget about the endless competition and endless hours of studying.

Forget about the violin and school.

Forget about his parents.

Forget about all this time he was forced to fend for himself, alone in this cruel world.

Forget about Granny.

Forget about his work.

Forget about the abuse.

Forget about Shon.

But the most Virgil wanted to forget was how to breathe. How to function. How to live.

Virgil just wanted to forget he even existed.

To forget the feeling of being alone, useless, _unwanted, disgustING, WORTHLESS, DESPIC **ABLE** , **WRETCHED, MISERABLE, TO FORGET HOW AWFUL HE FELT WITH HIMSELF EVER Y MORNING HE WOKE UP AND WAS STILL ALIVE.**_

Virgil wanted to forget everything.

Not because it was painful.

No.

The pain was actually something that reminded him that he was still alive and failed miserably.

Virgil wanted to forget because he was just tired of everything.

Virgil just wanted to go to sleep… and… never wake up again.

He was so tired.

So. So. Tired.

But…

The more time Virgil spent with the Sanders, the more…

The more he realized he really missed that.

He missed being cared for. Missed how it feels to being loved by someone. Missed what it meant to have a family.

He missed every single thing.

The waking up every morning by 7 o’clock with a kiss on his forehead, announcing him he managed to live yet another day and to welcome him to a breakfast. To sit at the table and just chit-chat about what things he planned on doing or not doing, eating the delicious meal one of them would prepare. Missed sitting around and goofing, playing games and watching movies jauntily. To help with the cleaning or the homework or any other thing or task. To be able to hug someone whenever he felt like he needed reassurance. Missed being able to feel something but the constant fear of being punished or used. How…

Virgil missed all of that, but…

He was scared.

So, so scared.

Scared of opening up to someone yet again.

Virgil feared being rejected or left behind once again.

One day Virgil had everything…

And now he had nothing.

Virgil feared if he only as much as left a creak in the doorway to his soul and heart, someone would just barge, bust in and mess him up.

Virgil wished he was already dead.

Oh, what he wouldn’t give to go back in time and just stay and let the man eventually, finally finish him off…

Or to maybe to go in a different direction the moment he left Shon…

Or to just take his own life by jumping off of that bridge he crossed while heading to where Patton had found him…

Or to let himself drown in that lake he crossed and fell into, struggling to remain on the surface and get back on the constantly crushing and cracking under his weight, thin, thin ice…

Or to just let that burglar from five years ago to shot him.

Virgil wished he was dead. He really did, but…

The more time he spent with the Sanders, the more uncertain he grew on what was that he actually wanted from everything, from everyone, from life, from himself.

Did he really want to die?

Did he want to have his family back?

Or…

Did he want the Sanders to be his new family?

Virgil couldn’t tell, but…

The more hugs and kisses he got, the more snare comments and silly nicknames, the more ever so interesting and captivating conversations he held…

The more Virgil didn’t actually care about what was that he actually wanted anymore.

Virgil wouldn’t give a fuck.

Or he wished he didn’t.

But one thing he was sure of.

Virgil was happy to be able to come back and stay on the weekends with his _family._

_Family._

**_Yeah._ **

**_That sound about right._ **

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, the School is almost over! The grades are finally out and I won't have to worry about studying or anything... well, besides working my job and maintaining a decent and healthy lifestyle, helping at home or with my siblings... or... Well, okay, still got some shit to worry about but I'm going to have so much more time to write and I'm just so friggggging happy :D Anyway, I decided to get myself an account on tumblr, it always looked so cool and stuff and I would read prompts and all the amazing stuff there so I was just like 'fuck it' and made myself an account. If anyone here has one and wouldn't mind adding me, tagging some cool stuff to read or just sending me a message or anything actually, I wouldn't mind! I was thinking about posting some scrabbless and dribbles and doodless out there, probably a few linked to this fic and the others I'm working on, so... yeah... You can find me under randomcoil xD Or I think at least that is what was my username xD (https://www.tumblr.com/blog/randomcoil)
> 
> I'm posting this one there too, probably gonna like... upload the whole story but, yeah, whetever xD
> 
> Have a nice day!
> 
> <3


	18. SHORT NOTICE

I'm really sorry for making anyone think I posted yet another chapter, I'm awful, I know, but I forgot to ask You all how would You like me to write the chapters? Would You be okay with me continuing to write like two chapters around 2k words each every week (or something like that) or something longer like 5-10 k but like once a week at most? 

Let me know! :D

Have a nice day!

<3


	19. 'Did you just hiss at me?'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy.

”Roman, stop, what are you doing, you idiot?” Virgil laughed at the boy standing behind him and hugging him tightly to his chest that started to purr into younger teens ear nudging it with his nose.

“I’m just showing my boyfriend some affection, can’t I?”

“Who are you calling your boyfriend, Princey?” Virgil smirked, pulling away, but Roman just took him by his hand and spun around so the two of them now faced each other. Virgil blushed deeply, hiding his face in the crook of Romans neck.

“You, my raven,” Roman whispered, sending pleasant shivers down Virgil's spine, making him arch his back slightly. The younger groaned unwillingly, clenching Romans shirt in his hands, his knuckles turning white from the force. His heart beating one hundred miles an hour.

“Ro-Roman.” Virgil gasped, when the green-eyed adonis placed hands on Virgil's thighs, picking him up and hugging him tightly to his chest, laughing. Virgil could feel the vibrations of Romans warm laughter spread through his body, and while the two spun around in circles before they fell onto the bed with a loud thud Virgil could swear it felt like his own little heaven. Roman snickered while Virgil just squealed, clenching to Roman like a lifeline when they almost fell off of the bed, entangled in the bedsheets. “S-Stop d-doing that, stupid!”

“Stop doing what, my precious?” Roman teased.

“Stop it!” Virgil gasped out, unable to take a deep breath as Roman just kept squeezing and tickling the teen in his arms that wriggled and wriggled, trying to get out of this heated embrace.

“Naaaw! You're so cute when you try to fight me!”

“Continue this shit and I'm really going to kick your stupid as hell ass, Princey!”

“Language, my raven.”

“Roman!”

“Now, we wouldn’t want Patton to hear us… I've got much better ideas for what the pretty little mouth of yours should be doing instead of swearing, my love.”

“R-roman!”

“Would you like to know?”

“S-sto-p-p it alre-e-ady!”

“What about you come down to your knees and-“

“Ro-Rom-m-an for FU-U-U-CKS s-sake! S-stop it!” Virgil gasped in-between short breaths and laughter.

“You would look so good with my c-“

“RO-ROMAN!”

“Oh, come on! I'm just kidding! Let me tease you from time to time! You're no fun!” Roman pouted, crossing his arms over his chest instead of tickling Virgil. The younger teen took a couple of quick breaths and smacked that idiot on the head with his hand.

“Ow! Whats that for?!”

“For not listening to me, you dumbass!”

“But I DID listen to you!”

“Then why didn’t you stop, Princey?!”

“Oh, come on, Charlie Frown! You’ve been so down lately I NEEDED to cheer you up somehow!” Roman explained, looking straight into Virgils almost black eyes as they devoured every single stray of light and remained two big bottomless pits that Roman swears could swallow him up if he stared too long into them. The dark circles under teens eyes were not caused by the lack of sleep, no, that Roman knew for sure as for a couple of weeks it was almost a lost cause whenever someone, even Patton, tried to get the teen up from his bed… No. It was… It was… Yeah, what was it? Virgil looked so stressed Roman almost saw the dark circles deepen and darken with every second, making HIM feel delusional about all of it. But was it stress? Have he had any problems at school or work? Was someone bullying him? Roman didn’t know but Virgil refused to answer the unspoken question.

“I don’t know what ya talking about, Princey.”

“Yes, you do, V.” Roman sighed. Virgil couldn’t help but shot a glance to the corner of the room, where his doppelganger stood tall and proud, smirking down at him. While he could easily be mistaken for Virgil if any of the others actually saw him, Virgil knew there were some differences. The other Virgil was constantly smiling, smirking almost painfully teasingly; his eyes gone, leaving only two deep smoking holes left with two crimson gems shining ominously from within, hovering in his skull eerily; his hair deep black and messed; his clothes being the same as Virgils but ripped here and there, leaving some space for the greyish skin to poke through; his tongue cut in half, a piercing in each end of the fork; his fingers long and ended with black claws. It was Virgil but at the same time, it wasn’t. It was _him._ The _voice._ The _madness_ within Virgil.

 _"Why don’t you tell him, Vee?"_ **_There is nothing to tell._ **

_"Are you so suuure~_ ?" The manifestation of Virgil's inner voice asked, stretching the last syllables as much as he could, his venom almost sipping through every letter.  ** _Leave him out of this._**

 _“But Roma would looove to knooow~”_ The creature laughed, taking a few steps towards boys, his arms reaching towards Roman hungrily.

 ** _"Back. Off."_**  Virgil almost growled, seeing as _he_ placed his hands on Romans shoulders, the teen completely unaware of the dread in the back of Virgil's mind growing as he watched _him_ slowly dig his claws deeper and deeper into the Romans skin. Roman just stood there motionlessly, frozen in time. **_“I SAID BACK OFF!”_** Virgil launched at the two, but _he_ already tore Roman in half, black goo splashing everywhere, eating through clothes, skin, flesh, and bones with a silent hiss, as if it was some kind of acid. By the way it smelt it was a possibility Virgil couldn’t deny. He screamed, trying to catch Roman, but just as the sea of blackness enveloped him, he jolted upright from his bed, screaming, panting and gasping for breath, sweat-soaked.

 

~~~~~~

 

“Kiddo, come here for a second!” Patton asked, a happy tune present in his voice. Virgil smiled involuntarily, warmth spreading in his body at the sound of Patton's voice literally filled with sunshine and rainbows, coming from the kitchen.

“What is it?” Virgil asked, standing by the counter and eyeing the mess in front of him. There was flour everywhere and while there was some all over Patton as well, it seemed that this baby blue apron that the man was wearing was somehow flour repellent, as every single piece of Patton was covered in the white powder but this particular piece of clothing. Virgil chuckled at the sight and blew some air on Patton's face, getting the flour off of his glasses.

“There you are! I didn’t _see_ you coming there, Vee!”

“Nice one.” Virgil smiled, helping the man wipe the flour off of his glasses. 

“Oh, my is it just me or is your hair purple?! Oh, goodness gracious you look amazing! You just flour-ish with style!” Patton squealed at the radiant colored hair Virgil just got the other day, as a penalty to a certain bet he lost with this certain prince about doing this certain stupid thing consisting of retrieving a certain item which a certain pair of idiots lost on a way to a certain place that totally wasn’t this exact household and the item being the keys to the said household. No, it totally wasn’t _that_ and this certain prince certainly didn’t cheat. It wasn’t just like he left them in the car and said that he didn’t see them between the seats the last time he checked, which he of course totally did to be clear, and then assured Virgil they weren’t there. Of course it wasn’t like that. Except it was. **_This fucker._**

“Was just that a double pun? Referring both to _flour_ and my hair being colored just like those _flowers_ … Was it Dahlia? 'Moor Place’ breed?”

“You even know the name?! Kiddo! You're so smart!”

“Yeah, yeah, Pat, just… You know? Get to the-, to the point, yeah?”

“Oh, right! I was planning on making some homemade pizza for our sweet lil’ guys for when they get back from the casting and I wondered if you, my sweet strange-dark-son, maybe, would like to give me a hand?” He asked, staring expectantly at the teen. Well, it wasn’t like Virgil even thought about refusing to help this ball of happiness anyway, so he just rolled his eyes and sighed.

“Once again, I am not your son, but yeah, I could do that.” Virgil shrugged and went over to the storage room to grab his own, black and purple- ‘Disney Villains’ themed apron. He knitted the strings on his back without any problem whatsoever which really both amazed and confused Patton, because for as long as he owned his own he wasn’t able to properly tie a bow by himself.

At first, nothing seemed unusual, well, Patton maybe was a little more clumsy than he uses to be, but that’s fine, right?

But then the more Virgil was into the process of making the pizza he noticed some things off.

Like the things they put in the bowl.

**_“Since when do you put this… black goo… in the pizza? I'm pretty sure, it, well, it doesn’t go… You shouldn’t put it there, you know?”_ **

_“But of course I do know, silly!”_

Or the temperature they set the oven for.

**_“You sure it’s not too hot, Pat? Its-, well, its-, it's little too high.”_ **

_“Now, Virgil, Its okay, the pizza is going to be ready faster!”_

**_“That’s not- that’s not how this… work.. you know? The pizza will still be-”_ **

_“Its gonna be fine, kiddo!”_

And the fact that Patton left the oven unattended.

**_“Patton, are you SURE that’s its okay to just leave it there? I can stay and watch it over, you know?”_ **

_“Now, kiddo, I’ve got the timer on! Let's just take a quick nap, the time will go faster and when we wake up the pizza will be ready!”_

**_“I don’t think- I don’t think it’s a good-“_ **

_“Come here, kiddo~” Patton_ patted a place by him on the couch, waiting for the teen to take a seat and cuddle until both of them would fall asleep. Virgil really didn’t want to go there. The empty space between Patton and the cushions and the blankets seemed so cold and unwelcome he had to actually force himself to take even a step forward. Virgil then really began to question if it really was Patton. The _way_ he moved seemed to be more spasmatic, more cranky as if he was unused to move freely around and just recently began to, his arms twitching uncontrollably when he waved Virgil over to the couch. The word that left his mouth _sounded_ so cold and unnatural it sends shivers down Virgil's spin, so hoarse and almost eerie. And the _look_ in his eyes, it was… Patton's eyes were so dull and darkened they looked soulless, almost if Patton was dead inside. Every step Virgil took made his heart pound louder and race faster, his palms sweating and his vision blurring. The moment Virgil lied down by the fatherly persona the world burst in black flames, devouring both of them, the whole room, the furniture, everything. A blazing, seething black fire coming from the kitchen swallowed up the world around them and Virgil didn’t even have the time to scream or to run away.

 

~~~~~~

 

“Salutations, Virgil.”

”Sup, Lo.” Virgil greeted looking away from the screen of his phone. He wasn’t doing anything remotely productive, just scrolling through the internet and listening to some ebook with the one earplug he had in his ear.

“I was wondering if you would like to accompany me to my office at school and help me with grading some of the late papers I have gotten from a couple of my students.”

“Which class is it?”

“English class. ‘Creative writing’, in particular.” Virgil frowned a little, quite surprised.

“Don’t take it the wrong way or something, but wouldn’t Roman be better for this? I mean, he’s quite one for being both painfully creative and the most, how do you call it?, flamboyant royal ass I know.” Virgil suggested, noticing shadows of a smile in the corner of Logan's mouth.

“I love Roman. I really do, but… That is the problem, Roman is too _extra_ for my liking as of now. I need to get this done and not get a migraine from his endless banter he surely would suffice myself with.” Logan explained, already massaging his templates as if the mere talk about Romans ‘exploits’ was causing him a headache. Virgil just shrugged and stood up from the couch he was sitting on and followed Logan to the car.

The thing with Logan and Virgil was that while the two of them weren’t particularly close, and here I mean as close as Roman is with Patton, which is a lot, like pajama parties and doing some make-up on one another alongside with love-talk and gossiping about cute boys Roman met and so on; they really liked being around each other. Its almost like there’s some kind of an unspoken rule that if the Logan and Virgil would spend some time together it would be quiet, peaceful and soothing for their often troubled and tired minds. They would often just sit in the library and read some books, maybe fall asleep on the couch cuddled together beneath Logans favorite galaxy-themed blanket or just hang out and sip a cup of tea. Since the time Logan discovered that Virgil really liked that one tea they bought at Starbucks a couple of months back called something like Tazzo Passion Tea, he purchased a few boxes and now neither one of them drinks anything but the Passion tea, not even coffee. (Both the flavor of passion fruit and the beautiful rich purple the tea has made both of them fall in love with this drink instantly.) It was their own little ritual and it often helped them calm down after a particularly bad or stressful day.

Despise that today seemed like it was totally one of these days, as Virgil could actually see the bags under Logan's eyes that almost outmatched his own ones ( _ha ha, good luck with that_ ), Virgil just sat in the car and remained silent as Logan probably expected of him.

It wasn’t like the two never talked with each other on a daily basis, it was just that they understood each other without words which amazed and made both Roman and Patton jealous as of how in the world they even manage to do so. Its like one look at the other and they instantly know what the other meant. There was this one time when they had a family dinner and while Patton chatted happily with Logan about something school related and Roman tried to shove as much pizza in his mouth as he could (which was like a whole slice of ‘Meat Lovers Pizza’ at once) Virgil just sat there and was looking around rather pleased with himself and the family atmosphere by the table. Suddenly Logan looked over at Virgil and waited. Virgil just nodded and stood away from the table, making both Roman and Patton stop what they were doing and look over at him curiously as of what he was about to do, but Virgil just walked over to the cabin and took out a sealed jar of crofters as the one Logan held just a couple of minutes ago was emptied. Virgil walked back over to the table and passed Logan the jellified Nectar of the Gods, making both Patton and Roman gape in awe as Logan nodded, wordlessly made himself a toast and casually went back to the conversation with Patton. Since then whenever Logan looked at Virgil, Roman and Patton would just sit expectantly and watch the silent exchange of thoughts between the two trying to figure out the secret of the mastership in the Thoughts-reading between the two of them.

**_“Aren't we going a little too fast, Lo?”_ **

_“Falsehood. It is not that fast, I am merely driving at the speed of 60 mph, Virgil.”_

**_“Yeah, but it’s like a 30 mph way, you know? Please, slow down.”_ **

_“There is no need to, there are no pedestrians or police officers around, and besides, the time of our ride will drastically shorten.”_

**_“Lo, it's unlike you, please, please slow down.”_ **

_“Virgil-“_

**_“Logan, Please. There's no hurry, no matter how ironic it sounds I’d rather live, you know?”_ **

_“Virgil, we are not going to die.”_

**_“Then slow down.”_ **

_“Virgil-“_

**_“Logan, no!”_ **

_“Virg-“_

**_“Logan, slow down for fuck sake!_ **

_“Look, there is n-“_

**_“Logan, watch out!”_** Virgil screamed, pointing to a black figure that appeared in front of the car, but they were going too fast and the time of reaction wasn’t short enough for them to react in a better way, so Virgil pulled the steering wheel and made the car turn sharp right, miraculously avoiding the person but driving right off the road into the lake. As the sound of a massive splash was followed soon by the water flying everywhere, Virgil could only embrace himself for the impact from meeting the surface of the lake before his head hit the car panel.

 

 ~~~~~~

 

After a third or fourth time in a row that Virgil had woke n up from a nightmare, after of course swearing and cursing everything around him, he gave up the idea of even trying to go back to sleep. Sure, he loved sleeping, it was actually his favorite activity and the most efficient way of dealing with his problems at Shon's place, trying to escape this hellhole called life into the pleasant void of pure blackness and... well, nothingness. Virgil always has been a "stress-sleeper". Whenever he was anxious or felt really bad about different things he just went straight to bed and prayed that if he woke up the problems would go, fade away by themselves. It never worked, but who said he couldn't hope?

It was practically Virgils last night at the Sanders and perhaps... it made Virgil kind of... well...

_Anxious?_

**_Yepp. That's the word I was looking for. Thank you soooo much for your input._ **

_Oh, come on, What did I do to you this time?_

**_It's_ ** **_your fault I cant sleep._ **

_How so?_

**_I keep having nightmares and I'm almost sure I saw you in a couple of them._ **

_Oh, you mean that. Well, how was it Patton calls you? 'Kiddo'? So, 'kiddo', I would really be sorry about that if I actually cared, but since I don't, deal with it. It's not like I could do anything about it anyway, you having nightmares about me? How saaad._

**_Ha, ha, if you cant help, let me be then._ **

_Tsk, tsk, Virgil. You never learn, but hey, since we're definitely not going back to sleep and were soon going to be 'released', what are we planning on doing then?_

**_What do you mean?_ **

_You know, we're going to be finally free, no one will stop us from going places and…_

**_We won't be going anywhere. I mean- I mean we will stay at this shelter. For now, at least._ **

_Are you for real?_

**_Yeah, I promised, and… And I- And I really like it h-here._ **

_But what if-_

“What are you doing awake, Dark-and-Broody?” Roman asked as Virgil leaned over the counter in the kitchen, unaware that he already got up from the bed and began wandering around almost sleep-walking, startling the teen. Virgil jumped and clenched his shirt over his heart in his fist, breathing heavily.

“For fuck's sake, warn a man next time, you idiot.” Roman made gasped and made a really offended noise, crossing his hand on his chest and turning slightly away from Virgil.

“How rude of you!”

“Rude!? Do you want to give me a heart attack?!” Virgil almost shouted but retained his voice only slightly raised as he was still aware that everyone except for the two of them was still asleep. Roman immediately frowned, guilt painted all over his face.

“Oh- uh- I'm- I'm sorry.” He just whispered, lowering his hands and head, suddenly nervous. Virgil normally wouldn't give it a second thought, but now it kind of threw him off slightly as he wasn’t used to seeing this ever flamboyant prince so regretful.

“Oh.” Virgil just breathed out as he finally understood as of why Roman would back off immediately. “Don’t worry about it, I was just joking. But seriously, warn me next time.” Virgil just shrugged and sighed, trying to relax his now stiff shoulders.

“Virgil-“

“That’s not how you call me, Princey. Don’t take pity on me.” Virgil cut him off, almost hissing. Roman just stood there confused. Wait. **_Did I-?_**

“Did you just hiss at me?”

“I'm doing this when I reach my limit with idiots like you.”

“Hey!” And there it was. Roman at his old self, mean and dense as always.

“Yeah, whatever. I'm going back to-“ Virgil spun around on the heel of his foot and headed back to the room he was usually sleeping at.

“Wait.” Roman took Virgil by the sleeve of his hoodie and stopped him midway in taking the first step towards the hall. “I mean, do you- would you- sit here with me?” He asked, looking anywhere but at Virgil, but it wasn’t like the teen was looking at Roman either. Virgil wanted to do everything BUT to sit here, in the middle of the night with Roman, alone, just the two of them. Just as he was about to pull and snatch his sleeve away from Romans grasp, Princey tugged him a little towards himself. “Please. I- We- We didn’t start off on the right foot. Please, let me try again.” Roman whispered entangling their fingers together. Virgil's heart skipped a little faster at Roman words, not even knowing the reason why. He furrowed his brows and looked away, oblivious of the way Roman looked at him or the slight blush that crept up his cheeks.

“Sure.” He just nodded and looked straight at Romans face, not expecting the shyest yet warmest smile he has ever seen, easily outdoing the signature smile of Patton that was literally brighter than the sun itself, his eyes shining bright despite the darkness enveloping the room. Roman looked marvelous with his hair messed up, freckles over his nose, his lips slightly parted and cheeks tinted with pink. He didn’t even dare to take a glance at Romans body, awfully self-conscious of his own fat and ugly self. Virgil's mouth goes suddenly dry and he twitched involuntarily as Roman stretched his hand towards Virgil.

“Hi, my name is Roman Sanders and it is a pleasure to meet you.” Roman bowed slightly, flashing his perfectly white teeth, smiling brightly at Virgil. The anxious teen swallowed hard and took Romans hand, shaking slightly.

“V-Virgil Morgan.” Virgil stammered out, letting Roman drag him to the dining table.

“Would you like some hot chocolate, Virgil? I'm pretty sure it's not as good as my Dad’s, but it's not bad either.” Virgil only nodded and nibbled at the sleeves of his jacket, suddenly nervous around Roman. While the older teen warmed up some milk and stirred the cocoa powder into the kettle, his back turned to Virgil, the anxious mess couldn’t help but stare. Suddenly he remembered something.

“Why are you even up, Princey?” He asked ever so quiet, but the teen heard him nonetheless, aware of the volume Virgil tended to speak at.

“Promise to not tell either of my dads?”

“Em… I don’t- Sure?”

“I just got home from my friends’, his name is Julian and lives in the town nearby.”

“Cool?”

“Nja, we had some project we had to work on. We had recently done one in English, but then we got yet another one and you know, had to work some through and I didn’t want to waste a full day on working on it so I stayed over and-“

“Okay? You- you don’t have to explain things to me, you know, Princey. I won’t tell them.” Virgil assured, clearly trying to calm down Roman before he would start to hyperventilate or something.

“Thank you.” Roman just sighed and poured the chocolate into two big mugs, placing those afterward on the table in front of Virgil. “Here you go… So… Why were you up?” Roman continued on the question Virgil so desperately tried to avoid and clearly failed to do so.

“It was… I had a nightmare and couldn’t fall back at sleep.” Virgil just muttered under breath, looking away ashamed. Yeah, sure, he could have lied, and despise one hundred reasons why he actually should have lied, Virgil decided to tell Roman the truth.

“Oh… Do you want to talk ab-“

“No, thanks. I've got it.”

“…Right. Ehm… Virgil… I- Do you- I mean-“

“Yeah?”

“Tell me something about yourself. I mean- I've heard Dad and Pa talk about it, they told me a little here and there, but- Well, you don’t have to if you do- I mean- I won't force you, b- It would be nice…” Roman sighed and after jumping from looking over from one thing to another, he focused on Virgil.

“What would you like to know?”

“I know I'm not in the place to ask- I mean- Its rude of me- You don’t have to tell me anything- I understand tha- Wait, what?”

“I asked…” Virgil repeated. “…What would you like to know?”

“Oh, uh, um- I didn’t think you wou-“

“Yeah, yeah, I get t, hurry up before I change my mind.”  
“My Pa says you're really smart.”

“Thank you? You know it’s a statement, right? Not a question?”

“Yeah, I mean, do you like studying?”

“No, not really, but I guess I am good at it. Or at least I've managed to learn some things.”

“How come then?”

“Eh, when I was a child, my… ‘parents’ really wanted for me to be successful, not really for my own sake, but more like to have something to show off to the family, neighbours, the world, you know? So I learned whatever they would tell me to… And when I got older… There wasn’t much more I could have done anyway… Maybe you didn’t notice, but I'm not really that talkative or remotely nice, so I just stayed at my room and, yeah… Studied.” **_Well, it's not really a lie. It's not like I had depression, or something, right? Nobody would like to make friends with me anyway, even if I actually cared about getting myself some, right?_**

“I don’t think you're that bad. You're talking to me, right? And you're always nice to Pat or Lo!”

“Yeah, but that’s something else, you know? They did save me, twice actually.”

“So you're nice only because of that? … And you think Id believe you on that one, especially when I saw that picture Pa took of Patton and you cuddling together on-“

“Okay, okay, just- stop already, okay? Virgil turned away and sipped on his cocoa. “I do like them, okay? Now, shut up and never mention it again.” Virgil growled, making Roman chuckle.

“Aw, you're cute when you're all embarrassed, you know?”

“Cute?”

“Yes? Did I say something wrong or-?”

“You don’t usually call a boy… cute… you know?”

“I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

“No, its fine, it just surprised me, that’s all- No one… No one really cared to call me like this in a while… Well, except for Patton, but, you know…”

“Yeah… When- When was the last time, someone, somebody complimented you?”

“In a go-“

“Yes in a good way.”

“It was… Back at Marthas, I think.”

“Martha?”

“It was this old lady I stayed with for a while. She was really nice, almost like a grandmother I never had, you know? She just took me in, and… Yeah, I really liked her and she kept telling me so many nice things, and- Yeah, it was nice to listen to for a change.” Virgil explained, the voice in the back of his head remaining silent for the whole conversation between the two of them.

“What happened to her?”

“Heart attack.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“What happened later on, after that?”

“I… I stayed over at my boyfriend's, but- You clearly see- I mean, I'm here now and- I left him. It wasn’t working out between- between the two of us.”

“So you had a boyfriend?”

“Kind of…”

“What was he like?”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, what kind of person was he and-“

“Oh, well, Shane, because that is his name, he was really sweet and caring at the beginning, you know? Like every boyfriend or girlfriend should be, right? He would take me places and watch movies with me, eat some really good things out in the city and… Yeah, stuff like that. But then, the more I talked to people other than him he would get really jealous and he slowly stopped to do these small things with me, we would stop cuddle and talk to each other and… And he began drinking more and- and he- And then I understood that he never really was a good person, that he just lied, but- It's not like I really cared in the first place, you know? I went with him knowing what would happen and- It's just- he was- is- He is an asshole, but… He did help me in a way, you know? He was a sucker, but I deserved it.”

“Virgil-“

“No, its- That’s how things just been, you know?”

“I… But, you're not going back to him, right? I know that you are leaving off to Talyns and…”

“No, I hope I won't see him ever again. He was- You know- The scars… I have… Not all of them, but…-“

“A wifebeater?! He was- he was abus-!” Roman spat out with anger, jumping off of his seat, startling Virgil.

“Yeah. Yeah, he was.”

“Why didn’t you ask someone for help? I don’t mean to be rude or insensitive, but I'm sure if you’ve called the police they would-“ He gesticulated with his hands, still standing in front of Virgil, almost protectively hovering over him.  
“They would do shit. Trust me.” Virgil just cut him off midsentence, standing up as well.

“Why is that? It surely would do some-“ Roman took a step back, unsure of what was about to come.

“Shane is a police officer. Well known and respected, a fucking ‘golden star’. They wouldn't do shit. They wouldn't believe me even if they saw him ra- They wouldn’t do anything.” Virgil muttered the last words almost inaudibly, looking away, refusing to keep the conversation up.

“I'm sorry for you, Virgil, but believe me when I say this… For as long as I'm around, I won't let him hurt you again, I promise. Neither will Logan or Patton. We're here for you.” Roman whispered back, taking a few steps ahead and slowly embracing Virgil in a hug, aware of Virgil's anxiety and reluctance for physical contact. Despise that Virgil thought that the hug would make him feel uncomfortable and uneasy, it felt really good to just be in Romans arms. While Virgil really didn’t want to share any of his past he felt like he… Like he had to. He was anxious about it, sure… ashamed, as much as he could possibly be… He really didn’t want to do any of this, but it… But Virgil felt… He felt so safe and almost peaceful in Romans presence he couldn’t stop himself from spilling about his past. Not about all that deep shit, but at least he scratched the surface, right?

The warmth of both Romans embrace and his previous words began slowly spreading this goofy and irrational feeling within Virgil. The hug wasn’t like the ones he got from Patton or Logan. Hell, not even the hugs from Granny felt like that… It was… Virgil never thought he would be able to feel so good in other man's arms, but hell, he’d lie if he said it didn’t feel amazing to be hugged by Roman. These unexpectedly big but equally strong arms that once would make Virgil almost terrified, were now calming him down… The hand tracing up and down Virgil's back sent pleasant shivers down his spine, but not in a sexual manner, but rather a more calming, soothing one. Roman felt… Roman felt like…

Roman felt like family.

Like home…

But, hell, you would catch him dead saying any of this out loud.

Let's just say it was a really nice hug, okay?

Right?

_Sure._

**_Fuck._ **

 


	20. MANUAL AND QnA

Btw, are You confused with the various types of the font thicknesses or the cursive? Here, have some brief explanation:

 _1\. text-_ the voice of ‘Madness’ inside of Virgils head

2.  ** _text_ - **the voice of Virgil inside of his head, often arguing or bickering with his inner Madness

 _3\. “text”-_ the voice of ‘Madness’ inside of Virgil’s head spoken out loud by Madness, mark that only Virgil is able to hear any of this!

 _4. **“text”** -  _the voice of Virgil inside of his head that is spoken out loud and able to be heard by anyone, it’s no longer only Virgil himself and Madness that hear the stuff Virgil is saying!  
 5. Yeah, there could be some random text that is written in cursive as well, but it’s just to make a point, or rather to give those few letters some strength or deep to it, I guess you’ll find those words on your own, maybe gonna mark them differently in the next chapters, Idk

 

I'm probably going to make some character-charts/card/howeveryoucallthisstuff with like names, ages, heights, personality traits and so on! (Maybe even with pictures if I'll feel like it! ♡) 

Do You have any other questions about anything I wrote so far? Just ask here and I'll try to explain things as much as I can!


	21. EXTRA III

 

AS I PROMISED, HERE ARE SOME CHARACTER CHARTS I WROTE LATELY AND DECIDED TO DOODLE SOME PICTURES TO! Please note, these are only the shortened versions, I wrote as much as I had space for :) 

PLEASE ENJOY!

YOURE FREE TO HATE ME IF YOU IMAGINED OUR BOYS DIFFERENTLY OR MORE HANDSOME OR I DON'T KNOW, WHATEVER OTHER REASON YOU MIGHT HAVE TO DISLIKE IT, I REALLY DON'T MIND, YOU'RE ALLOWED TO HAVE YOUR OWN OPINION :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DO NOT JUDGE ME BY THE PICTURES I CHOSE TO USE AS THE BASE FOR MY DOODLING! *blushes deeply, embarrassed*

 

I used these pictures (links below) as the base for our boys :)

Patton https://www.aliexpress.com/item/mens-bodysuit-shapers-sexy-Sheer-body-stocking-see-through-catsuit-Man-gauze-jumpsuits-lace-shirt-teddies/32358518348.html

Virgil https://attitude.co.uk/article/cameron-dallas-gets-naked-for-mario-testinos-towel-series/14986/

Roman https://www.artsfon.com/download/54037/1920x1080/

Logan http://malecelebnews.com/2012/02/29/st-even-underwear-2012-campaign/st-even-underwear-2012-campaign-09/


	22. 'Moron'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I'm so... ashamed of myself!  
> A few weeks back I was talking about getting out few 2k chapters/ one 8-10k chapter a week, and here I am, with this... Well, whatever this is, after a few weeks of complete and utter silence from my side! I'm so, so sorry guys... I just... Had really much going on lately.  
> Check the end-note for an explanation as to why I wasn't uploading anything lately!

“So, Kiddo. Today- Today’s the day, right? Your- Your big day! What- what would you like for bre-breakfast?” Patton asked, sheepishly looking at his own feet. Tears forming in the corner of his eyes, he didn’t dare to look at Virgil, as every time he did he was a step closer to finally breaking down. As as far as Virgil knew, there was no going back from this point.

“I’m not hungry, Pat, but thank you,” Virgil whispered, not really in a good mood for anything.

The thing was, Patton wanted Virgil to stay. Logan wanted Virgil to stay. Even Roman, Roman wanted Virgil to stay.

And Virgil…

He wanted to stay as well.

The teen has grown attached to this family of mishaps and it pained him to have to leave as soon as in a few hours from now on.

“Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, kiddo! Do not forget that! You have to e-eat every morning, and I mean, EVERY morning to be healthy! Even if—Even if we won't be here with you, you-you have to keep it in mind!”

Patton sobbed, wiping off the tears with his the sleeves of the beige cardigan he had wrapped around his arms, very emotional about the whole thing.

“Patton, how many more times do I have to tell you that Virgil is not going to disappear? He is just going to sleep and stay over at Talyn’s over the week and he will be back here at weekends, as you, I remind, asked him to.” Logan interrupted as he walked into the kitchen. Patton just pouted.

“I know, but still! He is my son and-“

“Patton, how many times more do I have to tell you that I am not your son?” Virgil asked mimicking Logan, just to cheer the man he held dear up.

“As many times as it’ll take time for me to get this into your sweet and brilliant little head of yours that you are my son and nothing will change it!” Patton just frowned and spun around, opening his arm welcomingly towards Logan, craving for some reassurance from his partner.

“Just roll with it, Padre!” Roman suddenly patted Virgil on the back, making the teen jump and hiss startled. The moment Virgil hissed, the whole room went eerily silent. The teen's heart began speeding up, beating like a bird in a too small for his own good cage, his thoughts running wild in every possible direction.

He knew he screwed.

He knew it was already over.

It was too late for Virgil to make run for it.

But he tried nonetheless.

As soon as the loud kitten-like sound escaped his mouth, Patton spun around with joy and excitement in his eyes, squealing and cooing at the broody one, which currently, was already halfway through the hallway. Patton just bounced after him, arms spread wide and inviting, thou Virgil knew better than to hug the man. He did after all like his bones being in one piece, and Patton's bone-crushing hug would most certainly fail at helping his already weak body in any way.

“OH.MY.GOODNESS!!!! YOU'RE SO ADORABLE! I COULD JUST HUG YOU AND NEVER EVER LET GO UNTIL THE DAY I DIE OR YOU GRADUATE AND MARRY MY SON AND GIVE ME LOTS AND LOTS OF GRANDCHILDREN TO CARE ABOUT AND SPOIL AND PUPPIES TO PET, AND EVEN THEN I’LL HAVE TO REALLY THINK ABOUT LETTING YOU GO BECAUSE YOU’RE TOO PRECIOUS AND I’M GONNA GO MAD IF-!”

“Dad, stop that! You're spiraling downhill, pull yourself up!” Roman almost screeched out, crimson red on everywhere neck up, especially the ears and cheeks, desperately trying to hide away from Virgil. The teen thou, he didn’t even pay attention as he himself was currently running away from the hellhound called Patton Sanders, running behind furniture and maneuvering between the other two men in the house.

“Now, Patton, I think it is time for us to leave, we do not have time as Virgil has to unpack his-“ A loud thud and a wave of laughter mixed with startled noises interrupted Logan midsentence, making the man sight loudly as he stared down the two men on the ground. Apparently, Patton finally managed to get to Virgil and with lack of better options, he tackled the teen to the ground and was now hugging him tightly and petting his head, whispering sweet nothings the whole time, both lying on the carpet in the living room out of breath.

~~~~

“…And here we go. This is your new room, Virgil.” Talyn said, brushing their blue hair to the side, away from their eyes as they opened the doors and a gush of wind from the wide open window blew it right in their face. Virgil nodded in a silent ’thank you’, not that talkative today especially after Patton sudden outburst of love and affection towards him earlier this morning, but Talyn somehow was very understandable and just patted him on the back, moving to the side just to let Patton and Logan walk in with the few boxes they packed up with all of the things they earlier have bought for Virgil. The last person to walk in in the room beside Talyn was Roman, who was taking care of the box with school books and school supplies, definitely the heaviest of them all but the teen seemed unbothered by the weight of the knowledge (ha!). The moment the four of them begun to unpack the car Roman quite obnoxiously began bragging as for how strong and mighty he is, flexing his muscles in different poses literally walking into everyone’ personal space, gushing loudly. When he took the box labeled “School” he didn’t even flinch while lifting the heavy cardboard, almost juggling it around and refusing to get any help from the remaining trio. Everyone knew he did it just to brag off later ass the most ‘helpful Prince there ever was’, but no one really bothered to complain as Roman has already been slowly driving everyone mad and if they were to argue it would only make everything worse, so they just carried on… Even Patton, the sweet angel he is, was sighing silently as he listened to Romans antics, letting him do the most work that apparently made him feel valid and needed.

But when it came down to Virgil and physical work, oh boy, the only thing Patton let Virgil actually carry was the fluffy pink blanket of Romans, that the said teen almost threw at Virgil this very morning demanding to take it as a ‘farewell’ gift. Virgil did protest, but his words have been outscreamed by Romans attempt to sing every song from the play he was currently auditioning to go acapella only, so the anxious teen gave up after a while.

Well.

That was it.

Standing in the middle of the room did strange things to his mind that would usually be filled with vicious lies and screams of his subconscious, going completely blank and silent this time.

With all of Princey’s bickering and side-comments and Patton's sobbing, it sure felt as if it would be the last time they saw each other, making Virgil feel really uneasy and more anxious than he should actually be about all of this, because- well… He wasn’t even meant to know the Sanders in the first place.

Thanks to the ever calm and realistic Logan Virgil managed to keep his anxiety at bay, not sure if the reassuring Logan did was actually meant to be towards Patton or him. (Or the both of them as Logan noticed the early signs of an upcoming panic attack whenever Patton went down the ‘dark and gloomy’ spiral of dark thoughts and made Virgil feel uneasy as well.)

Virgil spun around, standing in the middle of the room, taking in the light brown walls with a pair of windows on the corners of two neighboring walls (making one huge corner-window as the room was both upstairs and the one placed the most to the left of the whole building) and dark wooden panels that were slightly wiped/scrubbed, making them look even older than they already were. In the room was there only a single bed dressed in a grey sheet with a nightstand next to it, a standing wardrobe (more like a cabin in the corner of the room), two shelves and a desk with a chair. It wasn’t much, but more than Virgil actually needed (or had since the time he had run away from his parents’) or was able to afford (the shelter was free since he is still a minor, but the day he’d turn eighteen, he’d have to pay some rent- which wouldn’t be huge but still). The three men placed the boxes with Virgil’s stuff on the ground in the middle of the room, while Virgil just placed the blanket on the bed.

“Would you like some help with the unboxing, kiddo?” Patton asked, placing a warm hand on Virgil's shoulder. The teen leaned into the touch, making Patton smile a little brighter, but soon he turns away, his shoulders hanging down.

“No, I- I’ve got this, but thanks.” Virgil pulls away, sitting down on the bed clenching his fists and squeezing them in-between his legs. Since the ride here and the whole time they were here, Virgil's stomach has been doing some flips and many other acrobatics, making him feel slightly nauseous and unable to focus on literally anything but the strange feeling that settled within him. Patton, noticing the tension in Virgil's shoulders as well as signs of being anxious, sat down beside him, reassuringly placing a hand on his back once again.

“What is it, Vee?” He asks, pulling Virgil towards himself so their arms and heads meet. Virgil just sights, not really sure why he suddenly feels so down. _Oh, you do know what. **Shut up.** Make me. _

“Is it possible you are anxious about spending your first night here alone, Virgil?” Logan asks, leaning by the desk. **_No._** _Yes._

“I… I don’t-“ Virgil stuttered, looking anywhere but at the men in the room. The floor suddenly looked much more interesting than before, as well as his shoes, Patton’s shoes, the dust on the floor, the irregular scratching on the floor, wait, _what_ is that irregular scratching at the-

“Well, fear not, my Chemically Imbalanced Romance, because of which I, Roman Prince-“

“Oh, Shut-?”

“I, Roman PRINCE, will accompany you, my Dark Knight, tonight.” Roman continued using his royal voice, flamboyantly lifting up his arms in his signature pose, standing in the middle of the room making sure everyone saw and heard him perfectly fine. Virgil just rolled his eyes, but Patton squealed in delight. “And then, I will proceed to escort you safely back to the Sanders Kingdom to stay until we all have to depart for our lectures!” He added wildly gesticulating.

“That sure sounds like a nice idea, kiddo!”

“What do you think, Virgil? Would this suffice to your needs? Logan asked calmly, waving to Talyn that seemed to get a rather important call, making them leave the boys to themselves.

“Wh-whatever. Just don’t make me regret it. “Virgil shrugged, getting a sideways hug from Patton. The teen smiled involuntarily, but hid his face in the crook of Patton's neck, cursing his fast beating heart and the warmth spreading in his body. Then, Roman suddenly took Virgil by his hand and pulled, rushing the teen to his feet. Virgil gasped quite startled, but followed nonetheless, not really processing yet what had just happened. “The hell, Princey?!” He just shouted a moment later.

“Since you're not going to unpack now, it’s the perfect time to claim whats mine! I believe you owe an adventure, Marilyn Moonrose.” Roman laughed, undeterred by Virgil's outburst.

“Are you serious, like, right now?” Virgil just asked dumbfounded, trying to yank his hand free from Romans grasp, failing to do so. Roman just tugged him more, throwing his arms over Virgil's shoulder.

“Yes, right now.” Roman beamed, proceeding to the doorway, but stopped by confused Patton and Logan.

“What are you talking about, Roman? Where are you taking Virgil?” Logan interrupted, asking the unspoken question that resided on Patton's face.

“We had made a bet a while back, which I-“

“Cheated on,” Virgil smirked.

“Which I WON FAIRLY, making Virgil have to call me ‘Your Majesty’ for a whole day, but-“

“Since Princey cheated-“

“BUT SINCE I-“

“Cheated-“

“-WAS AWAY FOR THE MOST OF THE TIME, I-“

“…”

“Aren't you going to interrupt me?”

“Why should I? I thought you didn’t want me to.”

“…”

“…”

“… Alright. BUT SINCE Princey couldn’t be around for a whole day-“

“BUT SINCE I WAS AWAY FOR ALMOST THE REST OF THE WEEK WE AGREED THAT I COULD TRADE THE PRIZE OF OUR BET WITH VIRGIL!!!”

“He took my ‘One day spent of my choice of activities with this imbecile’-

“That’s not how it went-”

“OVER ME having to call him ‘My Majesty’ which would, in turn, make him call me that instead.“

“And since I WON-“

“Cheatingly.”

“FAIR AND SQUARE, I'm claiming this very day as my prize,” Roman explained, trying his very best to not shove Virgil's side with his elbow for interrupting him and making false accusations, but unable to do so because of the fact that it actually sounded better with Virgil’s annoyed voice than it did sound in his head saying the exact same thing by himself…

Well…

That AND the very cute expression on Virgils very handsome face whenever he smirked at Roman.

Curse this cute and endearing pouting face of his!

“What was the bet about, RoRo?” Patton asked amused.

“About me not coming up with nicknames for him.”

“Kinda.”

“It’s ‘Kind of’, if anything, Virgil. If I may ask, how did Roman cheat?”

“He just didn’t speak to me for the rest of the day. Not even a word. The bet  wasn’t about being a fucking mute but to not call me-“

“Language-“ Patton glared at Virgil, but the teen wasn’t even looking at him anymore. He was just looking now at Roman angrily, clearly irritated but amused nonetheless with this dumbass and his childish behavior… Even if he himself wasn’t really acting all mature about the whole ‘cheating’ thing. How old were they?! Kindergarteners behave more mature than they do!

“Oh, come on, Charlie Frown. I won. You didn’t say I couldn’t just ‘not’ talk to you, did you?

“No, but-“  
“You see?! That means I did not cheat. Now, I believe, we have something to do right now. I've already planned our whole day and-“

“Roman, please, just be considerate of Virgil's physical state. If anything happens, please, call us.”  Logan sighed, already skeptical of what Roman might have planned. Well, it wasn’t just Lo that didn’t like the whole idea, but Virgil could not just back up from the bet. Maybe Roman did cheat, but Virgil was playing fair. He lost, unfairly, but still, and he would endure the pain in the ass known as this flamboyant imbecile, Roman Sanders.

Besides…

He actually was curious as what Roman might have planned…

Just a teeny tiny bit curious...

_Teeny ti-_

“Yeah, that’s right kiddo!” Patton laughed but pulled Virgil to the side, hanging his arm around Virgil's neck, bringing him down and turning around a little bit just to whisper in his ear: “When Roman was five years old I made sure he learned our phone number when one day we lost him in a park and found him a few hours later clothed in nothing but his underwear hanging down from a tree with a very cute puppy barking at hi-“

“Dad, stop it! That’s embarrassing! You swore you would never bring that up!” Roman screeched and pushed his parents out of the room.

“I hope you’ll have fun together! We will wait for you with the dinner! Its gonna be meat-pie and jello and-!”

“Patton, I believe it is ‘It is going to be’ rather than ‘ it's gonna be’-“ Patton smiled at Virgil, currently being casually being corrected by Logan while still being pushed through the doorway by Roman.

“Yeah, exactly! Whatever you say, darling! You're so smart I can't believe we are married! I just love you so much!” Patton smiled and kissed blushing Logan on the cheek as the two of them headed next for the exit, their voices slowly growing more quiet and muffled.

Virgil just nodded to himself, waiting for Roman and the inevitable… which… didn’t actually come? Roman just headed straight (ha) back for the window and watched as his fathers’ car drove away and disappeared in the distance minutes later.

“What are you waiting for, Princey? I thought we were leaving?” Virgil asked already standing by the door expectantly, nervous all of the sudden. Romans behavior was beginning to put him off, making him worry for God knows what. The longer Roman just stayed glued to the window in silence, the more distressed Virgil grew, his stomach knitting in on itself making him all nauseous, his hands beginning to sweat and slightly tremble as he clutched the doorknob in his hand. But Roman remained silent, his gaze still focused somewhere behind the glass.

“Roman…?” Virgil asked silently, not sure if he should scream at the teen before him to snap out of this strange trance or just wait patiently until he would do it on his own. The longer Roman didn’t respond the more uneasy Virgil grew. “Roman.”  
“…”

“Cut it our already, idiot.”

“…”

“Roman!” He turned around, a wide grin on his face, eyes slightly narrowed and looking straight (ha!) at Virgil. “Roman?”

“Finally, alone.”

“What are you- What are you talking about?” Virgil stuttered, taking a step back but stopping almost immediately as he was already walking into the wall. Roman just stared at him for a while, making his heart race, startled by this sudden change of behavior. It wasn’t like Roman to look at him like this, and honestly, it was creeping Virgil out. But then, as fast as it came, this serious look disappeared from Romans face, his usual warm smile back on his face. **_Oh for fuck's sake, he is going to be the end of me!_**

“You know if I told you it would ruin all the fun… So that’s a no-no from me.”

“But Princey-“

“There are no butts here, if anything, refer to my royal behind as THE MAGNIFICENT-

“Ew, no.”

“Yeah, that was bad. My bad- But the point is-!” Roman shouts enthusiastically, “That I cannot tell you yet.”

“Fine.” Virgil groaned but followed the royal ass nonetheless.

…

“You know, I couldn’t really talk about this at home and all this waiting just made me more excited!” Roman smiled as he walked down the street, looking at the displays the different stores offered them to look at, putting up their most fine products and services. Virgil just slowly trailed behind him, making sure to keep his pace up enough to always have Roman at an arms-length distance.

Just in case.

“What are you talking about?” Virgil mumbled keeping his head down, bumping into Roman when the said teen suddenly stopped. “Hey!”

“What am I talking about?! Don’t you realize what day is it today?” Roman asked linking their arms together. Virgil just shrugged.

“Not really?”

“Well, today's the 19th…”

”And… whats so special about it?” Virgil asked dumbfounded, furrowing his brows and wrinkle his nose slightly, turning his head to the side. Damn, that was so cute Roman almost gasped.

“…And 19th is really… like REALLY close to…” Roman gesticulated his hands in a circulating motion, signalizing Virgil to continue… Too bad he still didn’t have a clue what was Roman talking about.

“…”

“Christmas. It's Christmas.” Roman sighed, rolling his eyes.

Oh.

**_Christmas._ **

**_“Yeah, what about it?”_**  He almost hissed through his clenched jaw, trying his best to keep his voice as neutral as possible, but Roman still winced at Virgil’s harsh tone, or rather not knowing the reason why Virgil's voice sounded so… malicious… all of a sudden… Did he say or do something to put him off?

“What do you mean, what about it? IT MEANS ITS TIME FOR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING! And you, Virgil, will help me out in finding the best of gifts for my dads!” Roman rambled out after a minute of silence between them, breaking the tension and trying to lift the mood a little, striking one of his princely poses- clenching his jacket in his left fist and raising the other hand in front of him on the eye-level, looking slightly to the side.

Virgil just stands there, dead in his tracks, not really looking at Roman or anything at all for that matter. He just stands there with his head slightly dropped, his shoulders hunched on themselves and arms wrapped around himself, his eyes locked onto something Roman couldn’t even see. It was rather obvious there was something that bothered Virgil or at least made him feel uneasy. Roman reached to Virgil, trying to grab the hem of Virgil's jacket. Well, tried... It was a bad choice.

A really bad one.

Virgil, standing in the middle of the walkway was fighting against his own thoughts and memories jumped away from Roman instinctively, almost as if he just got burned on something, as fast as he noticed someone reaching for him.

Yeah, the word ‘someone’ described it pretty well, as it seemed that Virgil didn’t even recognize the person in front of him as Roman. Virgil was looking straight into Romans eyes, but at the same time, it felt for the said teen as if Virgil couldn’t even see him.

Roman backed away his hand but Virgil was still standing a good few meters away from the teen. There was this utter… terror… in Virgil's clouded eyes that made Romans heart skip faster, but in a really bad way.  

“Okay, I get this, no touching,” Roman assured, raising both of his hand up and keeping them in the plain sight.

The first Christmas after Anabelle's death was one of the most devastating holidays Virgil knew and had the “opportunity” to endure. It was… Heartbreaking, to say the least. Every single day after Virgil's younger sister’s death was a constant reminder of how unfair and horrible this place was, taking in the most precious and letting the horrible scums that pledged the world to roam free and claim the lives, property, and everything good that’s left of the most innocent ones that are still left in this cruel world to deal with this hellish nightmare called life all by themselves.

But the first Christmas after Belle’s death…

Well…

It wouldn't be a lie if Virgil said this particular Christmas was far worse than spending months in the deepest hole of the ever so frozen pits of hell itself.

He’d pretty much prefer it to what he got instead.

A couple of days before Christmas, at the date of Belle’s death, the whole atmosphere in the household turned 180 degrees ‘round.

Usually, the house was eerily quiet and if it wasn’t for the ever faintest sound of bloodcurdling scream filled with pain and agony the few times Virgil didn't manage to swallow those down that could be heard from time to time, you'd think nobody has ever lived there.

But this time…

Oh, no, there were no screams.

There was laughter.

And Christmas caroling…

And baking and cooking, preparing for the Christmas dinner…

There was even some decorating of the whole house and the Christmas tree…

The gifts were bought…

Ugly sweaters were worn…

Everyone was… happy.

Well…

Except for Virgil.

It wasn't that he hated the sudden change itself, it was good that his parents have begun to move on with their lives, really, it's just-

It was just…

It was HOW they choose to move on with the daily routine that made Virgil uneasy and quite concerned for them, to be honest.

His ’parents’ ignored him the whole time.

But not ignored like they just wouldn't listen to him or so, but in like, ignored his whole existence.

They didn't see him, they didn't hear him, they didn't interact with him at all.

In the beginning, Virgil thought that it maybe wouldn’t be so bad. Being ignored meant some time for him to recover from the ever-present physical abuse, leaving him in turn to his own disruptive thoughts, which maybe wasn’t better but still, at least it was caused by his own hand or mind for that matter.

It was something Virgil could handle.

No problem there.

It was rather WHO the Morgans choose to acknowledge in his place that was making Virgil's skin crawl and the heavy feeling of dread settle in the pit of his stomach.

Anabelle.

They acted just as if she was still there.

They would ‘look’ at her, staring at something Virgil couldn't see and honestly didn’t want to see.

They would ‘talk’ with her, facing the exact same spot they have been staring at since they first have spoken of Anabelle still being with them.

They would leave a plate by the table for her, put even some food on it and just roll with the diner, chatting casually about work and school and other stuff.

They would ‘give’ her the present from under the tree, really just moving the colorful packages from one place to another.

They would ‘sing’ together and take pictures together for the Christmas cards they would later send everyone, an empty chair between the two elders in front of the Christmas tree with a cheerful writing.

Just as if she was still there.

And it scared the shit out of Virgil.

Not because he believed in ghost (which he maybe did), but because of the fact, his ‘parents’ seemed to have finally lost their minds. 

They were crazy people even before that, but now they weren’t a threat just and only to Virgil, but to themselves as well.

The Morgans needed help, they needed medication, a psychologist, anyone… But Virgil couldn’t do anything.

They have cut the cables in the telephones, confiscating Virgil's old phone ages ago, cutting themselves off from the outside world.

They didn’t want to be ‘distracted’ from this very special holiday, they said.

Virgil couldn’t call for help which they clearly needed, he couldn’t do anything, so he just would hide in his room under the covers in his bed worrying his ass off for the idiots.

Sure, Virgil missed Anabelle too and blamed himself wholeheartedly for her death, but this wasn’t the way to go and he knew this. The Morgans, yeah, they were horrible guardians and even worse human beings, but he still cared for them and it was painful to watch them spiral down like this even after everything they have done to him. They didn’t deserve to struggle like this, but Virgil couldn’t do anything. 

Virgil could only sit and wait.

And wait he did.

For… what have seemed to be ages…

With no positive results.

It was then Virgil have gone crazy himself and the voice in his head was so loud and clear Virgil had to look around him every time and check if he was really all alone in the room, so real it had sounded. Yeah, sure, the exact same voice was with him since Anabelle died, whispering his own horrible version of ‘sweet nothings’ into Virgil's ear, but it was around the first Christmas it became too much for Virgil. When it all became more ‘real’.

By the end of January, everyone has gone mad, in their own special way. It took several months for the Morgans to acknowledge Virgil's presence once again, which only had brought him even more troubles and both mental and physical distraught. 

_Snap it, Vee. There's no point in dwelling on that anymore. Were past this, right? Anabelle is gone… They are gone as well… We might… We might at least enjoy ourselves! Its- It’s the first Christmas we get to celebrate, since… You know, since An-_

**_Yeah. Thanks, because its totally not you that brings those memories back, you know?_ **

_Its not my fault it’s the first memory I've had of us together._

**_I'm_ ** **_still not getting how is it possible you feel more real than the people I actually know, Dude._ **

_I am technically you, but, yeah, it feels weird, doesn’t it?_

**_That brings a whole new meaning to ‘Im my own worst nightmare’, right?_ **

_It does, it really does._

**_Were no friends._ **

_But were no fiends either._

**_So, what are we?_ **

_Well, I'm pretty sure if you told Logan any of this hed call me a mental illness._

**_Arent you one?_ **

_Look who’s talking._

**_But you are. I'm crazy, there's no point in denying it, my sick minds literally created you._ **

_So what? I'm no worse because of this. I'm real too. I'm human. I'm you… And yet not._

**_You're_ ** **_not real. The others cant see you. You’ve got nobody, no name, no-_ **

_That’s it. A name. I want a name, of my own. Something that’s only mine._

**_But what for?_ **

_Names hold power and I just- I want you to… Acknowledge me, as… As something real, as a part of you._

**_A… name?_ **

_Please._

**_Well, you DO help me sometimes…_ **

**_…_ **

**_But you usually bring me down as well. You wanted me dead._ **

_Hey, it was long ago-_

**_It was only a couple of DAYS ago, maybe two weeks at most._ **

_Hey, I apologized._

**_No, you did not._ **

_No? I could swear I did. You sure?_

**_You said you were the ‘voice of rationality and logic’ in my head. That you know better than I do. That I should have killed myself, that I should be dead, that I-_ **

_Okay, okay, I admit- Maybe… MAYBE, I've been… a little much to deal with._

**_Little?_ **

_Okay, I'm a pain in the ass, I get it, but I really only want the best for you. Maybe I am a sickness, maybe we both are, maybe neither of us is-_

**_I think it’s the first-_ **

_FINE! But what’s a life without little madness in it? It would be boring you’d want to die even without my help._

**_Weren't_ ** **_you trying to apologize to me? How is it possible I feel even worse than before?_ **

_I'm_ _sorry._

**_Samuel._ **

_Pardon?_

**_I want to call you Samuel, Sam, for short._ **

_Are you- FOR REAL?_

**_Yeah, why not? You did apologize-_ **

_I… Honestly- I don’t know what to-_

**_Then don’t. Just… Try to be a little nicer to me._ **

_Never._

**_Yeah, that's what I thought._ **

_You know me so well._

**_Fuck you._ **

_I hate you too._

**_Sam?_ **

_Yeah?_

**_Thanks for distracting me from-_ **

_Don’t mention it._

The memories of Anabelle were still very painful to Virgil, he hated this particular holiday with all his might, but Sam was right. It's over. There's nothing Virgil can do about it. Sure, it hurt, A LOT actually; Virgil does _not so secretly_ wish for the whole world to burn (it’d be best if it did burn on Christmas, this fucking joke of a holiday should pay for what it did to Virgil's family. If it weren’t for Christmas, Virgils ‘parents’ would never leave for shopping for gifts and extra groceries they already had enough of in the first place, Virgil wouldn’t have to face the thief alone **and the man wouldn’t have killed Anabelle. Everything would be okay if it weren’t FOR THAT FUCKING STUPID** -

_Geez, stop that W! Its mine and Virgils thing to talk shit like that, not yours!_

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just very emotional about it.

**_Yeah, no joke._ **

_Virgil! What are you doing here?! You were supposed to help Roman, not talk with the writer!_

**_Hey, you’ve talked to her first!_ **

**** _I did no- Wait, I did… But it was her fault!_

MINE?!

_Of course it was! And you Virgil-_

**_Okay, okay, I'm going. See you around, W._ **

Bye Virgil!

_Why do I even bother?_

Because you care?

_Pffht- Wha- NO, I DO N-_

Sure, you tell yourself that. We ‘believe’ you *wink, wink*

_Ugh… Just leave me alon-_

**_NOW YOU SEE HOW I FEEL WHEN YOU ACT LIKE SHIT TO ME LIKE THIS?!_ **

_OH, FOR FUCKS SAKE!_

I'm so sorry for these tw-

_Excuse me?!_

JUST STOP IT ALREADY AND GET BACK TO THE STORY!)

Yeah… Where were we? Oh, right.

 

“D-don’t touch me,” Virgil growled finally snapping out of the trans he found himself to be in, which made the two of them stand In the middle of the walkway for like over five minutes, making the other pedestrians turn around just to look at them curiously. Roman sighed relieved, not knowing what he’d do if Virgil didn’t come back to him and continued to… was it even ‘daydreaming’ at this point? Roman didn’t know. It wasn’t something he’d like to experience again… Virgil just standing and looking through him eerily with a blank face, black bags under his dark purple eyes that shimmered deep ruby in the descending sun, giving this sickly unnerving aura of pure evil surrounding him and his slender body clothed almost only in blacks. It really freaked Roman out, to be honest, and he considered himself to be quite brave. Well, there goes his self-confidence. Just looking at Virgil in this state gave Roman chills.

“Yeah, sure, I totally get it!” Roman smiled reassuringly, taking slow steps towards the startled teen. Virgil noticed and took a step back before looking away. Roman stopped immediately.

“Just- Don’t- Go. Just go w-where you were going. I'm fine.”

“You su-“

“Yeah.” Virgil cut Roman off, sending him a cold stare and a wicked grin. Roman couldn’t help the shiver that got down his spine.

…

“What about this one, padre?”

“It’s the exact same sweater you’ve been holding onto just seconds ago, you dumbass.”

“No, it's not.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“No-“

“It's still warm where you held it!”

“So ignorant! You were supposed to help me, not complain!”

“I never said I would not, Sing-a-lot.”

“You're not helping me!”

“Just- This! Buy Patton this!” Virgil spun around and looked frantically to the sides, searching for something Patton would like and then his sight lingered a few seconds longer on a particular item which he then picked up and showed right in Romans face. It looked hilarious how the so much bigger Roman shrieked and backed off, unable to properly catch the thing Virgil literally threw at him, the younger one just standing there with a blush on his face and arms crossed as he looked away embarrassed. When Roman finally calmed down, he looked at the soft material in his hands.

A hoodie.

A cat-hoodie.

Oh, lords.

“Please, marry me.” Roman spurted out, hugging the jacket to his chest and spinning around happily as he already imagined how glad the present would make his Dad.

“Ew, no, thank you, Princey,” Virgil smirked, rolling his eyes at Romans antics. He wandered a few meters away, looking at the shelves of the store they have been inside for the past couple of hours. It had to be at least like, three, by now. (Well, not really, it was just an hour, but it sure felt like much more! Ever wondered if shopping with Roman was as bad as going shopping with a stereotypical woman? It was so much worse!) The only thing they managed to find being the cat-hoodie and a couple of ‘Steven Universe’ themed socks and ties for both of Romans dads. Virgil took a small black cube. He opened it revealing a nice ring, a dark grey zirconia-stone embedded in a tangle of thin black-silver wires looking like a net of tiny braids. He lingered his eyes just a while longer at the object in his hands, running his thumb over the fake stone before placing it back on the shelf and looking around some more while he walked through the aisle. Noticing Roman still gushing about that jacket Virgil smiled at Roman slightly, knowing the other wouldn’t be able to notice as he was still pretty much ‘lost in the moment’.

It was weird.

Roman was weird.

Virgil didn’t like him.

But he wasn’t THAT bad when you’ve got to spend some more time with this dork. Sure, he was pissing Virgil off every other minute, but what wasn’t? Roman was the fourth ever man alive that Virgil didn’t actually mind having around. While Patton was awesome just the way he was and Logan understood him like no one else, Re- … Eh… Roman was definitely the easiest to be around. He is no better than the others, no, actually, he liked him the least out of the four, but he had this ability to make Virgil feel alive once again.

Just try to understand it, while Patton was always really sweet and nurturing, it wasn’t… something Virgil needed at the moment. Sure, the kid needed the love and attention he never really got to experience, but it simply wasn’t the right time for it, especially when Virgil had problems with showing he is hurt and needs help… The hugs and kisses and warm words were only messing with Virgil's head for the moment, unsure if he could trust the man and believe him or just go with his instincts making him second-guess everything and everyone who was remotely nice in fear of being used and crushed once again.

Logan… Was something else, to simply put it. While he never really showed that he could be driven by strong emotions that easily and snap at the teen or anyone else for that matter, Virgil actually feared this silent and intelligent man, that seemed to be always knowing what to say or what to do to achieve what he wanted… Kind the men Virgil always tried to stay away from, knowing better than this from his experience.

Re-

Roman… Roman was much more simple than the other three. Roman was everything Virgil despised in himself for not being. Roman was proud of who he was, he wasn’t shy- always so confident of himself, geez, he was so handsome and perfect there's no wonder he carries around as if he was a demi-god or some shit! Roman was even fun and caring in his own… strange… way, he always managed to cheer Virgil up with his witty remarks and silly nicknames, never making Virgil feel overwhelmed by or threatened by him. Roman… Roman at times was so sweet and understanding it made Virgil feel lightheaded when the princely-boy brushed his hand along Virgils whenever the gloomy was feeling down, seeking the contact but never really initiating it in case Virgil wasn’t up for any of it. Roman never was too much for Virgil. His everlasting love for Disney and his dads just added to the list of the good sides Virgil saw in Roman… But that… It wasn’t all that… Virgil often found himself staring at Roman who sometimes had this emotionless stare in his eyes when he thought nobody was watching, that really intrigued Virgil to the point the teen wondered to ask what was all that about! And that was NOT something Virgil would usually do! The times when Princey came home so utterly tired and exhausted but happy, always pretending to be full of joy and energy whenever around his family was driving Virgil nuts at times. The times when Roman asked Virgil to keep his nightly escapades a secret from his dads in fear of... what? Disapproval? Disappointment? From what Virgil knew Roman wasn’t doing anything stupid, well, more or less stupider than normal, or illegal (that he didn’t really know actually, but he couldn’t imagine Roman breaking any law besides getting some speeding tickets even with all the skepticism Virgil's mind have been feeding off.) These dorks adored Roman and there was no way that whatever Roman had been doing at nights sometimes might make them not like him or something! Roman was so-

“Earth to the Marilyn Monrose. Were you even listening to me?” Roman poked Virgil at the cheek, which made Virgil turn his head around and snap at Romans finger with his wolf-like sharp teeth. “Yikes! Don’t ever do this again! You could have chopped off my fingers like butter!”

“That was the point, don’t poke me ever again.” Virgil huffed turning slightly pink at the prince standing in his face.

“Well, back to the point. I think we are finished with our business here. Wanna grab something to eat before we go back?” Roman asked, heading for the cashier-counter. Virgil followed him.

“I'm not hungry.” He whispered to himself, knowing well that even if Roman heard him he wouldn’t give a damn about it as he would just shove some meal down his throat once again if he had to. Roman chatted for a while with the cashier, then paid for everything and headed for the exit. Suddenly he stopped dead in his tracks, making Virgil head-butt his back.

“Ow! Watch what you're doing, Princey! You cant just stop like that and expect me to-”

“Oh shoot, I think I forgot those ties back at-“

“Yeah, go catch them before someone else will buy those ridiculously ugly pieces of-“

“You liked those, admit it.” Roman wiggled his brows at Virgil, ignoring his snared comment. Virgil just sighed but smiled nonetheless.

“Of course, I loved them,” Virgil smirked, making sure his voice was so full of sarcasm Roman wouldn’t be able to tell if Virgil really meant it. Which he did, actually, those ties were awesome!

“I'm just gonna grab them and catch up with you!” Roman ran off before Virgil even had the chance to protest. Sighing, Virgil spun around and walked out of the store.

“Moron.” Virgil smiled, feeling the cold breeze on his face and this strange warmth in the pit of his stomach.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually, few days after this one post where I talked about writing more and uploading stuff and so, my mother got kind of hospitalized, the Kidney stones really got back at her and I was practically left to take care of the house, aka. my younger siblings, meals, cleaning and so on while she was away with our father by her side... I usually would get some help from her but I was left alone on this again... Nothing really special, It's not a big deal, it was just that I was just so worried for my mother I was down all of the time... Worried and sad and so so tired from everything!  
> To make it worse a couple of months back our landlord that we were hiring a small house from with a promise of near-future purchase (he was our family-friend and said he'd sell the house the moment the bank would allow him to) took his own life and for as much as I respect that man, GOD let him rest in peace, he really hit us hard with that one..  
> But hey, we still got to live in the house, the ex-wife of our landlord took over and let us stay! Hooray! Yeah...  
> But going back to my mother, trying to knot everything into one big story...  
> Just a month back our landlord decided she would sell the house we currently live at a day after my mother got back from the hospital, making her feel much worse all again, making her get back at the hospital shortly after.  
> Which was really a douchy-move, this woman didn't even want to consider selling the house to us!  
> So we had one month to move-out... Which is like two weeks from now on.  
> Really stressed about all of this I became so depressed I wouldn't get up from the bed at times- fearing what should or could we do and stuff, but I had to help my parents so I just gritted my teeth and helped as much as I could, I searched for the new house, made many conversations with banks and lawyers and I was working my ass off extra-time to help them with some coin, and- I even had to delay me going to a University because of all this and do my part-time job full time, and-  
> It was much... Especially if you're like the only one that like, really, understands the language you're supposed to speak in the country you live in! I'm not the only one that can speak Swedish, but since we moved here a few years back my parent always relied on me with learning everything faster than them and making me their own private interpreter for everything and the go-to-in-case-of-need-person!  
> Literally, they would often get me out of school if they needed someone to go with them on important meetings or making police reports or simply calling over the guys from the internet-company or whatever it is called...  
> They always expected me to know this almost bureautic kind of language, which I gained over time with experience...  
> But yeah... So I was so stressed about finding some other place to stay because we cant just be thrown on the street, right?  
> Finally, I somehow managed to find some nice house to buy, which was like actually a couple of houses over from our current house, but then there were the problem with banks and papers and all this stuff and we had to ask for help from our friends as so on and-  
> Yeah...  
> Finally, we found someone who could help us with buying the house, we've won the auction and so on, but suddenly this one friend got seconds-guesses, like two weeks before we HAVE to move out and-  
> Yeah, my mind is racing so fast right now it hurts like hell...  
> But after hours and hours of distressed calls, liters of tears and all this stuff, it finally looks like the transaction is going to end well, but, shit, you never know what could go wrong and with our luck (or lack of it more like) everything could just fire back at us somehow... so until Friday (the day the buying-contract is supposed to be signed) I cant just relax and take it easy... This one chapter I had been writing in short intervals between my mental breakdowns so it probably is going to be garbage, but- I'm just so tired of everything I needed the change of pace and scenery, so I went to my room, locked myself in, blasted some music on my headphones and... yeah.  
> I just wish everything would be over already, that everything would just end, but... That's not how life works, right?  
> You all have al the right to be mad and angry at me for not uploading anything sooner, but I just... I couldn't even find the motivation to open my eyes in the morning let alone get up and procrastinate and do something I always thought I enjoyed before it made me go crazy at times because of that feeling in the back of my head whenever I looked at my laptop that was just mocking me for not writing anything...  
> And here I am... sitting at the 2:23 in the morning writing my ass off because I just couldn't bear the sight of my own empty word-file before my eyes whenever I would find some time to read the amazing stuff You guys wrote!


	23. 'Virgil motherfucking Morgan!'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, look who finally decided to post something!?  
> I, once again, want to ask for forgiveness from all of You, for the lack of updates from my side... but I had (and I know it's not a good enough explanation for any of my behaviour) some shit to deal in my life... 
> 
> Long story short, we moved into a new house, I started to study at a University and was able to keep my job, I don't feel any better mentally but at least I'm not as stressed as I was before (which is my usual mood tbh), I fought with Emily (my writer's block) and kind of won (kinda :P), and I'm going to a PRIDE PARADE this weekend :) I don't know how regularly I'm going to update, but I would guess Im going to update more and more the following weeks :) 
> 
> Once again, I just want to thank all of You for the words of encouragement and the understanding, it really did help me a lot, so that's a thumb up for all of You!
> 
> I just love all of You so much already, and I missed You so so so much!
> 
> Sincerely, Yours xoxo

”So… What would you like to eat, Stormcloud?” Roman asked as he sat across Virgil in one of the few dinner restaurants that were still open in the city at this ungodly hour. It wasn’t anything big, just a quiet little family restaurant a friend of Romans was managing.

“Stormcloud?” Virgil asked raising his brew at the new nickname.

“What would you like to eat?” Roman ignored Virgil's question with a roll of his eyes and a cocky smile. Virgil just sighed, unbothered by Romans antics at this point.

“I'm not hungry.” Virgil stated, crossing his arms on the top of the table they sat by, leaning down and laying his head on top of his hand turning slightly to the side.

“Virgil, we both know that I can and will make you eat just so I can get the medication in you, so don’t make it hard for both of us, and just tell me at least what the most enjoyable choice for you would be.” Roman sighed, looking at the menu. Virgil just groaned and shot a glance at the white decorative sheet of paper in front of him embedded in a plastic shirt. It took a while for Virgil to read through and decipher this bothersome cursive, but he found his pick at last.

“I'm fine with whatever, actually, but I guess I’d take some curry, I guess?” Virgil shrugged, avoiding Romans gaze. The other teen just smiled and called for the waitress standing by the counter talking to someone. It appeared to be a quite pretty girl with long brown hair and chocolate eyes, smiling warmly clothed in the Dinners uniform. 

“Hey Roman, you didn’t tell me you were coming today, or that you would bring a date as well!” She smiled, pointing at Virgil which just looked away, shying into the crook of his arms, uneasy being referred to by a stranger. Roman just laughed, simply shrugging the comment off.

“Hey, Valerie! Whats up? How are you doing? Oh, and this is Virgil, he is my… erm… well…frien-”

“I'm not your friend, Princey,” Virgil grumbled under his breath, smirking mischievously at Roman, shielded from Valerie's sight by a high vase with flowers standing at the table. Roman huffed offended, gasping at Virgil. Valerie just giggled enjoying the conversation in front of her.

”Who are you to Roman, then… Virgil?” She asked, looking directly at the brooding teen. Virgil tensed a little, feeling judged by her warm eyes when in reality she was just curious for who he actually was. For as long as she knew Roman, he never actually went out with anyone but Julian, herself and some of the kids from the Theatre.

“Well… I'm- I'm just this one stranger that- that just happens to know his parents.” Virgil huffed out, looking anywhere but at the two by his table. The girl, Valerie, looked like a nice person, but Virgil could never be sure. The smile that resided on her face could always hide some sinister thoughts and the now warm and gentle gaze of hers could always turn ice cold, almost menacing, her intelligent eyes piercing Virgil through reading him like an open book. Ugh. Strangers made Virgil so uneasy…

“Oh, you know them as well? Are you going to school with us, perhaps? I never saw you in the corridors?” She asked joyfully, furrowing her brows as she tried to recall seeing Virgil's face before. Before Virgil knew, the girl sat beside Roman, placing her chin in her hands, staring at Virgil expectantly, which made the said teen move a couple of inches away from her prying self. Virgil looked down at his hands, feeling himself get more anxious by the minute, his heart rate picking up quite a beat. Clenching the fabric of his jacket over his heart with his trembling hand, Virgil excused himself and stood up, walking over to the toilets by the exit. It was definitely too much human interaction for the anxious teen in his current both mental and physical state. He began to feel dizzy and quite nauseous, as the ringing in his ears silenced everything but the rush of his own heart, dancing and beating in a regular and familiar pattern- meaning, too fast to be considered healthy. Ignoring the worried look Valerie sent him or Roman calling his name, Virgil entered the bathrooms, immediately locking himself in one of the stalls, fidgeting with the lock for a bit before he managed to turn the damn piece of plastic. As his breathing picked up faster, he slid down the wall of the stall, the cold from the white, porcelain tiles burning his heated skin as he made the contact with the wall. Seeing dark spots dance and cover his vision, Virgil closed his eyes and concentrated on the breathing pattern Logan taught him a while back.

“Well, you know what? I think we should in fact go… Virgil’s… Virgil is… I mean-Ehrm- We… we’re taking some curry and spaghetti, Val. Could you, pretty please, pack some of it so we can take it out? I get a feeling it’be for the best if we would head home for now.” Roman sighed, casting worried glances in the direction of the bathrooms, visibly worried over his companion.

It certainly wasn’t something Valerie associated with one of her best friends.

Roman, the most energetic, flamboyant, proud and confident person she ever has met looked now so… Anxious and uneasy, worriedly glancing between her and the back of the restaurant as if his life depended on it. It was so different than what she was used to seeing at school she wouldn’t even believe, not even a little (!), if anybody told her that Roman Sanders would look so small and weak and humble by just standing there! It was so unlike him she even pinched herself to see if she was maybe dreaming, only to discover that it actually was true and Roman really looked like a really unhappy dog waiting for his owner to come back to him after a long day at work…

The waitress sent Roman a reassuring smile and nodded, scribbling their order down on her notepad, heading straight back to the kitchen. Meanwhile, Roman followed in Virgil's footsteps- unable to wait any longer feeling the need of checking on his very own sulky teen.

At first, everything was so quiet in the bathroom Roman wondered if he even entered the right one, but by double-checking the markings on the door he was rather convinced that he choose the men’s bathroom, being rather certain that Virgil thought of himself as a boy. Walking over to the sinks Roman looked over the mirrors, but the only one he was seeing was he himself, standing there alone, on his own. Confused, he began to turn away and look in the other bathroom in case Virgil missed the signs at the doors, almost missing the quiet but erratic breathing coming from the stalls nearest the back of the room, almost immediately recognizing it as rather distressed Virgil.

While the teen heard from his fathers that Virgil would sometimes feel anxious and fall into a panic attack, he never was there to see it with his own eyes to know how to attend to Virgil in case of such event. It was new for him, hearing the way Virgil's breath would sometimes be caught in his throat, cut short and shallow, scaring Roman out of his mind. Roman could only imagine Virgil's body tremble, the occasional shiver running down Virgil's spine make him cringe and flinch unwillingly, trying his best to curl in a small ball in the corner of the room… Running his hands through his hair that would have fallen in front of his face shielding him from the outside world, the fringe successfully hiding the so painfully beautiful eyes filled with terror, turning the once bright amethyst irises into two deep and dark bottomless holes filled with nothing but void just as all the light from the lamps on the ceiling would cast at Virgils pale and sweated skin- _What should he do?! Should he talk to Virgil? Should he call his dads?! SHOULD HE-?!_

Meanwhile, Virgil still felt so bad he wanted nothing but to curl into a ball on the floor and cry rather than go back to the dining hall and socialize with people there, but noooo… He just had to be even more anxious about breaking down in the bathroom stall while Roman still waited for him! In Virgil’s understanding Roman would most probably get annoyed with him for all the waiting and inconvenience Virgil would cause him and snap at him, so he sucked it up the best he could and decided that if he would have to break down somewhere, it would be at that room back at the shelter instead. He just had to stay sane until then, which was… so… so hard… Virgil still felt like shit, like he was about to collapse and faint, but he just couldn’t let himself do just that. To just lie there and break down. He just couldn’t…

He was still trembling, his hands shaking so much he had to clench them in fists and hide in the pockets of his jacket.

His jaw, so spent it was hurting him, teeth biting hard into the flesh of his cheek, trying to keep himself from groaning and whining from the discomfort he felt.

His eyes jumping around, unable to focus on a single object for too long, his eyelids fluttering shut nervously.

Only being able to whisper without his voice breaking mid-sentence because of all this anxiety that devoured him from the inside.

And all that…

Because of a stranger.

God.

He was so pathetic.

Swallowing down another silent sob, Virgil forced himself to stand up and go back there, stopping dead in his tracks as he saw Roman standing in the middle of the bathroom looking around every corner of the room.

“What are you doing here, Princey?” A familiar voice asked Roman, snapping him out of his dark thought. He spun around only to face the anxious teen.

“V-Virgil? I- I thought-“ Roman sputtered, pointing towards the bathroom stall, that now apparently was empty as the open doors revealed nothing but the toilet seat.

“Oh, that… It was… nothing.” Virgil whispered with a surprisingly calm voice for someone who supposedly went through a panic attack mere minutes ago, but the rather long pauses between the words gave away the struggle with which Virgil spoke making Roman quite worried.

“I'm gonna head back, Princey.” Virgil managed to state rather calmly, looking down at the ground, suddenly far more interested in the tiles on the floor rather than sending the teen in front of him some witty remarks. Roman reached for Virgil, managing to get a hold of his hoodie, but letting it go as the teen suddenly pulled away startled, scared. His eyes blew wide open, staring right in Romans face, the fear and anxiety showing off clearly, as the teen was too much caught off guard to catch up hiding it. Roman gulped heavily, putting his hands up in surrending motion, his eyebrows skyrocketing high.

”Sorry- I get it! No touching!” Roman hastily assured. Virgil breathed out spastically, hugging himself tightly, taking a step back away from the energetic boy.

“Ye-yeah. No tou- no touching.” Virgil breathed out, his panic slowly passing through his attempts to hide it.

“We’re going back, okay?” Roman asked.

“Please,” Virgil whispered.

 ____

 

 ** _But what if I actually didn’t get into any of the classes? What if Logan was wrong? Is it even possible for Logan to be wrong? But what if I actually had to retake this stupid exam? What if everyone will bully me because I skipped classes? What if I'm not good enough? What if someone there already knows me? What if I- What if I slept with that person and they will tell everyone about- What if they will somehow know I didn’t go to school since-_** Virgil thought to himself, worrying his lip between his teeth, the dread of the next day making him restless, mind jumping wildly from one thought to another seemingly without any connection yet still concerning one and the same subject… Virgil, as anxious as he could be, worried the whole way back to the shelter, (since the time Roman had walked back to the store) about what was yet to come, hereby, school.

It was…

Horrifying, honestly.

Every unknown possibility or piece of information Virgil didn’t have made his whole body stiffen with worry and negative energy as if he was some sort of a magnet for negative thoughts.

Which considering his nature… sounded about right.

As his thoughts raced in his mind, Roman watched the teen tremble and focus on something really hard, staring into space for quite some while already… To Roman it was all clear- Virgil was yet again worrying over something, the signs of it being actually quite obvious… To make everything ten times worse, watching the teen work himself up over something, most probably school related, made Roman feel uneasy and anxious himself… It was this strange feeling of worry and helplessness that lingered in the back of his mind, tugging at the strings of what Roman thought was his soul, make him want to cheer the teen up somehow… To just see him smile, or at least smirk once again, and to see his beautiful eyes shine and sparkle with happiness, to just reach over this one strand of hair that would occasionally fall out of order… And to just touch it ever so gently and to just sweep them behind his ear, before he would just lean in and- And for the lack of better options, Roman decided to distract Virgil in an only way he knew… Through being awkward. Duh.

 “So… Erm… I wondered… If you would be… okay… if I… sleptwithyouinthesamebedtonight!” Roman started asking his question slowly, (watching Virgil snap back to reality in an instant!) making pauses long enough to make Virgil both annoyed and curious to what he was going about this time until he just splurted (is it even a word or did I come up with it? XD) the last part on one breath without the necessary stops between each word. Good thing Virgil was often found himself doing the same exact thing, so he actually was able to understand what Princey was on about without even having to try to decipher this mess of a sentence.

But after hearing and processing Romans question… Well… It certainly wasn’t what Virgil would have guessed he’d hear from him at the moment. Roman… Asking him to sleep with him? ** _No. Fucking. Way._**

“What?” Virgil asked dumbfounded, frowning at the visibly embarrassed teen in front of him. The blush on Romans face only deepened, the boy’s gaze flickering around the almost empty lunchroom.

Right after the two of them made it back to the shelter, like, half an hour prior (not before apologizing to Valerie for the sudden leave of course) Roman seated Virgil at one of the tables in the eating area of the facility they currently were at. It was a rather big place with nicely painted walls, plain linoleum-floor, high railing and big windows partly covered by plain curtains, blocking the view at the garden-park-like-square off from them. Yeah… It looked exactly like it sounded- like some mental health facility or some shit, which Virgil didn’t pass on pointing out the moment the two of them entered. When they finally got seated in the corner of the room, far far away from the windows for some unknown to Roman reason, he made sure Virgil ate the food he bought for him, just so he could give him the medicine Patton entrusted him with. It took unsurprisingly quite some time, considering that the Broody-one was moving the food around the plate from one end of to another and back, sporadically picking on the vegetables and meat before hesitantly raising the spoon to his mouth and swallow the food on it with a frown. Virgil was eating so painfully slow it made Romans hands twitch to just take up the spoon himself and shove it right down Virgil’s throat yet again! When he asked if Virgil just didn’t like the food or something, that Gloom just sends him an unamused glare and continued to ‘eat’ without saying a word back to Roman.

Well…

It was until Roman decided to ask him a question.

“I mean, would you… friendoooo… let me sleep… with you… together… in one bed?” Roman repeated, this time more slowly, gesticulation with his hands lively. Virgil just cocked his head to the side, dumbfounded.

“…And that is because…?”

“…”

“Princey?”

“…becauseIdon’thavemyplushieMrs.FluffybottomathomeandIcan’tsleepwithouther.” Roman once again muttered under his breath at the ungodly speed, blushing so hard he had to turn his head away in order to keep some of his dignity, making Virgil smirk at the suddenly shy teen.

TO WHAT LENGTHS did Roman have to go in order to make Virgil feel better?! HOLY MACARONI, PINK PANTS AND A BOOTLE OF BEER! (Wait, nobody gets the reference? Oh, right, it’s just me and my family xD )

“Hmmm… What about… no.” Virgil hummed quietly, finishing his meal and swallowing the pills Roman left for him earlier on a napkin next to his plate.

“But why not?!” Roman cried.

“But why yes?!” Virgil replied, mimicking Romans offended prince noise.

“You slept with both of my fathers?! Why can’t you sleep with me as well?!” Roman shout-whispered, too late noticing how wrong it sounded, grimacing at how these words felt on his tongue. Bitter.

“Roman-“ Virgil sighed, “-it’s not that- It’s not because of you- I- I mean- I-“ Virgil fidgeted with his fingers, his ever so cocky and sassy towards Roman only attitude faltering, suddenly turning into much more serious tone, making the princely teen look back at him in curiosity despise the embarrassment.

Truth be told, Roman wasn’t expecting Virgil to let him sleep with him, but neither would he guess that Virgil would get so… antsy bitsy about it either.

The way Virgil’s shoulders were dropped down, his slender figure slumped upon himself, shying away from Romans gaze… His arms trembling slightly, his eyes turning dull and black, looking down at the floor, hiding behind his fringe… Sitting as far away from Roman as possible, yet still within arm’s reach.

Virgil was, surprise, surprise, anxious.

But anxious, because…?

Oh.

Oh, shoot.

“Well- just because of your ex- Wait- No! That’s not what I meant! You don’t have to be so- No! I just- I’ve got my reasons too to- Virgi, wait- You could- Stop- just- Wait!- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it this way, I swear, Virgil.” Roman turned to the teen, placing his free hand on the table, towards Virgil, as he recalled why Virgil was here in the first place, trying his best to apologize for his ignorance, failing miserably.

Virgil Kieran Morgan.

A true pain in the ass… in Roman's opinion.

A hell of an uncultured and disrespectful mess, yet still sweet and loving at times… in Roman's opinion.

A victim of domestic abuse.

 

Shon (I literally called him Shane in the last chapter, which I didn’t notice until like last week when I reread it, so I apologize for that. Shon and Shane is one and the same person!) fucking Something.

A corrupted police officer with no pride nor the right to call himself a real man… in Roman's opinion.

A deceitful scumbag and asshole, a truly horrible person… in Roman's opinion.

An abusive boyfriend.

 

It should be so… obvious for Roman that Virgil wouldn’t be comfortable around men if the mental state of his and the literal scars were anything to go by…

For Virgil, trusting Patton and Logan enough to be comfortable around them and show himself at his most vulnerable of times, sleeping soundly and feeling safe enough to be able to relax around them, was one thing- But Virgil feeling as safe around Roman, considering the point in their almost nonexistent friendship (which Roman didn’t even know if he could call that as any kind of a relationship at all) was another.

It wasn’t given that Virgil had to act the same around him. Roman was nor Patton nor Logan… There was a whole another meaning behind the… thing… going on between the two of teens… and he had to adjust to the situation if he wanted Virgil to feel comfortable around him.

Virgil flinched away.

Roman felt so, so bad.

It just-

It wouldn’t do.

That’s not how his mother and his two Dad’s (Logan and Patton) raised him.

“Virgil, look-“

“Roman, stop. I… I don’t want to hear it.” Virgil just whispered, then excused himself from the table and walked out of the kinda-cafeteria.

“Well, you’ve managed to scare him away, you idiot… at least he doesn’t worry over whatever he worried before, because now he can just be angry at me!” Roman spat at himself, sighing and slamming his head against the table, startling the other people sitting nearby with the loud thud that came from the collision of his forehead and the table.

How in the whole world Roman somehow always managed to say the wrong thing to Virgil?

It was as if the Universe didn’t want the two of them to be friends! Roman tried. Like legit tried. And hard too. Really hard, just to make the Broody one feel welcomed and appreciated, but SOMEHOW it always would be the other way around, that it seemed he didn’t want Virgil here or even near him!

Sure, they had a rocky start, but they already made up for it the other day!

The whole incident that ironically was about sleeping with one other as well, was already forgiven and forgotten!

Well…

Maybe it was Karma?

Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be?

Maybe-

Roman didn’t even notice the moment he stood up and followed in Virgil’s footsteps, entering the plain room with Virgil already in pajamas, laying on one end of the bed.

As Roman mindlessly left the shopping bags by the wardrobe and begun to take off his shoes, Virgil watched the teen go around with his head dropped low, his movements tired and sloppy, unfocused on the world around him. Because of unknown to himself reason (sure Virgil, tell yourself that), watching Roman so low and different from his extroverted attitude, the teen came to the conclusion that it was probably because of his irritated response before. It wasn’t Virgil’s fault that he felt like he did, but it wasn’t in any way a reason to snap at Roman like that… Now as he watched the usually happy and bright teen go all gloomy and brooding around, he couldn’t even focus on the voice of Sam rambling about school in the corner of his mind quite lively and loudly, as guilt tugged at his nonexistent heart…

As if Virgil didn’t already have too much to feel anxious about, now he had to feel guilty for his bitchy behavior from before as well, which was an occurrence so rare it should get itself its own holiday because of it!- he bit his lip and sighed, not believing himself he actually considered-

“…incey. Princey. Is there anyone home?” Virgil asked, sitting up, looking at Roman with a somewhat amused look not really meeting his eyes, smiling slightly and shyly.

“Yeah?” Roman hummed tiredly. It was a long day, okay?

“C’mere.” The raven-haired beauty patted the spot beside him gently.

At first, Roman just stared dumbfounded, surprised and at a loss for word… which lasted about five minutes, until Virgil rolled his eyes, and grabbed Roman by the sleeve of his jacket, tugging slightly.

“Don’t make me regret it, Sir-Sing-a-Lot,” Virgil smirked and cocked his eyebrow as Roman finally snapped from the surprised state and jumped eagerly at the mattress aiming for the spot beside the teen. Virgil tried to muffle his laughter as Roman actually jumped over the bed, who would most certainly land face first on the floor if not for Virgil that still held Romans jacket between his fingers, pulling Roman back into the safety of the furniture.

”Geez, take it easy, Princey,” Virgil smirked, laying down on his side, his back turned to Roman.

Embarrassed, blushing so hard he could literally feel the heat rising up his neck, cheeks and ears, Roman laid down next to Virgil, happy that he could hide his slightly redder face than usually from the brooding sulking mess in front of him.

“May I?” Roman whispered after a minute of silence, his hand hovering over Virgil’s waist as he scooted a little closer to the other male.

Virgil bit his lips, unsure.

_Roman was a good guy…_

_He… wouldn’t harm you…_

_Wouldn’t use us in any way…_

**_He… wouldn’t… right?_ **

“Sure, whatever,” Virgil whispered, embracing himself for any inappropriate or harmful touch in case he somehow misjudged the teen and he wasn’t as good and nice as had Virgil thought up until this point…

But Roman only covered both of them with the pink blanket and laid his arm gently over Virgil, hugging him from behind, hiding his face in Virgil’s neck and the soft raven hair.

Usually, the oh so close contact with another man would often disgust and even terrify Virgil at times, the memories of his past clawing back at him whenever a stranger was invading his personal space, but he had to admit that somehow Roman made him feel safer than ever. It was… strange… and it worried Virgil because as much as he disliked Roman, he had to admit that he totally was his ty-

**_Oh, shit._ **

Suddenly, Virgil began to worry over not only school, the nerves eating him inside out as he worried over every what if, but about the boy right behind him, currently hugging him as well!

**_WELL, FUCK ME! WAIT, NO, THAT’S NOT WHAT I-_ **

Virgil couldn’t help his heart rate rise as he felt the strong arms embrace him even tighter, the contact of his skin against Virgil’s waist where his hoodie has rolled up and revealed tiny bits of his body spread pleasant shivers down his spine. His breath hitched, blood rushing to his cheeks, heart pounding loud in his ears. Virgil pressed further back into Romans' arms unknowingly, not even noticing when he pressed his ankle between Romans legs, entangling them innocently. Roman just hugged him more tightly, placing a lazy peck on the back of his head he hoped Virgil wouldn’t notice.

Surprise, surprise, he did.

Ignoring all the butterflies that currently had some kind of a party in the pit of Virgil’s stomach, he cursed at himself for letting his guard down enough for this idiot to snuck through the high wall of sarcasm, sass and self-preservation he once had tried so hard to shield himself off with from the world around him.

While Virgil did recognize the strange feeling spreading through his whole being, he certainly wasn’t any happier for that matter as it only would harm him in the long run…

Oh, yeah, Virgil had to find some time soon to reflect upon his *feelings*… To just- Shove them back (?) to where they came from (?) and just hope they’d disappear or something? **_Yeah, sounds like a good plan._**

But, despite everything…

“It feels really nice.” Thought both of teens, as they drifted peacefully off into sleep.

 ____

 

”I hope we are upon the agreement of never talking about any of this, EVER again.” Roman almost spat as he smothered his hair back in place, blushing and averting his gaze away from Virgil, the just as embarrassed teen.

“You’ve got it, Princey,” Virgil confirmed almost immediately, clenching his fists on the fabric of the blanket the both of them were enwrapped in mere minutes ago.

The thing the both of them so desperately wanted to forget was waking up in each other's arms- Virgil sleeping with his face embedded in Romans bare, naked chest; hugging him tightly not only with his arms but legs as well as his left leg was sprawled over the top of Romans crotch. Roman, on the other hand, was hugging Virgil like an oversized Teddy bear, clutching to the fabric on the back of Virgil’s pajamas with one hand, the other entangled in Virgil’s hair.

The first one to wake up was surprisingly Roman, but while he acknowledged he was holding someone in his arms while sleeping, he didn’t recognize this person as Virgil, so he just hugged him more tightly ready to fall asleep once again, in turn waking Virgil up and sending him into a panic attack as he felt someone’s hands roaming his body without his consent.

It surely was a hell of one way to share the limited space of the bed between the two boys.

It was so embarrassing for the two, they almost immediately came up with not mentioning this event ever again, as if their lives depended on it in some strange way.

As the both of them just sat there in the awkward silence, each of them refusing to look at the other, Romans phone was suddenly buzzing startling the two teens. Romans head snapped to the side at the nightstand by the bed, reaching for the device faster than Virgil even acknowledged and recognized the sound as a tune from the intro of the “Fairly odd Parents”.

“Well…” Roman begun, checking the screen and switching off the alarm clock. “…looks like we have to get up and get ready for school.

____

 

“Virgil motherfucking Morgan! You fucking asshole! What the hell do you think you’re doing, you piece of shit?!” A loud voice echoed through the almost empty hallway as Virgil entered the school building with Roman by his side, drawing their attention to a now running towards them teen. Roman looked quickly over at Virgil, confused as of how the person knew Marilyn Monroose’s name, until he was shoved to the side quite violently. He stumbled, jumping from one foot to another, trying to remain his composure as he heard a quiet shriek behind him. He snapped around immediately, almost losing his balance, and froze in place entirely, watching the scene in front of him unfold.

Roman barely managed to blink as Virgil was tackled down to the ground by no-one else but one of the biggest rebels and troublemakers in the entire school (or even whole city!), one of his actually not so many friends…

Remy Picani.   


	24. 'Fuck off, when I say I didn't know I MEAN IT YOU DUMBASS.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to a certain reader of mine that, apparently, thought that robbing a BANK WAS A FRIGGIN GOOD IDEA!  
> "Morality, get the effing back!"

Remy Picani

A tall and well build male with dark brown hair, chocolate eyes that Virgil knew so well but were hidden behind black aviators despise no need for them inside the building, his face and actually the top half of his body (which very few knew) covered in freckles, clad in black leather jacket, a bright red Steven Universe themed shirt and skinny jeans and dull grey converse.

A guy that had the ability to fall asleep whenever and wherever he wanted.

A guy that once outran the best athlete in the cross-country team just because he got a memo that if he’d win he’d get a limited edition cup from st@rbucks from the coach.

The same guy that after he’d won that cup laughed the said coach in the face and refused to join the team just because he was too lazy apparently.

And this man had the name of...

Remy Augustine Picani.

A male so sassy, arrogant, mean and wicked it sometimes outmatched even Virgil’s unsteady mind.

A person that Virgil once knew as his best, and only friend, that he had no right to call as one, but he did anyway because the other always fought him on this.

A person that helped him live through his abusive boyfriend, that would cheer him up at his lowest and soothe his nerves, insecurities and patch his wounds up every time they would meet at the construction site Shon left him off to to sometimes help him work on some voluntary work besides his usual job at the police station.

A person Virgil tried to protect but couldn’t.

\---

It was a rather warm day that day and Virgil was sore all over his body from… his nightly… bed adventures… with Shon. He hardly had any energy left to lift the paintbrush in his hand as he swayed from side to side standing high on a ladder, trying his best to stay conscious as he tried to cover the iron heads in paint in the same color as the wall he had previously hammered some nails into. His whole body was shivering, covered in cold sweat, black spots interrupting his vision and making him feel so dizzy he was sure it was only a matter of time before he’d pass out.

Virgil took one deep breath after another as the way of nausea suddenly hit him. He tried to climb down, but as he tried to place his foot on the lower rung of the ladder he slipped, suddenly losing his footing and falling down.

As Virgil was already convinced he would die from the fall, with his luck (or the lack thereof) he would hit his head so hard his skull would crush and his brain ooze from every possible opening, or his neck would just snap and break as he would land in an unfortunate position and the pressure would just shatter his bones or that…

Well, the possibilities were there… Except… None of it happened.

“Woah! Watch where you’re falling, gur-!” a familiar to Virgil's voice sounded above him as strong arms enveloped him and held in the air. ”-Wait?! Don’t tell me that that's what that old bag meant?!” The person suddenly shouted, hugging Virgil tightly to their chest, jumping up and down. “-Oh. MY.FUCKING.GOD.GURL!” They shouted, laughing loudly.

“What the- P-please, let me d-down, n-now.” Virgil stuttered through clenched teeth as he tried to calm himself from the shock of the fall and the boisterous person holding him.

“Oh, right, sorry gurl- But, COME ON! That witch was fucking right!” The person yelled jumping up and down after they let Virgil down to the ground.

“What the fuck are you t-talking about?” Virgil sighed running his hand through his thick hair, taking a step away from this obviously crazy person. It took quite a while for the two of them to calm down, thou because of two different reasons. Virgil, because of the suddenness of everything as well as his anxiety, Remy because of the gittines and warmth he was feeling inside.

Remy- He couldn’t believe his eyes. When he had gone to the local witch for a future-reading one of his friends was nagging him about, he didn’t believe the strange looking child-like woman’s word to have any kind of value or truth behind when she said that his soulmate “would fall from the sky for him”… But look now- What happened? A FUCKING LIVING MALE FELL FROM THE FUCKING SKY AT HIM! It really couldn’t be more literal when he thought about it.

The male in front of Virgil spun around on his heel to face Virgil, he took one deep calming breath and practically shoved his hand in front of Virgil.

“Remy Picani, your soulmate.”

\---

“Whoa, gurl, look at you! You look terrible! What happened?” Remy gasped as he watched Virgil walk towards the bathrooms limping slightly, swaying from side to side, avoiding to put any pressure on his left leg. Even thou it seemed that Remy was the only one to notice, to him it was clear as day the teen really tried to not show how much in pain he was.

Virgil didn’t even as much as flinch at Remy’s remark and just continued walking slowly, focused on his own thoughts. Remy cursed under his breath and jogged to the tall boy that looked as he might faint at any moment, stretching out his arms just in time to catch the dizzy teen.

”R-Rem?” Virgil stuttered, turning his head slightly to look at Remy. The teen had busted lip, a dark bruise alongside his chin and finger marks around his neck. It looked as if one tried to strangle the poor boy but stopped halfway for some unknown reason. It pained him greatly, surely not as much as it hurt Virgil, but still, the picture of his beloved hurt like that again was making him shake with rage. One would think that after seeing Virgil so hurt so many times already he would have at least get used to seeing the purples and reds scattered on the teen's body, but every time he did, waves of nausea would hit him. Still, despite everything bad, Remy was just happy Virgil was still alive. Hurt, sure, but at least his heart was still beating.

”C’mere V. Let me look at these,” Remy whispered, shielding Virgil off with his body from the passing coworkers of theirs as they looked their way curiously. It only took a flipped bird from Remy and a snicker from one of the passerbys for the prying eyes to look away and head somewhere else. Remy took the teen’s face in his hand’s and lifted it, tilting it slightly to the side to look at the extent of the bruising that apparently was much bigger than he had previously thought. Remy cursed under his breath and took out a wet-wipe from the back of his jeans he recently began to take with him everywhere, beginning to wipe off the dried blood from his soulmate’s cut lip.

Virgil didn’t even notice.

It seemed as he didn’t really acknowledge anything happening around him at this point, as Remy watched him just stare blankly at one spot, seemingly daydreaming.

It just worried Remy much more than he dared to admit.

\--- 

“N-No, S-Shon, plea-please! L-Leave him! He didn’t-he didn’t do any-anything!” Virgil begged, kneeling down by the nearly unconscious man lying on the ground as he just got punched down after standing up to the police officer.

The tall, blond-haired man with a light brown tan and cold blue eyes walked towards the two, spitting at Virgil with disgust the moment he was near him.

“Shut up, whore.” The police officer warned Virgil, dragging his five fingers across the teens face, leaving a slap-mark so red, it already began to swell and turn slightly purple. To the policeman’s joy, not even a sound escaped Virgil’s lips, his eyes filled with terror… Just the way he liked the most.

But too soon his slut turned around as he heard the man behind him whimper in pain, as he held himself by his side, where Shon’s shoe connected with his ribs just mere minutes ago. Virgil patted the man gently, his hands roaming up and down the dark-haired man’s spine, asking him to get up and run away. Blood boiled within Shon as he thought about this fucking whore care for the fucking brat.  

“Get away from him, slut.” Shon growled, baring his teeth angrily as he watched Virgil attend the bruised man.

“Pl-please. Let him go, I-I b-beg of y-you! I’ll d-do any-anything, I-I s-swear!” Virgil cried out as Shon narrowed his eyes and cracked his knuckles.

“I said, get away from him, whore.” Shon tried again, but when Virgil didn’t move, the blonde grabbed the teen by the hair and pulled him, not caring about the angry slurs shouted at him by the man in black leather jacket and now broken, crooked sunglasses; nor the silent wheeping of the whore he now dragged towards the car Shon got here by. ”You’ll regret ever talking back to me.”

\---

“Virgil motherfucking Morgan! You fucking asshole! What the hell do you think you’re doing, you piece of shit?!” Remy shouted in Virgil’s ear, causing the teen to frown and grimace at the volume of his best friend’s voice.

“Get the fuck off me, bitch” Virgil growled, trying to escape the bear hug he suddenly found himself in, unsurprisingly, to no avail, with Roman staring at the whole ordeal, not quite processing the picture in front of him.

When Remy first came to school that day he was utterly bored, tired and pissed.

Bored, because, well… He always was bored when being at school, he didn’t learn anything new in particular since last year, so he just usually skipped through the lectures he had to retake because of one minor slip-up (not so minor as he got arrested by a certain police officer and accused of stalking and violence) last year the principal had to suspend him from the school for.

Tired, because of being bored and the lack of his usual order at Starbucks, obviously.

Pissed, because he dropped the said order when some fuck ran into him earlier that day.

But when he saw this teen- his Virgil- standing there at the end of the corridor as if nothing happened, completely random, out of nowhere, he couldn’t contain himself and he lunged at the male knowing well he would regret it. He just- he couldn’t believe his eyes!

Virgil! His Virgil! He was here, in front of him, in one piece, walking shyly next to some weirdo, but most importantly, alive. It was- It was so-

“Oh my god, gurl, I thought you were dead, I thought he killed you!” Remy cried, not caring about the tears running down his cheeks, that he was slowly suffocating Virgil or that he was causing him most probably pain. Running his hands up and down Virgil’s thin frame he searched for any new bruises, cuts, broken bones, anything he’d have to get patched up before his soulmate- Oh, wait, these didn’t look as fresh as they should if Sho-

Roman just stood there, still in shock, dumbfounded. He was so lost in what he was supposed to do while Remy hugged the hell out of Virgil, he barely could hear Virgil’s muffled by Remy’s jacket cry for fresh air and space. Before Roman could even get in-between the two, they already pulled away from each other, or rather, Remy let go off of Virgil.

“What are you doing here, Rem?”, “Where’s that fucker?!”

Virgil asked simultaneously as Remy growled, their mouths hanging low and wide open as they looked into each other’s eyes, disbelieving.

A strange feeling shoot through Romans chest, making his stomach twist and heart flutter. Was it… Was It jealousy Roman felt…?

“What am I-!? What are YOU doing here?!” Remy asked, smiling so wide and genuine it made Virgil smile as well, which made Roman only more uncomfortable.

“Well, about that…” Virgil started, but Roman had enough of just standing in the background, so he decided to step in, pulling Virgil up to his side.

“We’ve found him unconscious in the middle of the snowstorm, helped him, and now he’ll be going to school with me.” Roman finally spoke, specifically accenting the word “me” to point out that he was the one of charge of the teen, finding his tongue after a while as he held Virgil’s arm loosely. Not quite sure how to take this whole situation with Remy, Roman decided to make a point that Virgil was his friend as well. Or was he even…? Kind of. Right…? Yeah…

Remy just watched with a deep frown as Roman casually placed his arm around Virgil’s shoulder, but he burst laughing as his soulmate pushed Roman almost instantly off, hissing. “-Right, no touching!” Roman remembered, raising his arms up high away from the teen in surrending motion. Virgil just rolled his eyes and sighed, already out of energy to get through the day, not getting what the hell was wrong with the sudden change of Romans behavior. Remy just smiled, the edges of his lips curling upwards only slightly as he pulled Virgil a tiny bit closer to himself, away from the drama-queen Roman.

Virgil just sighed as he tried to fight the tears threatening to fall down his cheeks as he still couldn’t believe he was standing just by him, well and healthy.

“So, Roman, mind explaining how you found my Virgil?” Remy asked, crossing his arms over Virgil's chest as he hugged him from behind, spoking “me” with such feeling of possessiveness it startled Roman. Strangely, Virgil didn’t protest, which left Roman rather baffled considering Virgil’s last relationship. The teen just spun around and sighed in content as he burrowed his face in the crook of Remy’s neck, hugging him and grasping at the leather jacket.

“Yours?” Roman asked, thrown off by both Picani’s words and Virgil’s sudden display of affection. Wait- “How do you even know each other? I thought Virgil didn’t know anyone around here…”

”Because I didn’t-” Virgil cried muffled by the material of Remy’s jacket, sniffing.

”You biatch, you knew I lived around here, could have stopped by or something!” Remy suddenly gasped, not believing his ears, but still holding Virgil as near him as possible.

”Fuck off, when I say I didn't know I MEAN IT YOU DUMBASS.” Virgil flipped the bird at Remy, making the older teen look at him in disbelief.

”Wha- Wait- I don’t- I don’t get any of this, guys,” Roman whined, looking from one to another as they almost shouted at each other. ”Wait, didn’t Virgil come from… didn’t he came from… erm.. CC?-“ Roman slowly treaded, his eyes darting to the curve of Virgil’s waist, having difficulty to look away from Remy’s arms pulling Virgil closer to his chest, gently running his fingers through Virgil’s hair as he held him in his embrace.

“From YY.” Both Virgil and Remy said at the same time, smirking at each other knowingly after the two broke away from each other for a second, all of the harsh words previously said long by forgotten.

Roman just gasped, his offended Princey noises carrying through the half-empty corridor if not for a few half-dead-coffee-deprived-students-that-didn’t-give-a-fuck-about-anything.

“That’s not fair! You’re teaming up against me!” Roman whined, frowning as he watched Virgil ease up significantly in just a matter of minutes around Picani.

It was… A rather surprising picture, which… didn’t really sit well with Roman for some goddamn reason.

Roman never saw Virgil so… calm, relaxed and happy before, besides these few moments he’d sleep in his dads embraces, which wasn’t much to begin with.

Virgil never was laughing so much in such short span of time, and while Roman often bickered with the Emo-Nightmare, they never got around that playful “bad language” calling as his Dad referred to… Which made him wonder what did Remy do to get Virgil to open up to him so much?!

And yet here Virgil was, calling a seemingly stranger a “bitch” like it was nothing, like it was the most natural thing in the whole world… Clenching to Picani as if either's life depended on it.

And it confused Roman to no avail.

Everything was so fricking bizarre, the apparent reuniting of friends, Remy’s tears that now were long by dried, Virgil’s warmest smile Roman ever experienced, all of it!

But then Virgil sighed, his smile dropping significantly as he stepped away from the tall coffee lover, his back slouched and arms wrapped around himself as if he was freezing… Which maybe would be true considering how much he shivered, but Remy apparently knew better. Picani sighed, looking away from the two, biting on his lip.

“What happened?” Remy asked quietly, with such softness Roman was surprised the other was even capable of doing, but despite all that, the two words still made Virgil flinch and frown at the same time.

“I… I- I messed up. Again. I- I'm sorry Rem. I was so- so stupid. I- I didn’t think anything through. I-I just thought about Belle, and- I-I left. I’m sorry. So sorry.” Virgil muttered under his breath, taking a step back, fidgeting with his fingers, breaking them in and out of the joints, looking down at the boots Logan had bought for him recently. It sounded like the teen couldn’t catch a full breath, only getting a bare minimum of the air in and out, but with how much Virgil began to shake at this point it was almost impossible for anyone to tell.  

Roman looked over in Virgil direction, alerted by the distressed noises coming from the said teen. Taking the sight of crying and trembling teen in front of him, getting scared that Virgil might get a panic attack from how frantic his eye-movement was, how badly he was shaking or how he seemed to have difficulty with breathing and getting the words out of his mouth… Still, his mind had actually short-circuited, as at the same time, Roman’s head was trying to process what Virgil had just said… Belle… Who was Belle?

Was it someone he kne- Well, obviously, if he had thought about her, but-

Was it his fam-? No, it couldn’t be it, didn’t he say to Logan and Patton he didn’t have any family besides his parents?

Who- Who was this Belle?

Roman snapped out of thoughts as he noticed Remy embracing Virgil in a hug, gently petting his hair and back simultaneously murmuring quiet words of encouragement and sweet nothings under his ear. Virgil had by then started to ease up, his shaking subduing slightly with every stroke of Remy’s hand. 

What should Roman do now then?

He failed to help Virgil, forgetting about him just because he got confused by some stupid name.

What the hell was he even doing?! Virgil needed help, and-

Should he wait for Remy to calm Virgil down, or should he, Roman, do something too? Should he say anything? He-

He and Virgil had basically the same schedule with the exception of the honors and A.P classes, which made the two of them share… not so many class together as Roman had previously thought…

But the first one they had today was actually Homeroom class, which they would get late to if they soon didn’t start to get going, but on the other hand, Virgil needed some time to calm down…

Ugh, shit.

What should he do now?

Should he go get some help?

Should he call his parents or some other teacher?

And why didn’t he like the fact that Remy was so close with Virgil…?

“I’ve got you, my sweet Thunder Cloud. And I’m never letting you go. Ever again.” Remy smiled, and a cold shiver ran down Roman’s spine from this simple sentence.

Why…

Why did those words hurt so much?

What was that strange feeling in the pit of Roman’s stomach?

Why…

“Please don’t” Virgil smiled, his eyes shining brightly as he hugged Rem once again, breathing in the scent of fresh coffee and sandalwood, missing the sad gaze of Roman’s burning a hole in his back.

But Remy…

Remy didn’t miss that longing stare Roman was sending his soulmate, and for the first time ever, he thought about Roman as someone else than one of his friends.

Remy knew Roman since the Upper Highschool-

They were really close friends until Roman began to hang around Julian exclusively and focus more on the theatre and the other theatre-kids, rather than his old friends. Roman began to be busier and busier with school and hanging around the popular kids, forgetting about how he was playing cards on the floor of the man’s bathroom with Remy and Sebastian or the whole summers they spent together at the Summer Camp by the lake… Forgetting how…

Roman changed, but nobody else noticed.

And to Remy, Roman looking at Virgil this way…

He began to see the ever so flamboyant teen as a possible…

Problem.

Hopefully, Roman would never try to hurt his Virgil in any way…

Right?                                                                               


	25. A GAME FOR EVERYBODY

Well... Let's start with some explaining from my side.

This story... it's only at it's beginning, like, we are not even in the thir- fourths of the whole story I had planned (randomly fantasized about).

I do have certain.. like... milestones planned-  
Well, more like points in the story I already decided had to be included. These are like.. chapters I already have in mind, and with every day I have new idea that I then often discard because it's just feels.. meeeh... I guess...

But the other times I just keep adding on it and try to somehow... include it into the plot.

I most certainly have already planned the whole end of the story, the revealing of Virgils musical talent, some mentions of Virgil's parents and so on, and on... and on...

SPOILER ALERT (NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE ABOUT VIRGIL'S BIRTHDAY)

BUT!!!!!

I would like to ask You, what would You like to read in the future chapters!  
I mean, if You would like a certain event or something like that happen in the story, I would be more than happy to include You all in the making of this fic.

Of course, none of it (most probably) is going to change the course of this story, but I feel like it could be nice to know what You would like to read about!

So...

Feel free to request or suggest anything and I'll do my best, consider the prons and cons, place it somewhere in the storyline and do my best to write it!

I probably will thou change some thing here and there in Your suggestions just to fit it into the story, but that I would take already for granted without the need to explain why :)

Well...

What can I say more besides this...?

Oh, right, I really hope You'll like the idea as much as I do!

And don't forget to read the last chapter I posted yesterday!

Lots of love, XOXO, RandomCoil


	26. SHAMELESS ADVERTISING

Hello, my dear friends! I just wanted to introduce You all to my new Work- "In the World of Lies We live".

There are only character files out yet, but proper chapters should come out soon!  
If You want to know what kind of story it'll be, You have to check it out for yourself by clicking the link below!

[HERE](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16094048)

I'm not going to prioritize the new work over my beloved baby "The Death of a Violin", it is going to be updated as often, but I use it mostly as a "steppingstone" when Emily- my writer's block, decides to show up and I can't focus on writing all of the ways I could abuse Virgil and the other smol beans <3.

 

I hope all of You have a really nice day!

 

Love, RandomCoil


	27. 'And that should be enough for now.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, this chapter's... rather jumpy... and some of the stuff may trigger some of you.  
> It's... actually the first time I ever warned You all in a note for a chapter.  
> It's just-  
> If you are easily triggered by mentions of suicide attempt, please, you proceed at your own risk. 
> 
> There's also parts of the plot where I wrote only a little bit off of and just like... left it there...  
> You gonna get what I mean when You'll come to it... There will be a further look into these in the future chapters :)
> 
> Enjoy?

Virgil sighed, tired.

He never thought that going back to school would be so… exhausting.

Already after the first period Virgil had enough of this fucking place.

Roman was constantly babbling over his head about some shit Virgil never gave a fuck or ever would do about; Remy, whenever he saw Virgil, would hug him from behind and while it was nice, it quickly became overwhelming and irritating, especially when Roman out of some fucking reason began to try and do the same.

Sure, Virgil had missed Rem, especially when he thought he’d never get to see him again, but it just was… too much, for his fragile heart.

Remy was, is and most probably will always be Virgil’s best friend, someone that recently was more like a brother to him, almost.

Remy has seen him on his worst, as he lay passed out on the ground of a public bathroom where Shon had raped him mercilessly multiple times after he had beat him senseless only because another man said that Virgil was kind of cute and Virgil didn’t outright deny; and his best, as Virgil enjoyed his first sunrise with him, sitting on the edge of the construction site, bottles of vodka and antidepressants by their sides, holding their hands together as they cuddle under the open sky as the rays of the morning sun warms them the day Virgil tried to run away for the first time.

There were no ought right good days for the two of them, but they made it work, somehow.

Their happiest memories together would be considered by many as sad and depressing, but when the only time you can spend with the other person was where you were on the verge of death because of, a step from being pushed beyond your limits by people that should support you and take care of you, it wasn’t all that surprising.

The first real hug Virgil and Remy shared was preceded by a broken arm and a period of starvation.

Their first kiss resolved in getting Rem fired from the construction site the two of them worked as Shon got him kicked out of rage.

Their first time was followed by a failed homicide attempt at Remy.

A physical assault being the last time the two saw each other before Shon cut off every possible way of communication between the two.

 

The two of them, Virgil and Remy, had a history together.

A history neither of them really comprehended at the time.

Virgil, starved for a presence and touch of a person that would love and appreciate him for the way he simply was.

Remy, desperate to find his meaning of life, somebody to strife and care for as he struggled with his motivation to live.

Sure, he knew Rem thought Virgil was his soulmate and while it made him smile with this strange, giddy feeling in the pit of his stomach, he wasn’t sure if he ever would be able to… look at him the same way as he once did.

Him… Or anyone else for that matter.

It was already hard for Virgil, love was not for him, platonic-romantical-or any other. It just- It wasn’t meant for him and he knew that. He understood it soon after he got separated from Remy, that the thing going on between them was most probably something that was an act of desperation of the situation they found themselves in.

Virgil found someone that truly cared for him; Remy got someone to care for.

It wouldn’t be surprising if the two of them misunderstood all these feelings of acceptance and acknowledgment from another human being for love. Both of them were touch-starved, in different kind of ways, but still. It’d make sense that they would get all tangled up in those complicated life-screwing chemical reactions in your brain.

In his short, exactly eighteen years old existence, every attempt at the love he was making, some fucking karma for whatever horrible things he did in his previous life, would make sure to make him more miserable than he already was. If he was a fucking Dragon shapeshifting witch on a killing spree; or a hitman that killed not only because it was his work but for fun and personal matters, or a ballet dancer with bulimia and suicidal tendencies- Virgil didn’t know- he surely had done something awful and now it tried (and succeeded) in fucking up this life as well.

It all began with that-

With that- fucking excuse of a burglar.

If it wasn’t for that-

Everything-

Everything would be alright… RI- Right?

Since then everything just went downhill for Virgil.

His parents broke down mentally and suffered from the loss the most out of the three Morgans, their- their daughter died.

Their only child.

It was far worse than anything Virgil had ever suffered.

The fact that they may have **_slapped_** _beat senseless_ Virgil a **_couple_** _countless of_ times it, and that they **_didn’t notice him_** _straight ignored him_ at times… that he **_skipped a meal or two_** _was being starved,_ and sometimes **_preferred to sit alone in his room_** _was being constantly locked down in the basement or the attic,_ or that they **_maybe forgot about him while on a road trip in the forest_** _left him to die in a forest miles away from home…_ it… it didn’t really matter in the end.

It was more ** _painful_** _fun_ to them than to him ** _._**

It **_hurt them_** _hurt Virgil_ more than it was hurting **_him_** _them._

Yeah, since then everything went downhill for Virgil.

The only time Virgil let himself love someone else ended the same way, just as probably any other relationship would.

Granny died because of **_him_** _the sickness,_ and Virgil _**did nothing** couldn’t have done anything_. His **_pathetic_** _brave_ attempts at taking care of her ended just the way everything else ended. It was Virgil’s duty to **_take care of her_** _give her the love she deserved_ the last weeks of her life, not to **_fuck with strangers_** _try to get money to pay for her hospital bills._

Shon only **_tried to help_** _use_ him. It **_wasn’t_** _was_ Shon’s fault that Virgil just **_didn’t listen to him_** _became scared of him._ When Shon **_showed him love_** _raped him_ it was Virgil’s **_fault_** _right_ to not want him to be near. Virgil was so **_ungrateful that he didn’t trust Shon_** _stupid do believe him in the first place_ and now the policeman will kill him because he **_betrayed him_** _ran away to save his own life._

And then came Remy.

And Patton and Logan, and hell, even Roman.

Everything happened so quickly, without a warning and it was a miracle Virgil didn’t frea-

Wait.

Wa- Yeah.

He-

He’s freaking out right now, isn’t he?

Clenching his fist around the material of his hoodie, Virgil looked around in search of Remy or even Roman, knowing the two would be somewhere around since the two had constantly bugged him the whole day. He started to panic as he couldn’t find them, lately, it became too difficult for the teen to manage the stress and anxiety on his own and it scared him even more.

Since Patton and Logan started to guide him through in their own special ways, the teen subconsciously began to seek their presence instead of crying his non-existential heart out on the tiled floor of his shared with Shon bathroom like he once would do.

Well, now it would be more like, crying alone on the floor of his room in the shelter or in the Sanders’ house, but whatever.

He looked frantically to his left, and then to his right. Somehow nor of the two boys could still have been seen, making Virgil almost feel guilty that he got overwhelmed by the two earlier this day.

His breathing hitched up, the air catching in his throat as he covered his mouth with his other hand, the first one still clenching his jacket in a steel grip, his knuckles turning all white from the sheer force. As he started to hyperventilate, he quickly got lightheaded and black spots started to swam his vision, making him unable to tell what was happening around him anymore, the only visual he remembered being all those prying eyes staring right at and through him.

Blood started to rush through his veins and the only thing he could hear besides his own throbbing with pain and unease heart were whispers all around him. He couldn’t see who were the people, but he could hear all of them whispering, making fun of him, already spreading rumors about the **_whore_** **_that he was_**. **_How did they even know? Did somebody tell them? Was it really so easy to see? Was all this filth really showing off? Was-_** _Go left._

Not questioning Sam’s request, Virgil compelled and turned sharp left, blindly following the clear and loud voice in his head.

It was a thing.

No matter what was happening around him, Sam’s voice was always the loudest and the clearest he could hear. Virgil knew he didn’t really ‘exist’ in a sense of a physical body, but the part of his consciousness felt too real to just ignore.

Sure, it mostly tried to get Virgil dead, his comments more often bringing thoughts so deprecating Virgil sometimes wanted nothing but to hang himself, but there were times where this voice was the only thing keeping him alive.

It was almost like a reverse Russian roulette of some sort.

Five times out of six he’d try to kill you. Just for fun, or… any other sick reason the voice wanted him dead, really.

The one time left, he actually- genuinely tries to help you, out of…? Was it even guilt at this point? Pity? Self-preservation maybe?

It was their own little game the two of them engaged in involuntarily… and Virgil didn’t know if he should or shouldn’t engage in it.

_Continue going straight for another 10 feet and turn right._

He did.

**_One, two, three, four, five, six-_ **

**_One, two, th-_ **

**_O-_ **

_Turn right now._

Virgil compelled, and as fast as he felt a wall in front of him he almost threw himself at it and followed left, sliding down as he felt himself stop by a corner.

As fast as he sat down, he noticed how badly he was shaking, feeling his arms and legs tremble uncontrollably as he held his head down between his knees, gasping for breath.

He was fine-

Just a couple of minutes ago he was feeling fine, why-

Why did he start panicking all off a sudden?

Why couldn’t he just-

Grasping a handful of his hair, he spat blood as he pierced through his lips with his own teeth, not even noticing when or how did it happen. He just suddenly felt the taste of copper on his tongue and almost heaved out the content of his stomach.

He just felt so sick.

Sick of himself.

Sick of Shon.

Sick of the whole fucking situation he found himself deep in.

Sick of fucking everything.

He just wanted home, back to how it has been all those years ago when Anabelle was still around and Virgil still had the desire to live.

He just wanted to feel like himself once again.

Virgil felt like his stomach started to churn uneasy, but he couldn’t say it with full certainty as for the only sound he could hear was the rush of blood in his ears. He rested his head in the corner, as it lulled left and right uncontrollably making him even dizzier.

_Breathe deep in through your nose, out through your mouth._

The lights were too bright.

This horrible smelling cologne the whole room seemed to be drowning in made him even more nauseous.

He couldn’t breathe.

He couldn’t move.

_Count to 4 while breathing in, then hold for 7, out for 8._

Everything went black.

\---------

“Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to let him go to school, hon.”

“Patton, yes, while we might have rushed things a little, I really think it was the right course of action.”

“But just look at him! Virgil, my poor anxious baby, looks just so sick! There’s no way I’m letting him go back to school like this, Logan!”

“Patton, calm down. It was just a panic attack.”

“It’s never just ‘a panic attack’, Logan, and you know it! He could’ve been seriously hurt!”

“Patt-“

“You remember last time!”

“Patto-“

“No, honey, I won’t let you have this one. I’m taking Virgil home.”

\----------

Virgil blinked once, then twice, as he slowly stirred awake.

His head pounded mercilessly and it felt like he swallowed a bucket of sand so thirsty he was. Clenching his head in his hands, Virgil shot up from the apparently laying position he currently was in, not remembering when or where he fell asleep.

Panic quickly seeped through his bones sending a chill down his spine, as he frantically looked around, trying to figure where he was with his vision blurred from the slumber.

Suddenly, a hand touched his shoulder and Virgil actually jumped from his position on the… was it a couch?, up into the air startled, falling down on his back with a grunt.

“Oh, my gosh, kiddo, I'm so sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you!”

“Pa-Patton?” Virgil asked, looking up as he heard a familiar voice from above him.

“That’s right, kiddo. It’s just your good ol’ Patton.” Patton crouched down, in front of Virgil, reaching with his hand towards the boy.

Virgil flinched at first, not really expecting the man to try and grab him, but seeing as Patton seemed to deflate at that, making Virgil's heart soar in his chest as he stared in those beautiful thou hurt eyes slowly glazing with tears that threatened to fall down, Virgil forced himself to reach out and launched himself into mans arms.

“O-of, kiddo.” Patton huffed out as the air was knocked out of his lungs, catching Virgil in his embrace steadily, unlike literally any other object, which would right outfall through Patton's fingers causing it to most probably break.

“Pa-Patton” Virgil sobbed, as the picture of the man he learned to appreciate made him feel guilty in just a matter of seconds.

“I've got you, hon. I've got you.” Patton whispered in Virgil's ear as he hugged the teen closer to his chest and nudged him with his head, kissing the crown of his head as he held the trembling boy.

“P-P-“

“Sh… Don’t try to speak. Just, breathe with me, honey.” Patton interrupted, as Virgil struggled to get the word out of his mouth. The teen just burrowed himself further in the crook of Patton's neck, clenching to him like a lifeline, as the older man started to run his hand through Virgil's hair and up n down his spine.

Virgil sniffed, not caring about how pathetic he must have looked like at the moment, as he sat on the floor in between Patton's legs, shaking violently from the cry he tried to muffle within him. Soon Patton sat down and leaned against the sofa and scooped Virgil up, dragging him to sit in his lap as the man held Virgil to his chest, letting the teen listen to his loud and steady heartbeat. Virgil just tried to scoot even closer, clenching Patton’s shirt in his hands as he breathed in the calming scent of the fresh baking goods Patton somehow always managed to smell like.

It took about thirty minutes for Virgil to calm down, but never did Patton stop petting Virgil's head, one hand playing in his hair and the other by his ear, slowly nudging boy’s temples with his thumb with the lightest of touches.

God, how easy it was easy to lov-

To like-

Like Patton.

“Thanks, Pat.” Virgil whispered, his throat sore.

“It's not a biggie, hon. I'm just glad I was here to help.” Patton smiled but didn’t let go of the boy in his arms.

Virgil tried to get out, but Patton's arms didn’t even budge.

“Ekhm. Pat?” Virgil coughed embarrassedly.

“Yes, son~?”

“Could you- Could you let me-“

“What are you talking about, Virgil?” Patton teased, letting the boy know he was just joking around. Virgil huffed and started to wiggle in Patton’s lap, but the man just giggled and started to tickle the teen.

“S-tahp! Stahp! Pl-Please! Staaa-ahp!” Virgil wriggled even more, thrashing around as Patton’s fingers dug in his sides.

“What do you mean, Viiiirge~?” Patton laughed, blowing a raspberry on Virgil’s stomach as the two of them fell down to their side and the piece of clothing shielding Virgil’s naked tummy rolled up and gave access to the precious piece of skin, sadly, littered with scars and bruises. 

“Stoo-o-o-ohp!”

“Naaaaw, my big boy is ticklish!” Patton squealed as he continued tickling the boy, trying his best to avoid any sensitive area on the teen's body.

“Be-e-elle, sta-a-ahp! Sto-o-hp, Be-Belle! Ple-e-ease, Be-“ Virgil snickered out, but he suddenly stopped, terror deep within his eyes as his words caught up to him.

Patton froze as well.

“Belle?” He asked, but Virgil looked away, going silent, white as a sheet.

~Small fingers were digging in his sides as he lay down on the floor, his breath hitched as he struggled to breathe because of all the laughing he was doing. The small body of a little girl steadily managing to stay on top of his chest as he tried to wriggle out of her arms, nudging her playfully.

“Co-come on, Be-belle!” Virgil huffed in-between breaths, his face hurt from all the smiling.

“Only if you swear you’ll play something for me!” the little girl demanded, jumping up and down on his abdomen in playful banter.

Virgil groaned but smiled even wider, almost all of his teeth showing as the little girl continued to use him as a personal trampoline for her butt.

“Id do-do a-anything for you, Belle, but phh-phle-e-ease sta-a-ahp!” The boy managed to squeak out as Belle began tickling him again, the two of them rolling around the room on top of many, many music sheets.

“Play the sta-starry song! With the star!” She shouted happily, her small hands clapping happily. Virgil sighed content, hugging Anabelle tightly before lifting her off of him and pushing to the side in a clean sweeping motion. “Noooo! Swear you'll play! I want to hear it!” She pouted as Virgil stood up, jumping away from her as he chased after him on her short legs, her arms flailing around lively.

“I’ll! I promise! Just stop tickling me!” Virgil breathed out as he let Anabelle catch up to him, catching her in her arms and raising up, spinning around as the two laughed.

“You will?” Anabelle asked, suddenly yawning. Virgil melted at the sight as he held her close to his chest.

“I will.” Virgil whispered, kissing her on the forehead as she began dozing off from all the banter. It was rather easy to tire her out. It always was.

“I love you, Vee.” Anabelle mumbled, rubbing her eyes with her small and delicate fist.

“I love you too, Belle. So, so much.” Virgil sighed content, lulling his little sister to sleep in his arms. ~

\-------

“We know you probably wouldn’t want us to do any of that… but! Celebrating a birthday, 18th at that, is very important, kiddo!” Patton beamed as he led Virgil through the doorway into the kitchen, where Roman and Logan waited for the two with a freshly baked cake and a bunch of wrapped boxes in colorful paper and glitter.

Virgil followed, somewhat reluctant.

He didn’t like the idea of the couple doing any more for him than they already have done, but he still was somewhat grateful Patton told him in advance and didn’t do some kind of a surprise birthday party, Virgil was sure his heart wouldn’t take it and he’d die from a heart attack.

“Happy birthday, Virgil. I believe Patton had already told you about the-“

“Yep, Specs. He did. And I'm really not getting why you do all of that.” Virgil interrupted the teacher, holding up a hand, looking away from the three men in front of him. Roman huffed offended, thou it didn’t really have anything to do with him. It was his parents that Virgil was talking to and the extravagant teen had already pissed Virgil off just by sending him a look of disappointment.

He didn’t have to have anyone else pointing out how horrible he was.

He could do that on his own just fine.

“What are you talking about, kiddo?”

“I don’t get why you insist on helping me more than you have already done? I mean, I’m really grateful and all, but is it necessary? You saved my life, twice, actually. Helped me find a corner of my own. Sent me back to school. What else do you have to do to feel satisfied with what you did to just- start ignoring me- or something?” Virgil sighed, his head hung low and gaze avoiding everyone. “You’ve done enough already.” He added, after a while of silence.

“Oh, kiddo, we-“

“You are correct, Virgil. We have done enough.” Logan cut off Patton, causing the said man to look at him baffled. Logan just shrugged it off by ignoring him and Roman, that currently was gaping in disbelief. “We have done enough. We saved your life. We helped you find a place to stay. Suggested working for me. We got you into a school. You are correct. There is no need for us to push it any further.” Logan said in a cold tone, slowly walking up to Virgil whose head snapped up at the sentence.

“You get me, Logan, right? You should have kicked me out at this point. I'm just causing you more problems. The longer I stay the more problems you'll get. You are the one that thinks rationally, you have to understand what I'm talking about, right?” Virgil spat, taking a step back.

“Yes, I, in fact, do, Virgil. Since we found you, you have been nothing but a problem to us. We had to care for you when you were sick, buy you necessary things such as clothes and the like, make sure you have been eating properly and rested accordingly. The longer you have been staying with us the more problematic you have become.” Logan smirked, as Patton sobbed, not believing his eyes and ears! How could Logan even say things like that?!

“And now you even throw me a fucking birthday party without a reason!” Virgil shout-whispered as he backed up so far his back touched the drawer in the corner of the living room, as he tried to maintain space between him and Logan.

“And now we even baked a cake for you and bought presents. What a fucking nuisance.” Logan, now standing two meters from Virgil, whined.

Patton just stood there with terror on his face and Roman by his side, hugging him and shielding from the conversation as the older man sobbed in his arms.

“A-and you-“ Virgil shifted uncomfortably.

“And I…” Logan mocked.

“A-a-and yo-you-“

“And I…”

“A-a-a-“

“And I'm still here. Right? We all are still here, Virgil. Not because we have to, but because we want to. Here. If you don’t believe me, take this.” Logan smiled softly, but his eyes didn’t quite reach up to his smile, as he looked sadly at Virgil who flinched at the envelope Logan held in front of him.

The teen looked as he might start crying any minute and it really was breaking Logan’s heart, but it had to be done.

If they truly wanted Virgil to be a part of their family, someone had to get the fact through his thick skull filled with anxieties and insecurities, and what better way to do than breaking down his defenses first?

The plan would almost certainly backfire and it may have really strained their already not so good relationship, but there was still a chance everything would turn just right…

And as long as there was a chance of helping the boy, Logan would take it.

Patton was certainly hating him right now for the way he was going about all of it, but it would, hopefully, pay off and then one day all of them would be able to laugh at it. Oh, GOD, he really hoped it would turn out just fine.

Logan Sanders, as many may know, struggled with openly showing emotions.

He did have those, he did, it was just much harder for him to process those and speak of them, but eventually, he found a way. Patton helped him a lot, there was no denying it. He felt love, anger, sadness, jealousy and many other emotions and he slowly learned to comprehend every single one of them. Patton has been a great help, but when it came down to this exact moment in their life, Patton most probably wanted nothing more than, at least, kick him in the ass for hurting his kiddo.

“What's- What's this?” Virgil asked as he held the envelope. Logan only smiled and turned around, reaching for Patton and hugging him as the younger man shove his face in the crook of Logan’s neck, his hands clenching in Logans’ clothing. Roman just stood there, watching, uncertain.

“Just open it.” Logan hummed, petting Pattons head, trying to calm him down. If everything went well, he’d-

“… I…Do hereby… grant guardianship… of the above-listed child… to: Logan and Patton Sanders… We authorize… in all deci- Logan. **_What is this?_** ” Virgil asked, growling, his hands starting to shake as he held the piece of paper in between his slender fingers. Logan just smiled at him, letting Patton turn around and look at the teen as well.

“Its exactly what it says. Guardianship.”

“B-but- I'm eighteen now- there’s- there’s n-no- point in- in this! There's no ne-“ Virgil stammered, tears as well as confusion shining in his eyes.

“Exactly. There's no need. We didn’t need to do it, but we wanted to, Virgil. We WANT you here, with us. We may not know you as well, but- and I'll tell you this once again and as many times as it takes- but we are willing to learn more about you. “ Logan explained, tearing up himself.

Virgil didn't say anything else, tears running down his cheeks as his body shook with sobs and heavy breathing. His heart and mind raced a hundred miles an hour, fully aware of the content of this simple document, but not understanding the reason behind it.

“B-but you-“

“Virgil. You have stormed into our lives, quite literally, and shook everything upside down in a matter of days. You might have not noticed, but I most certainly have! You got Roman to spend more time at home doing things he enjoys but usually does at school or over at his friend’s house, to be here with us, with his family. You got Patton to smile even more often, encouraging him to joke around more than he already has, you made him want to get out of bed in the early morning, having him excited to be able to see you again. Even I, his HUSBAND, haven’t succeeded in getting him out of bed earlier than 10 a.m.! You got me out of my study room where I literally would spend days while working, to just come out and spent some time with you and the others and openly show affection. You brightened up our house with laughter and banter, Virgil.”

“Virgil, kiddo, you make us all better, no matter what you think. We may have found you a place to stay in the Shelter, but it was more thanks to Joan than to us actually, and we 'd be happy if you just stayed with us anyw-!”

“Not now, Patton” Logan cut his husband off.

“Oh, yea, right- We helped you get back into school, and while it may not have been the best decision, it's not something that should be questioned! Education is very important!”

“But all of the times I-I was si-sick and-“

“Yeah, you may have gotten sick and unwell a couple of times, sure, but everyone gets sick from time to time. We cared for you because you are a part of our family… And when you have a family you care for each other.”

“A-a-nde the- the- But you sa-said I-I was a nui-nuisance-“

“Only because it was the only way to get your attention, Virgil. We’ve learned the hard way to know that when you start spiraling down there's not much we can do to help, so I had to interrupt you to prevent a panic attack.” Logan mentioned their last visit to the hospital, making Virgil frown before his face clouded with guilt once again. “Id never say anything like that to you. Patton loves you. I most certainly hold you dear as well. Roman may be reluctant to you at the moment, but I am affirmative that he will warm up to you eventually.”

“Hey!” Roman gasped offended.

“What Logan is trying to say, kiddo, even if yes, he went about it the wrong way- you should never do this again, just look at him Logan, Virgils feeling so bad now-“

“Patton-“

“Right, as I said, even if he went about the wrong way, he only meant to show how much we appreciate that we have you in our lives. You're so important to us, you matter so much! And we’d hate to see you go. Your place is here, with us.” Patton smiled sadly, watching as Virgil only started to shake more violently from the silent sobs he tried to keep within him. He opened his arms just in time to catch the crying teens and engulf him in a hug.

The four of them hugged for a while, without spoking another word.

…

And while it seemed too good to be true, the Sanders really meant every single word they said that night.

…

And Virgil may have believed them… a little… at least.

…

Not in everything, obviously, but a part of him knew they were sincere in their monologue. Maybe they really wanted him around? Maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing to have stumbled upon the three men in the first place? Well, yeah, it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbow as both Logan and Patton described, but somehow their reasoning had gotten Virgil to think some things through.

Virgil didn’t love them… Just as he was almost sure neither did they, considering his luck with love. He’d never ever again willingly expose himself to that dreading feeling in case his heart would get broken all over again.

But he cared about them… And they cared for him… More deeply than he previously thought.

And that should be enough for now.

 

 

Later when you would ask how did Virgil’s birthday go, he’d just blush and hold to a black-cat pillow he got from Roman in his cat-onesie, mumbling something of a disgusting cake (honestly, who thought that salmon was a good idea for a filling to a cake?!) and a lots and lots of cuddles on the couch while watching some Disney movies.

 

Yeah.

 

Virgil didn’t love them.

But he cared.

 

That night he fell asleep with his _~~family~~_ on the couch, without feeling as if he was suffocating from the lack of space… or feeling that the scars littering his whole body burned in close physical contact with the others… or any nightmare for that matter.

It was the first time in forever he actually fell into a truly peaceful slumber.

 

He didn’t love them.

But he cared for them.


	28. 'Fucking woman.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh. My. FRICKING. GOD! was it quite some time ago I had last updated. I have like, no excuse.  
> I've been studying,  
> I've been training (was finally cast in the American Football team in the big city nearby),  
> I moved out and now live on my own (which sucks, come one, You all that say it's awesome, come and fight me!) and I've been most importantly being lazy... And Emily had come over as well (for those who doesn't know, Emily is the name of the personification of my Writer's block.)  
> But hey, I'm back!  
> Or at least I hope I am xD
> 
> Well, yeah, there's the next chapter, made it just a little bit longer as an offering of peace xD
> 
> I can't promise when the next chapter is going to arrive, You should know by now I write the chapters on a go, never having any spare/extra chapters I could post when I'm feeling not up for writing, but I can say with a full certainty that there will be coming out at least one more chapter (here and on the 'In the World of Lies We live') for Christmas and... surprise surprise (!) is going to be all about getting ready for celebrating Christmas!!! And I guess Shane (or Shon, I literally made so many spelling mistakes not even I know which name I meant for the guy from the beginning at this point xD) will have his debut as a character in this story!
> 
> Sincerely Yours, RandomCoil
> 
> Ps. I really don't recommend eating the 'Sandwich cake' if You do not like eating fish just like almost any other non-Swedish person, aka. me. (Seriously, they eat fish like almost 2-3 times a week and it's scaring me!) There's like literally nothing Swedish in me so fight me xD Wasn't born there, had lived just for a couple of years now and just plans to stay around for the fuuuuuunz. <3
> 
> Otherwise, if You ever have the chance, give it a go. 'Smörgås tårta' ain't ALL that bad. xD

Roman always wanted to be the hero.

The prince in his own story called life.

He was trying, he really was. Not everything would always turn out as fabulously as he would want to, but he made it work, right?

He was perfect in every way.

He was handsome.  
Smart (thou he still had some problems with Geography and Calculus, come on, no one can be that good with everything).  
Fit.  
Kind.  
Popular.

There was nothing else that he could be that would make him even greater than he was now.

His family supported him no matter what, his friends loved him, teachers adored, his enemies (which were very few) feared him.

Every single person he ever tried to make like himself had ended with a success.

Well, almost every single one, with an exception of a certain teen currently walking beside him.  
No matter how much he tried, what he said, what he did, everything always turned up wrong and bad. Every time they talked, Roman would tell something stupid or inappropriate and piss Virgil off. When they were together, somehow everything Roman had done had turned out bad as well. Every time their eyes met, Roman would shy away after Virgil dropped his gaze and avoided meeting his eyes again. It was hard talking to him, most of the times the brooding one would straight (ha!) up ignore him or just hiss at him, sometimes he even went so far as to leave the room!

Roman knew Virgil like, what, a week? It surely felt like months, when in reality it was actually only a couple of days! … And even then there wasn’t much talking anyway between these two. It was usually Patton and Logan who spent the most of the time with Virgil, cuddling (with Patton) and reading a book or playing chess (with Logan). All Roman ever would do in Virgil’s presence was upsetting him or putting in a situation which more often than not led to a panic attack or a hissy fit from the Stormcloud himself.

Of all people Roman had met in his entire life, there never was one like Virgil was.

Normally, he’d hate having to deal with a person like Virgil but somehow he looked forward to it. Or well, he would look forward to it if he actually had the chance to, since a certain SOMEONE wouldn’t leave the teen alone for like a couple of minutes!

Roman had to practically drag Virgil to their first period.

The surprising meeting of the two apparently SOULMATES, really had… not complicated, but rather intrigued Roman more than it should have (and made it almost impossible to separate the two.).

So Remy knew Virgil.

Pffft.

That’s not a big deal.

Right?

Except it was.

It was a big deal and Roman didn’t know what to do about it.

Remy and he- Roman, had once been rather close friends. Not the best of friends, it was Julian’s role to be besties with Roman since they were little, but they were close nonetheless and it felt kind of awkward now, standing face to face with each other, considering the fact that the two parted ways quite some time ago on Romans behalf.

It wasn’t like Roman didn’t want to be friends with Remy, but he got busier and busier by day and it kind of… just… happened.

One day Roman had to stay longer to practice with his theater buddies.  
Another he was busy studying with Julian for Chemistry.  
Next time there was an audition Roman just had to take part in.

And slowly, the two friends grew apart as the two stopped to hang out with each other. Roman knew it was his fault but he’d never admit it. His pride wouldn’t let him. But it wasn’t the only reason why.

Remy had changed as well. 

He started to skip school, argue with teachers, smoke and drink, but it wasn’t like Roman even knew it at the time. He was probably too busy with theatre to even notice. Remy was caught up with something outside of school to the point where he had to be suspended… and Roman had a wild guess it could have something to do with Virgil, but he didn’t dare ask. He didn’t even have the right to do it.

So seeing his old friend hugging Virgil, the most skittish and ‘personal space-conscious’ person of all people he ever knew felt really strange and out of place. Since when did the two know each other?  
What did Remy mean by ‘soulmates’?  
Why had them being so close hurt so much?

When a loud ring announcing the start of the period rung in the hallway, Roman had to practically drag Virgil away from Remy, the older teen not willing to let the brooding teen go. It was truly bothersome, but at some point Remy’s teacher dragged him away getting him to help them carry some books to the classroom for their lessons.

Virgil just followed Roman silently afterward, the whole time his head hung low and back slouched, as if he tried to disappear, which he most probably wished he’d do at some point.

They sat together in their homeroom, there were some questions about Virgil, like What’s his name; where’s he from; how old is he and so on just so the group could get to know him. Virgil didn’t say much, answered with a word or two but that was it even if some more stubborn dicks tried to pester him despite the teen clearly not wanting to indulge in any kind of conversation. After a couple of rather awkward minutes of silence the rest of the class went smoothly, and everyone chatted mostly about Christmas break.

The second and third period went in the same manner.

It was around lunch break when everything went to hell.

He and Remy were on their way to the lunchroom, they had the same lunch period and both wanted to spend some time with Virgil, though only Remy openly admitted to it, asking the teen out the second he spotted him.

Remy because, obviously, didn’t want to let go of the brooding teen after he just managed to get back to him.

Roman because, well, why was it even?

Sure, he promised their parents he’d take care of the Stormcloud but it wasn’t like the boy couldn’t be left alone by himself for a couple of minutes, right? _Their_. Pfft, he already started talking about Virgil as if he was a part of their family and it started to seem more ridiculous from day to day.

But yeah, back to the problem.

When Roman looked around that time the teen walking beside him mere seconds ago vanished. Disappeared. Soaked into the ground. Melted in the thin air. Disintegrated.

He just wasn’t there and a cold shiver ran down Romans spine as he frantically searched for his troublemaker.

“Roman!” Julian shouted at his best friend, catching his bright outfit out of the crowd, trying to get the male to come to him, but instead, he watched as the loud teen ran off down the corridor turning left and right, clearly looking for something.

Julian huffed and turned around, talking to one of his other friends instead.

“Virgil?!” Roman huffed as he ran around, searching for the anxious teen.

\---

Roman had found Virgil an hour later, his lunch and lesson long by forgotten as he stormed into the teacher’s lounge, right outside Pa’s and Dad’s shared office, collapsed in the corner of the hallway with a hood over his head and face his in his knees. He ran over to Virgil’s side and looked over the teen, who would seem like he had fallen asleep if not for the ragged and shallow breathing and the erratic movement of his chest. Roman stopped dead in his track, unsure if he should come any closer or go get someone else to help now when he knew where his Stormcloud had run off to.

While Roman fiddled with his phone, his thumb hovering over his contact list, a silent sob escaped Virgil’s lips and it was everything that took for Roman to approach the distressed teen, kneeling down by his side.

“Virgil, everything’s alright, just breathe with me,” Roman recalled his Pa talking once to Virgil in that manner, as Virgil got particularly spooked by something recently. He didn’t touch him, as it didn’t seem like a good idea, but kept in his line of sight so that the teen could focus on him instead of indulging in the anxiety attack.

“Breathe with me, Virgil.” Roman tried again, nudging Virgil’s knee with his hand but his Stormcloud remained unresponsive.

After a short while Roman tried to look Virgil in the eye by raising his chin a little but he could tell the kid didn’t see him, his eyes were clouded and focused on something Roman couldn’t see. Virgil's chest practically didn’t even rise at this point anymore, which made Roman panic himself. Worrying his lip in between his teeth, Roman reconsidered as he watched the unresponsive teen shaking more and more as the time went on.

‘Maybe I should call for help instead?’  Roman thought, realizing that he wasn’t actually mentally and physically ready or capable to help Virgil. At all.

He whined so much in the past about wanting to help and always being the one left out in situations like these, but now when he encountered it all by himself, with no one there to guide or reassure him, Roman finally understood how wrong he was.

Roman was like the most, useless help there could be.

Even now, or in every other instance that concerned Virgil for that matter, Roman couldn’t even focus on helping the teen turning to think of other things at the same time instead.

‘Focus Roman.’ He reminded himself, ignoring the gnawing sense of panic rising in his chest.

As Virgil whined yet again, Roman took him by the hand, shivering at both how cold his fingers were and how unresponsive he was to both his voice and touch.

He lifted Virgil’s hand up to his lips at first, landing a quick peck on his knuckles before he cradled it tight to his chest, over his heart.

“Come on, Virgil.” Roman pleaded, caressing his cheek lightly with his other hand, waiting for any sort of response.

Having enough of his incompetence, not wanting to bring Virgil more harm than what he had probably already done, he took out his phone, dialing for Logan.

As he held the phone by his ear, Roman watched as Virgil’s head and shoulders suddenly dropped. Everything went still for a moment, Roman watching Virgil collapse as if he was a puppet and his strings have been suddenly cut or snapped from the overstraining.

Few seconds passed and with a steady rhythm Virgil started to inhale and exhale air in a much calmer manner. His arm previously crossed on his chest, now hung loosely by his side limp. His Stormcloud’s whole body just relaxed at once, but in a much more unnatural way to make Roman feel even remotely relieved.

Virgil passed out.

Roman sighed, it was bad but Virgil would at least get a chance to calm down as he waited for Logan to pick his fucking phone up.

\---

After Logan had arrived, pale and extremely worried, he told Roman to go back to his classes and leave Virgil to him.

Easier said than done.

After Logan checked out from work, he sends Roman a message asking him to let Patton know what happened when the teen would have the next chance to, just to make sure his husband wouldn’t worry too much.

This was as well something Roman didn’t understand.

How telling Patton not to worry about Virgil falling unconscious would even work? This man was so fixated on the brooding teen it was almost impossible to not get him worried at this point, for whatever reason one would even try to.

Was it just to let him know he was expected to get to them and take care of Virgil?

Or that he should stay here in the school to let the other teachers know?

Or maybe something entirely different that Roman hasn’t even thought about?!

For whichever reason Roman was supposed to inform Patton, he would do that.

\---

“Hey, dad.” Roman sighed, both emotionally and physically tired after the whole ordeal.

Patton turned around him with a strained smile which didn’t even reach his eyes. It wasn’t a usual look for the ever so positive and happy pappy man, which told Roman he wasn’t especially good himself.

“Hey, Roman. Have you seen Logan? We were supposed to meet after our classes, and I’ve been looking for him everywhere, but I can’t seem to find him. I tried calling him as well, but he doesn’t pick up. The staff told me they saw him running through the corridor earlier…” Patton asked, worry and hope audible in his voice. So that’s why he was supposed to tell Patton.

“Yeah, there was this thing with Virgil…” Roman frowned upon recalling the earlier events. Patton suddenly looked around, as if he just noticed the brooding teen not even being there in the first place.

“What happened? Where is he? Is he alright?! Is Logan with him?! Is-“ Patton started to ramble, shocked and worried, his arms gesticulating wildly. Roman had to hold the man down so he wouldn’t accidentally harm someone on their way to classes.

“It’s fine, Virgil just got a panic attack and fainted, so I called Logan for help and they are now in the nurse’s office. I’m pretty sure they have it handled.” Roman assured, but it didn’t calm Patton in any way. If anything, it made the look in his eye even wilder.

“Oh my goodness, that’s not good, I have to get home. No, not home. The infirmary. I have to get to the infirmary.” Patton whispered to no one in particular, clapping his jeans for the search of most probably his car keys.

“Wait, wait, its just a panic attack, right? Doesn’t he get these all of the time?”

“He maybe does, but it doesn’t mean its good for him. You know what happened last time he had an attack, right? These are not something to just brush of your shoulder.” Patton reminded him, his voice stern at first but wavering a little as he watched Roman scowl at the comment.

Patton was right, Roman did forget already how Virgil had to be hospitalized last time. Heavy guilt settled upon his heart, weighing him down greatly. How could he have forgotten something so important as this?!  

And here he was, thinking that Virgil passing out would even benefit him!

Roman really felt stupid.

\---

Patton always wanted a child on his own.

The problem was… that it wasn’t possible for him. At least not physically.

On top of being pan (which is nothing to be ashamed of, excuse you) Patton was infertile as he wasn’t born as a male. It wasn’t the simple fact of being transgender, but the whole process he had to endure which made him as such. Under his operation in his early teenage years some complications had come up and Patton had sustained an inadvertent injury and a blockage in his epididymis had formed. He didn’t even know of this until he and his girlfriend at the time tried countless times for a child but couldn’t succeed. Patton was from that time on infertile.

Sometime after that she left him, Patton went to study at the University and met Logan there. He fell in love instantly and pinned and crushed for the cold and analytical man. It took quite some time, but they finally started dating and eventually married each other.

The two of Sanders haven’t talked about getting a child on their own, Patton keeping quiet about it since only briefly mentioning to Logan in the past that he was unable to have children on his own; but Logan knew the other secretly dreamed about being a father and the fact that he was unable to do did weight him down heavily.

As Logan in secret was working on getting a surrogate that would carry the child for the two men instead, another possibility was found.

Roman Escarrà.

Patton’s sister got recently promoted in her work and from the time on she would travel much, so the question itself came up naturally. Providing Roman with a happy childhood was in everyone’s best interest and it didn’t take long until Patton and Logan claimed Guardianship over the child with Maria’s blessing.

It was Patton’s first chance at having, kind of, a child on his own.

He tried his best and was amazing at what he was doing, but even if Roman did love him and assured that he was LIKE a dad to him, he still wasn’t a real one. Not in his head at least. It always felt for Patton as if he was doing something wrong or not good enough, which was bullshit, but his self-esteem had been low for quite a while now and his antidepressants didn’t help him all that much under this period.

Roman was a very special kid; he was always full of energy, all around the places being his extroverted self, more often than not spending his time with his friends out in the city… which was not a problem itself, having friends was/is and always will be very important, but it did leave Patton alone at home waiting for the… for HIS child to come back and… spend at least a couple of minutes together before Roman would be off to one of his adventures.

Roman didn’t spend much time at home, neither did he talk out about his day, his school crushes, any kind of problems or emotions that would bug him, almost never going to Patton for any kind of advice. He just would sit in his room whenever he came back home. So even if Patton was Roman’s guardian, and the kid called him ‘Dad’ he didn’t feel like a father to him. He would always be just his ‘uncle’ Patty.  

With every day Roman would spend less and less time at home, which made the older man really sad at times, to the point where his depression got the best of him and often wouldn’t even let him get out of bed or take care of his own basic needs such as eating, drinking water or even using the bathroom. It was just this year that Logan suggested Patton started working with him at the school, having enough of being unable to help Patton with his emotions, only able to watch his husband wither away as he himself just stood by.

And then came Virgil.

Oh, poor little Virgil. The moment Patton's eyes fell on the small frame he fell in love with the boy. His parental instincts kicked in instantly and haven’t left him since then. It wasn’t like he didn’t feel those emotions towards Roman, but since Virgil got involved, they had amplified tenfold. The teen looked so fragile and vulnerable Patton wanted to just hug him and never let go of, and even if Virgil did sometimes hiss at him or was being a gloomy gubber, Patton couldn’t help but think it was only because Virgil got flustered and didn’t know how to react otherwise. He loved him so much after so short period of time it sometimes scared him what would happen when Virgil would just… disappear from his life. Patton felt like he got another chance from God or whichever superior entity watching over humanity above all of them in the skies and he wasn’t about to let the opportunity go to waste. He could make everything right, give Virgil home he never truly had.

So he suggested getting the papers for guardianship.

Logan wasn’t opposed to the idea, seeing what big impact Virgil was doing just by being near Patton, but he had some worries concerning the whole course of the procedure.

Firstly, it usually took time to get things like these done. Luckily Joan had some friends amongst the right people and offered his help in the case with Roman, so it shouldn’t be hard to get him aboard with this idea as well.

Secondary, after getting the papers ready and being just a step away from realization, the only thing they needed was a signature from Virgil’s biological parents… Which was a problem itself. They had to:  
-identify Virgil’s parents  
-find them  
-persuade about letting them take over for Virgil

…And if they had already learned anything about these people, it was that they didn’t like Virgil very much or care for the teen so there was a possibility that they would just ought right ignore them or respond with violence or any other bad reaction.

But it wouldn’t stop them from trying. Oh no.

The day Roman suggested he would stay with Virgil and take care of him was actually Logan’s idea.

Sitting with everyone in the room, Logan mentioned that the teen seemed anxious about the posterity of sleeping alone, already having told Roman to suggest himself stay, way ahead of time. This plan had shortly formed after he contacted Virgil’s mother yet another time and practically threatened her that he would report them to the authorities for abandoning Virgil if they didn’t sign the papers.

It wasn’t a right thing to do, but as long as it wouldn’t harm Virgil in any way and play for his benefit, he could afford to do a less than amiable thing once in a while.

So, a plan was formed.

The Sanders had already set the time and the date of their meeting with the Morgan’s and they only needed to get the teen occupied long enough to fly to the nearest place, drive to YY, get the papers and come back to XX in a much similar manner.

But then came the most obvious and most uncertain of problems.

Lastly, they didn’t even know if Virgil would want them as his Guardians.

The possibility of Virgil not wanting them to foster him loomed upon Patton and Logan, making the usually resolute men to second guess themselves. Fortunately, they had already organized a meeting because otherwise they may have had backed off and reconsidered.

So they went.

They drove an airport which would take them straight to the biggest city most near YY the moment they left from Virgil’s, stopping only to take a restroom break after the landing. They wanted it done before Virgil’s birthday. It was something Patton wanted to bestow the teen with on such an important day, especially considering his past.

There was still so much they didn’t know about the kid, but both hoped they would get to learn it as the time went on and Virgil would open up to them naturally, confiding them in the problems of his past so that the burden he had to take upon his shoulders on his own could be shared between all of them.

But, from what they did know about Virgil, was that he desperately needed their help and love.

Virgil was most probably abused at his old home. From what Virgil had told them already, the Morgan’s weren’t the most family-friendly people. Nor Patton nor Logan knew why it was or what caused all the hate, but they were confident it wasn’t Virgil’s fault in any way.

Then came the part with Virgil ending up homeless and meeting this lovely elderly woman, Martha. Patton was so thankful to the sadly deceased woman he’d find her and personally show his gratitude if it wasn’t for her having passed away.

And finally, the whole thing with Virgil’s ex-boyfriend. Blood almost literally boiled in all of the Sanders’ veins whenever they thought about that sorry excuse of a man. Virgil didn’t tell them much about him, but the sheer fact that Virgil had to run away from him in a snowstorm, almost dying, spoke already for itself.

The moment their car stopped in front of a huge yet clearly neglected mansion everything in Patton’s head went haywire and short-circuited. He just stared at the old building with so much dismay and disgust Logan almost couldn’t believe his own eyes.

His husband was the most loving and caring person in the whole world, but even he, apparently, had his own boundaries. Patton was a living, walking saint but if anything could tell you otherwise it would be just that look he held in his eye that day.

The moment the Morgan’s opened the doors Patton was ready to strangle these people.

“Logan and Patton Sanders, I presume.” Mr. Morgan asked a rather rhetorical at this point question with a tired glint in his eye and a frown on his face.

“Mr. Morgan-“

“It’s Liam. Liam Morgan. And this is my wife, Lilly Morgan.” The man said, interrupting Logan rudely. Logan withdrew the hand he put towards him, trying to be civilized and greet the family like it should have been done.

“Yes, Mr. Liam and Mrs. Lilly, I believe you know the reason behind our visit.” Logan sighed, running his hand on Patton’s back reassuringly.

“Ah, yes. This brat. Julia’s bastard.” Mrs. Lilly spoke, spitting the name as if it was something foul at the tip of her tongue.

“It’s Virgil for you-“

“Patton, not now.” Logan held his husband away from the Morgan’s, suspecting that if he let go of the man he’d strangle the pair.

“Virgil. That’s a name I never wanted to hear ever again.” The woman, Lilly, scrunched her eyebrows and wrinkled nose, talking about Virgil with so much hate it was audible in her voice.

“Listen. You know why we came here. You sign the papers and we’re out of here.” Logan reached for the neatly folded piece of paper in the inner pocket of his jacket.

“Why?” Liam asked incredulously.

“What ‘Why’?” Patton growled, further shocking his husband standing mere centimeters away from him. It truly wasn’t a side of Patton Logan knew of and it did, in fact, worry the man.

“Why do you help him? He is nothing but a liar and a murderer. He should be de-“

“You will not speak of my son-“

“Your- Your son?! Don’t be ridiculous! This bastard doesn’t have parents! They didn’t want him so they left him here with us instead! He ruined our lives! They killed themselves just to be free of him! ‘My son’ my ass! Get these fucking signatures and get the FUCKING OUT OF HERE!” Lilly shouted, her face all read from the strong emotions. Both Logan and Patton were taken back, but the usually bright and happy man only huffed, almost ripping the jacket off of Logan just to reach for the document. Shoving the paper in the woman’s face he watched as she signed the parchment with a trembling from rage hand, passing it around to her husband afterward.

“Leave us for fuck’s sake alone now. Do not ring. Do not write. Do not come back. He is now your problem.” Lilly hissed through clenched teeth, slamming the front door right in the couple's faces.

“Fucking woman.” Patton spat at the step of the terrace, turning around and walking over to the car, leaving confused beyond understanding Logan behind.

It was on their way home after the short flight that Logan and Patton met a Swedish couple, a man named Lucas and his wife Victoria, who later on helped them preparing the ‘Smörgås tårta’, a Swedish cake literally being called ‘Sandwich cake’ with fresh salmon, shrimp, mayonnaise, salad and a couple of slices of tomatoes and pickles. Even if Victoria tried talking Patton out of it, he was already full on it with Lucas in the background, encouraging him with more and more ridiculous ideas. Apparently, it was a Swedish special, a traditional cake that was made almost whole year ‘round said to be delicious and becoming…

Becoming a nuisance later on like every single person in the living room except for Roman heaved their intestines over the toilet bowls and trashcans.

Maybe it was Patton who didn’t follow the recipe to the one hundred, or it really was as disgusting as Victoria tried to tell the pair earlier that day. Lucas did really like it and wasn't lying in any kind of means, the cake just had a very specific taste not everyone was accustomed to.

Logan made that day a mental note to himself to never let Patton decide on a birthday cake ever again.

That very eventful evening after the (actually) late birthday party, all of them gathered on the couch, falling asleep in each other’s arms.

Virgil may not have officially been their son yet, but now it was just a matter of time.

He wouldn’t leave them now, that he found a family he would in the near future call his own.

Even if Logan’s harsh words were meant to be painful from the very get-go, Virgil couldn’t help but feel strange warmth whenever he recalled those words spat at him with so many emotions and love that it made the tears in the corner of his eyes threaten to fall.

Hugging the cat pillow Roman gave him, Virgil nuzzled closer in the hem of the onesie Patton and Logan gifted him, watching with a hopeful eye the piece of paper now lying on clear display on the table in front of him, reminding him that he was indeed wanted, no matter what.  

Virgil didn’t love them...            (yet)

But he sure as hell cared for them.


	29. 'It was after all a beautiful night to burn in hell.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the promised chapter! 
> 
> Warning thou, read only at your own risk, I'm not responsible for any distress this chapter may cause some of You. 
> 
> I have been heavily influenced in this chapter by one of my favorite songs, 'Stronger Than You (Undertale Parody Response)' covered by annapantsu on yt with lyrics from ateotu on tumblr. I'm pretty sure You'll be able to read some of the lyrics in this chapter. Here's the link! https://youtu.be/rEejgNjVOig
> 
> Ps. I had the chapter for 'In the Worlds of Lies We Live' but the file got corrupted and I lost the whole piece, so I have to rewrite it which will probably take some time. I'll probably update another chapter here about the Christmas itself and The New Years Eve sometime in the next few days, but I don't know when will I find the time or will to rewrite that lost chapter xD

 

⚠ WARNING! PROCEED AT OWN RISK! ⚠

 

20th of December.

A few days until Christmas.

Virgil woke up after almost little to no sleep after a series of nightmares. It wasn’t anything new, same old bad dreams about getting his fourth finger on the no vibrato, not getting the appoggiaturas or simply skipping a note even if he had already practiced at least a few thousand hours, all that in front of the committee and blowing his chances to do well in the competition.

It wasn’t anything unusual or particularly difficult to snap from, but the nervousness and spent muscles were pretty much still there even as he had already gotten out of the bed and got started on his morning routine in the bathroom.

Standing in the shower Virgil let his body burn under the running hot water, trying to shake off the feeling of uneasiness but failing miserably as not even after a half an hour did he feel any better. Eventually, after quite some time, he stepped out and rubbed his skin almost raw with the towel, dressing in a pair of cozy leggings and a long and baggy t-shirt with a pair of briefs and socks shortly after.

Letting his newly cut black hair dry on their own, he only ruffled them a little with the towel which he later hung on the rack and stepped back in his bedroom, glancing at the clock that hung high on his wall.

“5 am. The Witching hour. Time to practice…” Virgil muttered to himself as he turned his gaze on his violin, but stopped dead in his tracks being halfway into grabbing the instrument as he heard a distant sound of rushed footsteps coming closer and closer to his doors. “…or not.” He sighed, waiting for Belle to enter his room.

“Viiirgiiiil~” Anabelle sang, sticking her head through the crack in the doorway.

“Yes?” He asked, watching Anabelle enter his room, already clothed in a cozy outfit of her won, aka. her favorite pink sweater with kitten ears, paws and even a short tail hanging behind her.

“You said yesterday you’d play with me!”

“Yes, I did. But isn’t it a little too early to play your violin?” He asked, hypocritically skipping about the part where he was just about to practice on his own.

“But I want to be as good as you, so I have to practice! Besides, you were already awake! I heard you take a shower!” she almost screamed, hopping and jumping around him. Virgil snickered, already set on letting his lil sister have it her way.

“What would you like me to play?” He just asked instead.  

“Could you accompaniment me today on the piano?” She suggested, enthusiastically waving her arms up and down. Virgil grinned at the sight.

“Ask more nicely and I’ll consider.” He crossed his arms on his chest, rising one of his eyebrows.

“Could you, pretty please, accompaniment me today on the piano, brother dear?” She tried again, letting out a sad whine, pouting her lips and looking at him with her puppy eyes.

“How could I say ‘no’ to this?” He laughed, already halfway out of his room. “What are we playing today?”

“What about…” She started, her voice sweet, pausing to think some about it. “… How about… ‘It was your fault, Virgil’?” She added after a short pause, her voice all of the sudden turning cold and harsh, startling the boy, freezing him in place with the message. As he looked back at his little sister, he could feel his body start to tremble, subconsciously understanding what she referred to, watching the whole scenery blur away in his very eyes back to _that_ day, to the living room. The once boisterous and loud, vivid and so much _alive_ girl was now standing in front of him, mere inches away, her once sun-kissed skin paling into sickening shade of white; her once shining black and fluffy locks hanging in a tangled mess; her once beautiful, sparkling, glowing with happiness blue eyes now stared at him, dull and empty having lost all of the life in them; her once impeccable forehead now marked with a gaping black hole, thick blood slowly dripping down her face.

“It was your fault, Virgil.” She repeated, her voice scratchy and so much different to what Virgil had remembered. It was nothing like the melodic, mellow sounds her lips smiled with, no. It was long by gone and he would never get to hear the lilting of his own name uttered by her, as she looked at him with admiration and love in her eyes that sparkled in a way a galaxy on a particularly clear night sky would. He’d never feel her tiny, tiny hands grab him and hug him, asking to play with or to simply sit down on the carpet and cuddle by the fireplace, letting the warmth of the fire nibble their skin.

“It was your fault, Virgil. You did this to me.” She took a small, wobbly step in his direction and even if she was looking like a dead girl walking on her way to get her revenge, especially with the amount of hatred and disgust present in her gaze as she watched her older brother stand by idly, Virgil couldn’t help but rush to her side and try to catch her as all the strength left her fragile body. Cradling her in his lap, Virgil couldn’t help the shiver that ran down his spine at how cold and limply his beloved sister felt in his arms. Anabelle raised one of her hands up to his cheek, holding the stone-cold fingers on his cheek.

”You let this happen to me.” She mouthed, staring deep in his eyes as Virgil for the second time watched all life slowly fading away from her as the girl turned blank.

 

 

“Anabelle!” Virgil shouted, shooting out of his bed, his heart racing a thousand miles per hour as he called for his little sister to come back to him, tears falling freely down his face, only for him to be met with a silence and a pitch-black room. Right. He was back at the shelter- he thought, squeezing his racing, aching heart with his left hand as he sucked in shallow breaths, fighting off nausea that suddenly hit him after a wave of dizziness from the sudden movement messed with his head and sense of surroundings, making the whole room spin.

His whole body, covered in sweat, shivered in the cold air as the fluffy pink blanket Virgil slept under mere minutes ago now were splayed across the whole bed instead of his body. His hands shaking, Virgil spat a medley of curse words as crawled out of bed, dragged himself to the pile of clothes, he somehow pulled on a pair of pants and socks, slipped on his converse, grabbed next the jacket from the recently bought by Logan racket and exited his room, rushing down the corridor.

Not bothering to check the time or the general direction in which he went, Virgil just strolled down the street after he ran off the institute, his movement spasmatic as he barely controlled the trembling of his limbs, but all he could think of at the moment was that he was suffocating and he needed to get out. It was truly a wonder how none of the staff constantly working there noticed the hectic teen walk away through the front door into the dead of night, but it wasn’t as if it meant anything to Virgil anyway.

He just walked, or rather, stumbled through the street, unaware of anything that happened around him. Thankfully the streets were empty and even if it would usually unnerve the young man, right now it did not matter. Nothing mattered. Not even how the whole scenery didn’t fit the lonely teen, as the slightly dimmed, yellowish light shone from the old and rusty lamps, illuminated the bright snow slowly falling from the sky, dancing and swirling down on the ground gracefully in the quiet of the night.

Virgil stuck there out like a sore thumb, but all he could think about was getting Anabelle out of his head. Crumpling the picture of the young girl in his hand he got out of the inner pocket of his jacket, Virgil tried to calm down his pounding heart, but to no avail.

He walked and walked, for hours, huffing out one shaky breath after another, leaving only a trail of ruts in the snow behind him.

Dark thoughts and guilt were tearing apart the remaining of Virgil’s mind, making him unstable, but the only thing Virgil knew was that he deserved it.

He couldn’t go back in time even as he really wanted to.  
He’d give anything to just be able to go back.  
But he can’t, so what more could he do?

It was already too late for the apologies, even if he muttered them under his breath like a mantra.

This wasn’t what he wanted, his life wasn’t supposed to take such a bad turn, and yet here he was, walking and walking, trying to get away from himself as if he still had a chance to do this, but no matter what in the end there was no one else there for him but himself and his wicked mind, screaming profanities at him.

Nothing helped him to escape his own mind, but as he was on the verge of breaking apart, he already knew where he was heading to.

It was after all a beautiful night to burn in hell.

\---

He was now standing in front of the building, his body visibly much calmer but his mind as uneasy if not more than what it was a couple of hours ago. But it didn’t matter right now.

Virgil would get his sweet release from his own mind soon enough, because physical pain was truly the only thing that could sear through the thick cloak of horrible thoughts clouding his mind, no matter what he tried to tell himself and convince otherwise.

And… where else could Virgil get help in achieving that if not back at his ex-lovers’?

The two cities were so close to each other, you could say the XX was the suburbs of the bigger city.

Virgil didn’t even know when he got there.

His body perfect still just stood there motionlessly, until his mind shouted at him to get going. So he did. He walked to the intercom and pressed the pin code, opening the doors and walking up the staircase all the way to the top, where he stopped by a plain white set of doors.

Number 13. His lucky number. What a coincidence.

He raised his hand, hitting sharply the wood with the points of his knuckles, not even hearing the echo of the motion. The only thing audible to him was the rush of his own blood in his ears and the loud beating of his thumping heart.

The doors cracked open and a confused, yet familiar face greeted him.

“Virgil.” Shon uttered, opening the doors all the way, showing himself in all his glory to the teen.

All the memories, both good and bad, flooded Virgil’s mind at that moment. He could remember the smell of the silky blonde hair or the feeling freshly shaven harsh facial hair already growing back and scratching and irritating all the places it got in contact with on Virgil’s body. The cold yet beautiful grey eyes piercing through Virgil’s soul with an understanding on a whole other level than any others, sometimes straight up devouring him where he stood with mere glances. The muscular and fit body moving under all those clothes, his strong arms carrying Virgil to bed to rest at some night, the other beating the living hell out of him.

Shon was one of the worst things that happened to Virgil, but the teen subconsciously needed him to ground himself.

What Virgil didn’t notice until this very night was how easy living with Shon was, how little strain had his mind been exposed to.

The physical contact flushed out the negative thoughts most of the times, and now when the primary source of the physical pain was gone, Virgil’s thoughts had been running wild and memories coming back to him, causing him to go mad and wish for the end.

“Go ahead, just hit me. I’m here, I’m back, I need to feel you Shon.” Virgil sobbed, not noticing when did he even start shaking again. “Everything I feel is so unbearable, please, I want it gone. Help me.” Hugging himself, Virgil waited for the blow, which didn’t come. Instead, Shon pulled on his arm and ushered him into the apartment, pinning him to the wall as fast as the doors slammed shut. Shon kissed Virgil deeply, violently, one hand clutching the material of Virgil’s jacket, the other locking the doors.

As the lock slipped in place, Shon grabbed Virgil’s face, lifting it up as the older man towered over the teen, devouring his lips and granting himself access for his tongue in Virgil’s mouth.

As the two parted for breath, Virgil sobbed, clenching to Shon’s shirt.

“Please, I can’t get her out of my head, she’s standing there, mocking me, driving me crazy. Make her go, please make her go Shon.” Virgil begged, almost throwing himself at the man, who just silently dragged Virgil through the corridor to their once shared bedroom, throwing Virgil at the messed-up bed still warm from Shon’s slumber. Virgil’s breath hitched as he watched his ex-boyfriend strip himself in front of him and then proceeding to do the same with Virgil as well, not stopping to roam with his hand all over the teen’s body after he finished.

Shon kissed him, bit him, pinched, scratched and marked him all over his body, bruising him just enough to cover the older, almost faded by now residues of their love-making.

That night he was rough with Virgil, making Virgil cry out of pure bliss and pass out from the exhaustion and overstimulation, his mind finally silent.

\---

Virgil woke up several hours later, alone in bed. He looked around the familiar room in confusion, not remembering how, when or why he got here, yet somehow content with where he was.

As he tried to sit up, his whole body tensed, sore and aching.

He hissed, not used to the strange feeling of ghost touches roaming all of his body from the previous night.

The teen noticed a piece of paper on the table in the corner of his eye. A note. Virgil reached for it, huffing out of pain as he leaned over.

“Go back where you came from, I’ll forget you coming here tonight but you have to be gone by 12. I’ll get you back on my own terms.” Virgil read, wincing. Shon was an asshole, but he did love Virgil once, before he turned into the monster that he was now and it was clearly shining through. It wasn’t often that Virgil freaked out like that in front of Shon, but when it happened, Shon made sure Virgil’s mind was focused solely on him and nothing else, making it impossible for other thoughts to seep into the teens mind as they had sex so rough Virgil passed out momentarily after they were done, sometimes even during it.

It was an unspoken agreement between the two, one of the few signs of mercy Shon gave Virgil, for which he was in times like these grateful, to just not even remember why he was back there.

Determined to get out before Shon came back, Virgil forced himself to get up despite the pain, his whole body already strained. Deciding to skip on refreshing up to a little in the bathroom, he pulled on yesterday clothes on with much difficulty and walked over to the doors, wincing with every single step he took towards the doors. But as he was ready to go, he took another detour and grabbed his old backpack, getting his phone, ID, wallet and some if not all of the clothes he left there previously.

Then he walked away.

\---

It took Virgil much less time to get back to XX, now that he knew where he was going and he could just take a bus there. A mere 20-minute stroll on the road and a short walk from the centrum and he was already back at the shelter, worried Talyn waving him over and freaking out on him as he just passed by, already exhausted.

The caretaker stopped him to ask if he was okay and where he had been, but Virgil just shrugged them off saying not to worry about him, that he was taking care of some things and that he was now going back to sleep.

It took a couple of minutes of one-sided conversation and a few shrugs of shoulders, but it finally worked.

\---

22nd of December.

Virgil didn’t get out of his bed for the whole day, ignoring anyone who showed up at his doors, until Patton had come by himself after receiving a rather worrying message from Talyn about his nightly stroll and rather an unfriendly mood he was in since he left.

Christmas was really the worst time around the year for Virgil.

Every single year the same old nightmare came up, driving Virgil crazy until he finally snapped and broke down, stopping functioning altogether.

This year was no different, so when already worried Patton entered the room, only to see Virgil lay there on the floor, a sobbing- crying mess on the floor covered in marks and bruises, completely unresponsive he thought he’d have to call for an ambulance, until he heard Virgil mutter pleas for forgiveness and a name ‘Belle’ under his breath the whole time.

The older man had already heard Virgil say that name, but he didn’t have any idea nor clue as to what that name meant, but simply asking just didn’t really seem like a good choice in this situation. Not now, at least.

“Hey, kiddo. It’s just me, your old pappy Patty.” Patton whispered in Virgil’s ear, kneeling by the teen and running a hand down his spine, trying to soothe the distressed kid. “I’m here for you, Virgil.” He added in a gentle tone, smiling slightly as he saw Virgil finally look up. “There you go, sunshine.” Patton cooed, helping the teen sit up after a while, pulling him in his lap once Virgil had seemingly made it into a sitting position.

Patton runs his fingers through Virgil’s hair, holding him close to his chest as he rocketed them gently to sides, sitting down on the floor, leaning on the side of the bed, planting small kisses on the crown of boy’s head from time to time.

\---

22nd of December, later that day.

Patton had spent the whole rest of Wednesday on keeping an eye on sleeping in the spare room Virgil and baking cookies and other goods for Christmas in a few days. Logan and Roman had still been at school when Patton received a call from Talyn earlier that day, having already called off from work a day earlier to start on the preparations for the festive holiday.

He really wanted to make this Christmas very special, now that Virgil had stepped into their life.

He started with cleaning the whole house on the 21st, polishing every crook and corner of the house to the best of his abilities, decorating it with wreaths, chains, lights, trinkets and many more, so that their house was shining bright like a diamond.

Since the morning of the 22nd Patton already started baking some cookies and gingerbread for the snacks, planning on some of the bigger meals he had to prepare the next day.

It was supposed to be Cranberry Pie, Roasted Tomato and Garlic Tart, Cinnamon-Spiced Sweet Potato Soup, Sweet Potatoes and some really nice deep fried Turkey, some of the Sanders’ favorites.

Patton really hoped Virgil would like that, but now as he watched the teen just lay down in bed for the whole day, refusing to get out of the room he suddenly wasn’t so sure.

He did get out of the teen something about ‘not celebrating Christmas’ and wanting to be left alone, but it did weight him down for the rest of the day until Logan and Roman came back to help him with the preparations and he got the two to listen to him explain the situation with Virgil and asking for an advice.

Neither of the other men knew what to do, not knowing the reason behind the reluctance Virgil had for Christmas.

For all they knew he could just be Jewish and had celebrated Hanukkah instead, but yet again, Virgil refused to talk to anyone completely for the whole day, so the three just decided to let the kid rest for now.

Patton had a guess it wasn’t about the aspect of faith and religion which made Virgil act in such a way, but he could only speculate until the teen would decide to confine him in his problems. Patton didn’t tell Logan nor Roman about the state of Virgil’s body, both not wanting to stress neither of the three, but also promising the youngest of them to keep quiet about it in exchange for some explanation later on.

And so the whole day went, spent on baking, cooking and tending to Virgil from time to time.

23rd went pretty much in the same manner, taking care of everything that was left on their list, with few additions on trying to cheer Virgil up, sometimes succeeding and getting him out of the room to eat something and talk, sometimes failing, causing the teen to walk straight back into the room and hide under the covers, staying there for the next couple of hours.  

And then came 24th and 25th.

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, with that,  
> I wish ALL OF YOU, YOU AMAZING HUMAN BEINGS an awesome Christmas!  
> May this festive season filled with many, many different holidays and events sparkle and shine wherever You are located on this beautiful planet Earth, may all of Your wishes and dreams come true, and may You feel the happiness all year round. Love You all so much! <3

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Virgil's Sonata](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14198235) by [LukaPhoenix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LukaPhoenix/pseuds/LukaPhoenix)




End file.
